Cathy Cress

Expert in Aging Life and Geriatric Care Management

The Ethics and Fears of Aging and Technology on Film

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Yesterday, I saw Robot and Frank a film I gave thumbs up to in another blog. The story, with the brilliant actor Frank Langella as Frank, is about the supposed future, but is here right now.

What the family needed was a geriatric care manager to help Frank’s dysfunctional family understand his point of view by being threatened with a nursing home, (or as he sees it “ mental institution), because he has early Alzheimer’s. He’s a cat burglar who, as the movie opens, to his horror, just broke into his own house. What the adult siblings got instead of a geriatric care manager was a robot, who turned out to have a very human side to him, totally captured at the film’s end. I went with 2 other aging professionals and we laughed throughout the film but noticed the older folks in the dark cinema were not laughing, as this was their worst nightmare, dementia, their families, robots and being placed in a nursing home.

A geriatric care manager can help family with technology- not the robot of the film but technology that can be used to help seniors and those with special needs, (even ex cat burglars), live safely in their home. Technology has the potential to help older people to maximize their independence, support family caregivers’ needs, improve the quality of care and quality of life, reduce and limit the cost of health care, and increase efficiency of care.

For example, telehealth devices or residential monitoring systems can be used to monitor when the older person’s pattern differs from the routine, and send an alarm to a central monitoring location if either health conditions or movement patterns differ from a previously observed or programmed norm. In this way, a condition that is starting to emerge may be identified before it becomes serious enough to warrant an emergency room visit and the dreaded nursing home placement, as Frank and the other older people in the theater, so feared.

See Robot and Frank- it’s fabulous -plus call a geriatric care manager before what happens in the film to Frank and his family befalls your own aging parent and you.

 

Caregiver Stress? Have a Sibling Caregiver Family Meeting

 

 

Whether you and your adult siblings employ formal paid caregivers or one or more adult siblings are doing the care themselves, a family meeting about caregiving issues in vital part of caring for an aging parent.

 

Why should you and your adult siblings organize and run a caregiver family meeting? Caregiver burnout is one of the main reasons aging parents are placed in a nursing home unnecessarily. A family caregiver’s, who can one of your siblings or even your aging mother, risks serious injury, depression and even death in caregiving for older adults. Caregiver stress and burden and how to deal with that caregiver overwhelm, is an essential reason for a caregiver family meeting.

 

A second main reason to have a caregiver family meeting is to fairly divide up the care among the adult siblings and family. Having one sibling caregiver or one aging spouses assume most of the care creates caregiver burden, risking physical and mental breakdown of the caregiver.

 

So adult siblings should hold a caregiver family meeting preferably ahead of a crisis, or in that crisis to save the main family caregiver, usually a sibling or spouse, from about throwing up her hands and quitting.

 

What can you do in a caregiver family meeting? You can put together a critical action plan or list to solve caregiver problems for the immediate safety of the caregiver and the care receiver. (elder who is receiving care)

I would highly recommend hiring a geriatric care manager to do a caregiver assessment before the meeting. The geriatric care manager can objectively and professionally assess both the caregiver and care receiver and give the family important feedback. The GCM can advise you as an adult sibling family, on both the issues to cover in the family meeting and how to set up and run the caregiver family meeting. The geriatric care manager can help key members organize the meeting.

If you are a” nearly normal family,” and all siblings locks arms in a crisis, the GCM can act as a facilitator, because facilitation is a meeting management skill. If you are a dysfunctional family and instead of locking arms the siblings blame each other in a crisis the GCM will probably suggest a mediator.

A professional mediator will organize and manage a sibling family meeting on caregiving that can successfully reconcile alienated siblings with each other and bring them back into the sibling group.

The mediator can then organize the adult siblings and larger family to solve the caregiver issues, before the caregiving of an aging parents breaks down and the disaster could have been avoided with the caregiver family meeting, with the help and professional guidance of a geriatric care manager.

Do You and Your Midlife Siblings Have Communication Problems?

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Do you have midlife sibling communication problems? Is one sibling not speaking to another? Is a sibling cut from the rest of the family? Do you just have trouble getting through to the sister who always bossed you around as a kid? Is the root a much deeper trail to a darker part of your childhood?

One or more brothers or sisters may realize that his or her siblings have difficulty in communicating. They would like to change that dynamic and work to become a more friendly, loving team in midlife and through the second half of their life. Consider a family meeting on midlife sibling communication.

 

 

Ten Tips to Make Sibling Labor Day Barbecue Stress Free

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Are your midlife siblings the coming to a Labor Day barbecue? Rituals like Labor Day are events to be enjoyed by midlife siblings and their families- not dreaded.

Here are ten tips to keep the sibling celebration stress free without midlife sibling drama and make it a midlife sibling team effort.

1) Remember that it is a family gathering and it is not all about you. Keep a positive attitude for the sake of your midlife siblings, aging parents, if they are there, your own young kids who will model sibling behavior from you -their parent-

in the way you interact with their aunts and uncles.

 

2) Call e-mail or facebook everyone ahead of time. Invite them and ask everyone to bring a dish to share. That is the beginning of building a sibling family team- sharing food. Call every midlife sibling and family member. Do not exclude. Again to build a team effort.

3) Attempt to get all your midlife siblings to plan activities ahead and jointly work to make them happen-with a sibling team spirit. Think of softball games, horseshoes, and a treasure hunt, anything that everyone can have joint ideas about beforehand. Use facebook to do this- hopefully all your siblings are your facebook friends.

4) Call or e mail ahead and arrange to split the bill for beverages like alcohol and soft drinks, again s sibling team effort

5) If you have nieces and nephew from your midlife siblings plan events for the kids jointly among your midlife siblings, ahead of time. Again, call visit or use facebook to do this but make it a team effort to make all you’re your nieces and nephews and your kids have fun.

6) Share jobs- setting up tables, bringing in equipment for sports or games, lawn chairs- especially ‘manning” the barbecue. (Sisters can cook) Share it and don’t let anyone be top dog –be the chosen chef, unless everyone is fine with that.

7) It is a party not a sibling family meeting. If you want to talk about personal issues, make a date in the future to get together with your angry sister/brother.

8) Share jobs gender wise among your midlife siblings. Men can cook too and women are now fireman and astronauts. Sisters can and do- move equipment and haul tables.

9) Don’t make this a family meeting where old sibling grudges get hashed out. Celebrations are just that. If someone pushes your button, keep that angry response to yourself and maybe arrange a future sibling family meeting and look into a geriatric care manager

 

10) Have fun with your midlife siblings. You have 50 years more to enjoy the longest deepest relationship of your life.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Midlife Sibling Care Giver Overload From Gender Bias- Have a Family Meeting

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According to the AARP a typical family caregiver in the U.S. is female, approximately 46 years old, has at least some college experience, and spends an average of 20 hours or more per week providing unpaid care to someone 50 or older. They are usually an adult child and and female sibling. In addition, this adult sibling/daughter usually works a paid job as well.

 

Gender bias in caregiving is a critical issue to cover in a midlife family meeting. Dividing up caregiving tasks so that they are gender equal and don’t fall hard on the female midlife siblings shoulders, is key to that female midlife sibling’s health and emotional balance. It is also key to maintaining a health happy  midlife sibling team to care for elderly parents. Team members, like midlife sisters, need to feel they are being treated fairly by male/ brother siblings.

 

Find out why and how to reorganize your midlife sibling caregiving team so that your aging parent gets the care he or she needs and your sister sibling is not overwhelmed by caregiving.

 

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