Cathy Cress

Expert in Aging Life and Geriatric Care Management

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Adult Sibling Rivalry at Thanksgiving- Where To Get Help?

November 14, 2020

Siblings are The Biggest Source Of Stress Between Human Being

At family rituals, like Thanksgiving next week, adult siblings often are often brought back together. If you are one- will it be a happy feast?

As Gail Sheehy says in her book, Passages in Caregiving, we think that siblings will automatically support each other when aging parents fall apart. Sheehy quotes sociologists, Karl Pillemer and J. Jill Suitor, in a study they did conclude that siblings are inherent rivals and the biggest source of stress between human beings.

If you are a midlife sibling, perhaps you have a brother or sister to whom you hardly speak. Maybe you are about to see your siblings at the coming Thanksgiving feast, even on zoom during COVID, and anticipate largely ignoring him or her or doing chitchat as you seethe the inside. If you fit this description, you are in the same lurching boat as uncounted baby boomer siblings all over the world.

T

Childhood Wound Ripped Open

That wound from childhood may still ache enough to keep you on the furrowed path your family followed when you were young. Now, however, you and adult siblings, nearing or at retirement age, may need to come together again to be part of a niece or

 

nephew’s wedding or christening, help plan a parent’s anniversary dinner or, most important, oversee the increasing care of elderly family members.

Best Thanksgiving Sibling War Film

I suggest you watch Pieces of April, a fabulous Thanksgiving film ( lead Katy Holmes debuts in a standout performance) where the film’s dysfunctional family revolves around adult sibling rivalry. The film is also, in the end. around a catastrophic illness of the aging parent, where the siblings need to resolve their differences.

If you recognize this problem in your own family, seek counseling before coming the holidays engulfs you. Contact the Aging Life Care Association to find help before a parental crisis.

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8 Ways to Tame the Turmoil of the Holidays & Twindemic in the Aging Family

 Learn how!

  • How to sell services to the desperate Aging Family during the holiday surge
  • How to give hope to frantic children who call when their aging parent struggling with Loneliness and isolation on the holidays
  • How to help the Aging Family make holiday visits remotely or safely in person
  • How to counsel the Aging Family to track aging decline &Twindemic risk in loved ones
  • How to work with both dysfunctional and long-distance families who call during the holidays
  • How to use GCM tools to contain Holiday chaos
  • How to use financial forecasting to prepare for business growth during the holidays

Sidestep the Many Care Managers Who Do not know how to work with Dysfunctional family or do COVID Coaching of Aging Families so the client chooses you

THIS FREE WEBINAR IS Thursday, December 3, 2020, FROM 2 PM – 3:30 PM PST

Sign Up Now

 

 

Find out more in the YouTube for My YouTube, Channel  Geriatric Care 1

 

 

Filed Under: ADULT SIBling, Aging, Aging Life Care, aging life care manager, Aging therapist, Blog, Cut Off, Dysfunctional aging family, Dysfunctional Family & Holidays, Families, Filial Crisis, FREE WEBINAR, Geriatric Care Management Business, geriatric social worker, Holiday Meltdown in Aging Family, Holiday Sibling Rivalry, HolidaySeason and COVID, nurse care manager, SIBLING, sibling rivalry, Sibling Strife Holidays, Sibling Strife Thanksgiving, Thanksgiving, Thanksgiving & dysfunctional family, THANKSGIVING BLOG, Thanksgiving Parent crisis, Thanksgving visits during COVID, Therapist Specializing in Aging Tagged With: adult sibling, adult sibling conflict, adult sibling estrangement, Aging siblings, celebrations with siblings, cut-off sibling, Holidays with midlife siblings, irate siblings, sibling conflict, siblingd

Midlife Sibling Wars- Call in a Care Manager or Mediator?

April 24, 2016

Midlife siblings can often get into big dust- ups over inheritance or who Mom Loved Best. Elder mediation is a growing field that many geriatric care managers have embraced. Featured in the New York Times yesterday,  this profession is covered by Dana Curtis JD , in the new edition of the Handbook of Geriatric Care Management .

 

Curtis however warns that Aging Life or geriatric care managers are ” accidental mediators” who encounter warring sisters, exploding families in their work all involving money, inheritance, caregiver burnout who” mom loved best “ to do a professional skills check. . If a geriatric does not have the mediation  training, like GCM Bunni Dybnis , the aging life or GCM should find skilled elder mediator in their own continuum of care (community) and partner with them.

Filed Under: Aging Tagged With: aging life and geriatric care management, mediator, sibling abuse, sibling conflict, sibling cut off

Feuding Over Dad’s Golf Clubs? Call an Aging Life Geriatric Care Manager.

April 18, 2016

Can adult siblings be fair when they  share an aging parent’s non- titled property?The University of Minnesota researchers who developed “Grandma’s Yellow Pie Plate” have identified five factors that adult children should consider as they plan to transfer non-titled  property when a parent relocates, such as moving into an adult child’s home or to a higher level of care like assisted living.:

1.The adult children and aging parent, if alive, need to understand the sensitivity of the issue of transferring nontitled property. This means that, for example, a Menorah is not just an item but something that reminds all five children of the happy moments during Hanukah celebrations. If the mother dies, then the father remarries, and after his death the Menorah goes to the stepmother’s kids, the adult siblings may be terribly bitter—not about the physical Menorah, but about someone who was never at their Hanukah celebrations getting their memories.

2.The family should determine what they want to accomplish in the transfer. Does the older family member want to find family members who will lovingly care for their

beloved (though not valuable) Santa collection? Do the adult children want to carry out family traditions, such as only the firstborn daughter in the family gets Grandma’s engagement ring?

3.The family should decide what is fair in the context of the individual family and how that family wants to pass nontitled items along. Is it fair that the firstborn daughter gets the engagement ring, or should the firstborn daughter pick names from a hat to see who gets it, or should sons get a chance to get it also? Sometimes it is impossible for families to be fair. For example, three adult children may want the baby cereal bowl with Little Red Riding Hood on the bottom. Because there is no fair way to decide among themselves, except to break the bowl into three pieces, they may just have to work together to see who gets it or give it to the next born baby or grandchild.

4.The family and adult children should understand that belongings have different meanings for different individuals. When a mother moves, the oldest adult child may have a loving memory of a valuable silver tea set, not for its monetary value but for the tea parties the mother had with her when she was a toddler. The mother may have been too busy to have those tea parties with the other children, and they may value the set only because of its monetary value.

5.Consider distribution options and consequences. You can help the family agree to manage conflicts before they arise and avoid common obstacles before the items are divided.

Want to learn to start a geriatric care management agency ? Sign Up for a free webinar 

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Filed Under: Aging Tagged With: aging life or geriatric care, sibling conflict, sibling cut off, siblings feuding, siblings fighting

Fights Over Mom’s Salt and Pepper Collection- New Software for Brawling Adult Siblings

April 16, 2016

 

 


I have taught Grandma’s Yellow Pie plate for years because aging life and geriatric care managers have to help midlife siblings at war. These sisters and brother fight over big things like titled property. But they also really get into brawls over the little things that mean love and Mom- the salt and pepper shaker collection, Mom’s silver ,even with pieces are missing.

Well there is new help for these battling adult siblings – a piece of

software called Fair Split, used

by conservators, guardians and estate attorneys. Read the New York

Times article about adult siblings dividing assets 

  

Filed Under: Aging Tagged With: Grandmas Yellow Pie Plate, sibling conflict, sibling cut off, sibling estrangement, sibling family meeting

Red Flag #8 Family Meeting- Parent Care Crisis

September 26, 2013

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8. Siblings Facing Parent Care Crisis – A parent care crisis, such as an unexpected hospitalization, has erupted. Siblings are forced to work as a group, but are floundering due to old or new sibling wounds.

Filed Under: Aging Tagged With: aging patent problem, geriatric care manager, midlife sibling family meeting, parent care crisis, sibling conflict

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