Know the 3 Dysfunctional Aging Family Adult Children Who Call Post Holiday?s

January 4, 2022

3 Types of Dysfunctional Adult Children Call You After Holidays When you Need Clinical Skills to Work with these Callers

# 1 Inquiry from Narcissistic Adult Child in Dysfunctional Family

– The narcissistic adult child from the aging dysfunctional family who calls for help has an “it’s all about me” attitude. The aging parent and or a midlife sibling. could be narcissists. With aging parents, all siblings may have resented this self-absorption their entire lives and have a love/hate relationship with older moms or dads. With siblings, the other brothers and sisters resent this, especially with parent care. The self-absorbed sibling either does not participate in solving sibling or aging family troubles but just makes them worse. They call after the disastrous holiday season and you need clinical skills to work with them

#2 Inquiry from Devalued Child Entitled but Servile Adult.

The devalued adult child from the aging dysfunctional family calls you after the holidays you need clinical skills to work with them.

As a kid, the adult child of a narcissist parent was devalued in the parent’s eyes so that the now aging parent can feel superior and powerful in the world. These children mature into adults who are emotionally impoverished, inflexible, and needy.

As a geriatric care manager, the adult child presents as entitled. As clients, these adult children fear that unless they make inflexible demands, they will receive nothing. “ Get my mother into a concierge wing of a hospital by tomorrow”

An adult child of a narcissistic aging parent will present as nasty, aggressive, and devaluing of the service provider. Or they could be essentially insatiable and easily injured by the helping professional. The adult children of narcissistic entitled families are also often angry and frustrated at having to give care to a parent or parents whom they experienced as ungiving, demanding, intrusive, overpowering, and needy. They are members of an ultra dysfunctional aging family. They call after the holiday and you need clinical skills to work with them

# 3-Inquiry from needy adult children in the dysfunctional aging family

The adult child who calls may be the needy adult child. Baby boomers must evolve beyond the needy child he or she has been, depending on aging parents fiscal,

emotional, and social support, to the adult who supports his parent. Adult Children of aging parents in the 21st century not only confront the delay of their own needs when their parent’s aging and reliance call them but confront their own future and very much more immediate loss of the central figure in their lives, their own parents.

Some don’t- especially in the dysfunctional aging family.

These adults feel starved for parental affection they never received and often seek affection from professionals and other people in their lives to compensate for the care they didn’t receive as children. They call after the holiday and you need clinical skills to work with them.

These 3 types of adult children have clinical difficulties that are coping and defense mechanisms allowing them to adapt to a dysfunctional family. The care manager must enter the family system clinically to address the needs symptoms and defenses of the adult children to get care for the elder.

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11 Clinical Steps to Work with Dysfunctional Families-Post Holidays –

Thursday, January 6 2022 2:00-3:30 Pacific

Give frantic adult children hope when they desperately call after the holiday

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and learn how to come to the rescue of concierge dysfunctional families who found coal in their stockings.

Learn how to:

Understand the Dysfunctional Aging Family System you must enter to get care for elders

Understand 11 Warning Signs You Are Working with Dysfunctional Family

Master the 5 Clinical Tools – you need – to solve these problems with your clients

Learn Six Steps Professional Must Take to Work with These Difficult Families

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New Years Resolutions To Help Aging Parents

December 30, 2021

Adult child worried about aging parents during holidays visit

Do you make New Year’s resolutions? Here are some RESOLUTIONS TO HELP AGING PARENTS. It’s not “go on a diet,” because you ate some much holiday fare but what you should do after the holiday when you spotted red flags that made you worry about your aging mom or dad. Here is the entire list of New Year’s resolutions to help your aging parents you might make for January as an adult child worried about aging parents after the holiday visit.

Adult child worried about aging parents after holidays visit

RESOLUTIONS TO HELP AGING PARENTS

Adult Child Helping Senior aging mom with Finances

➢ Accompany the elderly person to the doctor, and talk to the doctor in person.

➢ Gather legal financial and insurance paperwork, and meet with professionals.
➢ Have all mail forwarded to yourself or another relative who will manage it
➢ Contact and meet with old and present friends.
➢ If your older family members are in a facility, make contact with staff that cares for them, and the ombudsman.
➢ Meet with your elderly relative’s support network.

➢ Meet with a geriatric care manager who can do all this for you
DO YOU THINK THIS RESOLUTION TO HELP AGING PARENTS IS TOO EXPENSIVE?

TEN REASONS YOU CAN AFFORD A GERIATRIC CARE MANAGER

The Top Ten Reasons Why You Can Afford A Geriatric Care Manager by Phyllis Brostoff

10. We can do in 2 hours what it would take you 2 weeks to do.

9. We know how to get around that “I’m saving for a rainy day” syndrome when your folks are drowning in their problems.

8. We’re much cheaper than the cost of plane fare if you have to fly into town when your parents say “everything is fine” but you know it isn’t.

7. We can give you the scoop on which nursing home is really right for your parents.

6. We can make your parents hear what you have said over and over again, but they refuse to listen to them, you are still a child.

5. We can tell you’re annoying siblings to shut up, but graciously.

4. We’ve helped hundreds of families a lot worse than yours.

3. Your dad can’t push our buttons.

2. Next time you want to hang up on your mother, you can tell her to call us.

1. We’re available 24/7, so you don’t have to be. Just find us here

If you are a care manager check out my latest free webinar on clinical skills to solve aging family problems post-holidays

Do You Know How to Use Whole Family Approach to End of Life Issues ?

February 10, 2021

Family Working Together as a Unit

The whole family approach is critical with death and dying. Care managers are often engaged to help facilitate the discussions at end of life, and help family members come together to work as a functional unit.

Understanding the differing viewpoints is critical

Knowing what a parent wants and does not want during the last days and hours of life help define and simplify the role of the family. It relieves the family of the burden of having the responsibility of making decisions which may not be what their parents want, and can also avoid family conflicts when adult children may have differing values.” Proactive discussions and legal planning can help to reduce some of the potential conflicts.

Major Family Issues at End of Life

I found myself with a family member dealing with end of life issues. The

issues were: money as the elderly man would need to have 24-hour care to return home to die and where he would return home, as although the son was unsure, everyone agreed that the son’s home where all the grandchildren and great-grandchildren gathered was the best place.

The most important was should the elderly man withdraw dialysis and extreme measures that were not saving his life. He was competent and had chosen this.

Issues Solved by A FamilyMeeting

All, these problems were solved by two things. The man’s physicians helped him understand the dialysis would not save him from dying. Then a family meeting with hospice and his care managed home care agency LivHome the son and his wife, and myself was set up using the whole family approach.

Hospice facilitated the discussion. The end result was to move to the son’s home, with 24-hour care and Hospice, where the entire family, were gathered in and out all day and the old man died a ” Good Death” knowing that his family surrounded him.

Deliver a Good End of Life- Add Death and Dying to Your Care Management Agency

Serve Your Client until Death Do You Part

Join me Thursday March 11 and learn why End of Life Services Are a perfect new service for care managers

In this 1 ½ -hour webinar you will learn how to

1.Transition the patient/family through the five stages of death

2.Help clients be active participants in their care

3.Give the family/caregiver tools to manage care

4 Provide family center care to caregiver and family

5 Choose the right support services through all stages of death

6.Introduce Hospice and Palliative care and work with their team

7 Use ALCA End of Life Benefits During COVID

8.Use COVID -19 Family Coaching for GCM

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Gwendolyn LAZO Harris MA, CT, Seniors at Home, San Francisco and Diane LeVan MA both highly expert care managers, created a seminal chapter “Palliative Care and End of Life Care Manager ” in my book Care Manager’s Working With the Aging Family

Emergency Go Binder -Family Caregivers Need One in Pandemic

August 13, 2020

In An Emergency, I Panicked

I live in Santa Cruz County, Ca. , where the disaster of COVID stalks us but we had a double disaster with one of the 30 fires begun by lightning strikes all over California. Our fire set the Santa Cruz mountains, with ancient 3000-year-old redwoods, ablaze, and caused 70,000 evacuations ,as the firefighters did not have enough fire personnel to fight the fire. There were so many fires statewide that all firefighters in the state were not enough to fight the blazes. In addition to the horror, the fast-spreading fire, our three assigned planes to drop water on the inferno, could not fly as smoke and fog prevented it. They went to other California fires.

I Had No Grab and GO, Binder

When all this was announced by emergency alerts we were told to prepare to evacuate too. In spite of just teaching how to put together a go binder for COVID- I had no go binder myself. I had no list of what I would take in an emergency from a 5 bedroom house with multiple family heirlooms, original art by children, grandchildren, and now famous friends, I had never scanned the multiple photographs of our family in frames to GOOGLE PHOTOS all over the house and those critical important documents like our trust, birth certificates, passports, insurance info in filing to add a go binder. I never made a GO Binder. I am doing it now when the fire is 30% contained.

Prepare for Double Disasters Now

In emergency situations, people sometimes do not think rationally like me. We never know how we are going to react in an emergency until it actually happens. In order to prepare for any situation, hurricanes & COVID, Fires &COVID- creating a grab-and-go binder should be an important part of your shelter in place plan for aging friends or relatives.

With COVID,the older person who is sheltering in place, as safe as the family and elder have been, can still contract COVID and be rushed to the hospital in an emergency. But on top of COVID other emergencies like storms wildfires, floods happen on the top of the pandemic. Think of this summer where hurricanes have already spun up the east coast, making it a double cataclysm of elders’ and family caregivers’ lives.

What to put in Go- Binder

You want and binder with all the emergency contacts, documents like advanced directives, DNR power of attorney and family contacts, You the family cannot physically go into the hospital or evacuate but this Go binder can take your place. With important information about your family member when they are admitted without you by their side. Your go- binder should contain your family members’ most important information and documents. This will include.

Medical information
Emergency Contact List
Advanced Directives
Critical medical, insurance, social security, Trust/will docs
Check out The new 5th edition of my GCM Operations Manual with 5 new COVID-19 Coaching products to use with Telehealth to Assist Family Caregivers to guide older Loved ones to:
Shelter in Place in Long Distance Family
Shelter in Place in Long Local Family
Recover at Home If Do not enter the Hospital
Recover after discharge from the hospital in Long Distance Family
Recover after discharge from the hospital if Local Family
Find Out More Below

GCM Manual New 5th edition

How an Art Museum is Combating Senior Loneliness in California?

March 22, 2019

Santa Cruz County, California is combating senior loneliness and isolation, through community organization and art. Following a similar exhibition on foster children MAH (Museum of Art and History), launched the Loneliness exhibition this year. MAH’s former director Nina Simon, who is internationally known, conceived the idea of community organization through museums ( Museum of Art and History) at MAH and is moving that brilliant concept globally.

Over the course of seven months, a group of Santa Cruz seniors, advocates, and artists , cascaded their ideas, art, hopes, and stories on senior loneliness and isolation in the Santa Cruz community together to create this inspiring exhibition. They created personal artwork about loneliness, brainstormed solutions to build connection and offered their words of wisdom for future generations.

Alongside incredible artworks, on loneliness by local seniors, this exhibit created 45 action cards to offer solutions to this growing problem. Examples are Drive a senior to the grocery store. Card ideas also included “Translate written materials into Spanish for a monolingual elder” or “Donate an iPod for entertainment “. If the visitor to the exhibit has a special skill, they are asked to volunteer to help a senior experience that -like get a manicure. Exhibit visitors take home the action card/s that inspires them the most and to help impact change in seniors experiencing social isolation in Santa Cruz County.

The exhibition will travel and be replicated in four other California counties, to give more lonely California seniors a chance to organize and create services for loneliness in other areas, through other museums that use art to create community.

Loneliness and isolation in older adults But what has been found is building social connections through the community as MAH has done is what combats this isolation in seniors, in our society. Loneliness puts seniors at risk for depression, cardiovascular failure, insomnia. It can, according to NY Times aging columnist Jane Brody raise levels of stress hormones and inflammation, which in turn can increase the risk of heart disease, arthritis, Type 2 diabetes, dementia, faster and result in cognitive decline and even suicide attempts. It also is a factor in unnecessary placement in nursing homes

Increasing the quality of life is one major answer to loneliness. The primary way to bring more joy into a senior’s life is regaining a foothold in town or village, something that this type of community art exhibit and geriatric care managers both have made a major platform in their work. Nina Herndon a pioneer in quality of life in geriatric care management’s chapter in Handbook of Geriatric Care management where she outlines how care managers can deliver this service to conquer loneliness in seniors

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