Mothers are the high priestess of the ritual- like Queen Elizabeth without servants.
This sets up a filial crisis as women age. The UK estimated that there are 25 to-do’s women have on the holiday. It takes years to accumulate objects ritual dishes and religious objects used. It takes the left side of your brain executive skills, plans and organize, remember details, does things based on your experience. This eventually leads to a filial crisis and passing the torch.
Holidays are often done on autopilot
Women as they age –recalling all the jobs that must be done year after year get worn down in their assigned role as ” Mothers are the high priestess of the ritual.”
It also takes their IADLs- (Instrumental Activities of Daily Living) meal planning, shopping, plus ambulation. Then add depression – widowhood, loss and you have the challenges of aging in managing these entire titanic rituals mothers are assigned by society. Many times the aging Mom can no longer balance all these plates and the holidays shatter with the crashing ritual dishes.
When Mom Cannot do all the Holiday Preparation a Filial Crisis Occurs
Then the torch has to be passed and an adult child (usually an adult daughter must take over to resolve this filial crisis. This passing the torch is like secession, – Princess Elizabeth taking over for her Dad, King George, (who hated it and had a lifelong stutter) made famous in The King’s Speech who was handed the throne by his brother Edward who quit being king.
WhenMom needs to Pass the Torch-Some Baby Boomers Kids Shocked
Baby boomer-adult children and aging parents are unprepared by their own culture for this new developmental phase of passing the torch. They do not expect it as they did
the nights of the crying newborn or the rebellious teen, and are thrown off balance by the sometimes sudden and usually unexpected loss of their anchoring aging parents, when they find elderly mom is unable to pull off running the holidays Indeed, what must happen in this new developmental phase is that the adult child must evolve beyond the needy child, he or she has been, depending on his or her parents for that fiscal, emotional, social support and ritual organizing parents, like managing the officiating over the Christmas or Hanukkah celebration and take on filial responsibility to avoid a filial crisis.
Geriatric Care Manager to the Rescue
In the normal healthy family system this filial crisis of Holiday rituals can be overcome and the adult children with the brief help of an aging life or geriatric care manager they can let go of their former dependent roles and confront their parent’s loss by organizing and providing care. They can take over Christmas and Hanukkah by stepping in and grabbing that torch.
Geriatric care managers understand that the adult child must transition to what social work pioneer Margaret Blenkner labeled the filial crisis to filial maturity or a new mature state where they, as midlife adults, can give up their former roles as dependent, needy children and start to provide care to their old/old parents.
Dysfunctional Family Do Not Want to Take Over for Mom
In the dysfunctional aging family, this filial crisis is incredibly hard to trounce from both the parents’ and the adult child’s point of view. They really need a geriatric care manager’s services
11 Vital Clinical Tools For Desperate Families Post-Holidays
Thursday, Jan 6, 2022, 02:00 PM Pacific Time (the US and Canada)
Give frantic adult children hope when they desperately call after the holiday
Join me Post-holiday and learn how to come to clinically rescue concierge dysfunctional families who found coal in their stocking.
Learn how to!
- Understand the Dysfunctional Aging Family System you must enter to get care for elders
- Master 11Vital Clinical Tools you to solve client problems
- Take Six Clinical Steps Professional Must Take to Work with These Difficult Families
- Get care for aging family members when the dysfunctional family members resist
Find out more in the YouTube for My YouTube, Channel Geriatric Care 1
Absent Long Distance Care Provider Holidays Answers
If you are a long-distance care provider, or a care manager that works with one, what’s the best way to keep in touch with the long-distance elder if you can’t visit on coming Christmas or Hanukkah especially now that COVID is rampant and very contagious throughout the country
Easy Low-Touch Non-Tech Ideas
Use low touch—the old-fashioned communication elders grew up – the Post Office and telephone. If you can’t see Mom or Christmas or Hanukkah, send a card. Older people came from a generation
where cards and mail were really meaningful. It is easy and really touches elders who love opening the little personal mail they get, especially from family. These heritage links are a great way to support a far away elder. Non-tech, they cause no stress on their part. Even we boomers who walk haltingly through the tech world of 40 characters forget that connecting with a stamp or a call is so familiar to an older person. Plus you give that feeling of warmth they always got when they “ opened” “ or “ answered” something real (not virtual); Try having the whole family sending a card even kids. A flooded mailbox on Christmas or Hanukkah fills their hearts.
If and you can’t see Mom on Christmas or Hanukkah safely due to COVID s, mail holiday care packages —bake or buy cookies . Bake it with your children and send samples along with actual photos of everyone baking in the kitchen or buying treats. Even if they crumble a bit, elders will smell the affection.
Easy Option -Holiday in a Box
If you can’t see Mom on Hanukkah or Christmas, send a “ holiday in a box for Christmas and Hanukkah coming up. Send a basket of kids drawings, candy, nuts, home-baked or purchased holiday bread that reflects the holiday celebration plus a gift certificate for a Christmas dinner or dinner with a friend. Give Mom joy in a simple package. For an extra special surprise, arrange an invitation to a Hanukkah dinner with a friend or through your parents’ synagogue or church
A Little Help From Aging Parents Friends
Skip that holiday in a box, if you can’t see Mom on Hanukkah or Christmas you can create a circle of care. Get the app Lots of Helping Hands through neighbors, friends, people in your elder’s place of worship, or a group they belong to. Then you can ask if they can arrange to include your older relative or friend in a Christmas dinner or Midnight Mass or Hanukkah meal, with Latkes or Shabbat service. You will then have an entire support team your elder with a whole circle of support in the future and not feel so alone.
REMINISCENCE- a win-win on Holidays-as people age they love this and you get their memories
Give your parent Storyworth. Print the prompts and drop off to your loved one then pick up and enter using the dictation on your phone then send it into Storyworth. At the end of the year, they get a printed book of reminiscence.
Join ancestry yourself and bring your computer to your older loved one’s home and show them your family tree as you build it. They can give you family history and memories as you create the family tree that you would miss when they are gone.
Get out your old family albums, with older pictures of your parents with your kids, and have them identify people in photos by emailing some of the photos to your older family members. Then upload the photos later to Google photos so you have both names of relatives, stories of pictures, and photos digitally saved.
Make Aging Tech for Holiday Gift
Send a high tech gift, if you can’t see Mom or Dad over Christmas or Hanukkah. Send a high tech device that your loved one can really use and figure out. I just ordered the Esky Wireless Locator because I keep misplacing my glasses.
How Care Managers Help Get for Long Distance Care Providers
Care Manager can do lots of things for a family member who is long distance and can’t see Mom on Christmas or Hanukkah. Geriatric Care Manager Julie Menack in her chapter “Long Distance Care Providers” in my book Care Managers Working With the Aging Family lists tasks long-distance care providers can do to make their own lives and their long-distance loved ones saner, sounder, and happier
Find a Care Manager Through Aging Life
If you want to investigate an Aging Life geriatric care manager in your parent’s own town find a professional who can help you do all this so you can remain a son or daughter and less stressed caregiver.
How do you market a COVID-19 telehealth service?
The best way during the pandemic that rages this fall is to sell your coronavirus coaching products or other services is in an email marketing marketing campaign using an e-newsletter format in Constant Contact or Survey Monkey other choices
This will boost the clients you can serve, as COVID has made adult children and elderly clients hesitant about having visitors come to their homes, exposing them to the virus. You can do the intake via telehealth and continue the services if they decide to become a client if you have taken the CDC safety precautions for visiting and or rendering care to the older person
Other Ideas to Add to your e-newsletter about COVID
- Local information about home food delivery from local grocery stores used by seniors or designated shoppers as elders should not even get out and shop
- Since large gatherings are dangerous in COVID-19-, information about accessing religious services streamed broadcast of TV or radio with the holiday season on Jewish New Year beginning the season last week – and stretching to Christmas.
Include Videos in your e-newsletter like this terrific e-newsletter that Lifespan, a care management agency in Santa Cruz, Ca. uses introducing their staff products and services during COVID.
OFFER Quality of Life activities that your agency or another agency like Well-Being offered by Lifespan which provides 1-1-activies done with all COVID safety pecautions for seniors who are even more isolated, lonely, and depressed during the pandemic.
- Recommend A COVID-19Home From the Hospital or Move Management product/service if you have one, to help families deal with discharge from hospitals after COVID -19 and not end up back in the hospital and or can move to a safer place to recover like their long-distance relative.
- Tell a story with the COVID products you want to advertise
- Use your i phone to record your video
- Include a list of great reasons that a client or customer should work with an ALCA or Geriatric Care Manager during the Coronavirus pandemic. ALCA members get this in a flyer “Why Work With An ALCA Member During A Crisis “.The Aging Life Care Association has huge resources for dealing with coronavirus impact on geriatric care management. This makes joining ALCA now a great idea in this lethal pandemic and its deadly effect.
MARKET LIKE YOUR BUSINESS DEPENDED ON IT DURING COVID
October 22 @ 2:00 pm – 3:00 pm PST
As you are approaching the busiest season for care manager’s the holidays when families visit for the holiday and seeing their elderly parents skating on very thin aging ice
Learn care management marketing that works at all time but especially during COVID so you can:
Consult with and help client’s during COVID and post COVID
Convert Consultation into regular clients
Develop a positioning strategy so the caller chooses you
Understand lead generation in care management
Understand how to do an e-newsletter
Get the best marketing software
Understand Public Relations Press, TV Radio, Social Media Coverage
Understand Zoom Webinars
Create a 5 Star Marketing Plan for the top 10% of seniors who can afford you.
THIS FREE WEBINAR FROM 2 PM – 3 PM PST October 22, 2020
PRISON INMATES AND NURSING HOME PATIENTS NOT 6FT APART – 6 FEET UNDER
70% of inmates in federal prisons have COVID-19. In Kansas, the Lansing Correctional Facility had a riot of inmates over COVID-19 lack of care or protection It took the rebellion to get the coronavirus testing PPE and care. The Bureau of Prisons in Kansas confirmed finally that 79 staff have coronavirus and 88 prisons and prisoners dead.
Older residents in nursing homes cannot rebel like prisoners. Many can’t even walk. The Atlantic Magazine just published an article, We are Killing Elders Now. The writer states “In at least six states, these fatalities account for half of all COVID-19 deaths, and according to the World Health Organization, half of all coronavirus fatalities in Europe have been traced to nursing homes too. Some of this mortality is linked to long-term-care facilities that are shoddily run or that violate health standards. But most of them are doing the best they can with what they have. And they don’t have much”.
KAISER FOUNDATION NURSING HOME STAFFING AND USE OF PPE NOT REQUIRED IN MOST STATES
Kaiser reports -Staff Screening. It is more common for states to recommend rather than require daily screening of staff for illness in NFs (24 states recommend, 16 states + DC require)
Use of PPE. More states recommend (23 states) than require (7 states + DC) staff to use PPE
THE FEDS HAVE NO CMS FEDERAL GUIDELINES OR REPORTING
We have no federal guidelines for safety testing according to an article by the Kaiser Foundation
It is now estimated that 16,000 deaths have occurred in nursing homes and that is without the federal government revealing any numbers and not making available any testing. But the numbers are probably huge- if we could just do testing.
CMS announced it would have a meeting of a “panel” of experts “ sometime at the end of May”. After probably 20,000 older people died and the feds did nothing this shows their sense of urgency about this pandemic’s national “elder cleansing”.
WHAT CONNECTS PRISONS AND NURSING HOMES – CONCENTRATION CAMPS
So, what is the connection between the viral spread of COVID-19 in nursing homes and prisons- 6 feet ? Prisoners and residents, in nursing homes, and prisons cannot social distance. Jails and prisons have human beings crammed together with no choice. Nursing homes have 2 beds or if you are on Medicaid three to a room. Neither group has a choice to social distance. They are ” concentrated” as in concentration camps or death camps.
Do SOMETHING – HELP NURSING HOMES PREVENT MORE CARNAGE
So, as someone who has spent her career in aging, I am calling out to everyone, especially professional in aging – do something. Since the feds appear to be doing little- call your congressman, write a letter to the editor.
BE KIND LIKE RACHEL MADDOW REPORTS LA JEWISH HOME LA WAS
Rachel Maddow suggests calling your local nursing homes and see what they need. Be kind like the LA Jewish Home was to a smaller nursing home LA Brier Oaks. They wanted to test their residents and had no tests and the larger LA Jewish Home had tests and shared them with the smaller as a good neighbor. What they found was ravaging but it also showed caring and generosity. Care and be generous and show the helpless elders in nursing homes in your town you are opposed to -nursing home being prisons or concentration camps.