7 Tips For Feuding Midlife Siblings on Mother’s Day

April 26, 2020

Share ZOOM Without Daggers

Celebrations like Mother’s Day, (today) Hanukah, Christmas, and Father’s Day- (coming up)– any holiday— can be a nightmare with adult siblings and the dysfunctional family. They have to show up, yet they prepare for the daggers – either wielded by them or a fellow sibling.

Here are 7 tips to suggest adult sibling’s clients follow on holidays like Mother’s Day.:

1) It is a holiday event, not a family meeting. If you want to talk about personal issues, make a date to get together with your angry sister/brother.

2) Remember that it is Mother’s Day and not all about you. Keep a positive attitude for the sake of your aging parent if they are there, your own kids your nieces and nephews, and your adult siblings.

4) Call ahead as a team effort to arrange a time limit if using zoom for everyone to talk like 5 minutes. Call every family member. Do not exclude. Again to build a team effort.

5) Call ahead and arrange to split the bill a gift you send – ahead of time- again team effort and no embarrassing credit card bargaining afterward that only brings on more fights.

6) Keep your alcohol in check on the zoom call. You can’t control anyone else but you can control and even change yourself. We all say things we may regret with lots of nervous drinking.

7)If you are a professional working with midlife siblings caring for elders check out Care Managers Working With The Aging families and the Chapter about Siblings

7 Tips to Make Labor Day Midlife- Sibling Stress Free

August 28, 2019

Happy Labor Day.

If you are working with midlife siblings to solve elder care issues and they are attending a Labor Day barbecue-

Here are

Suggestions to make the ritual of Labor Day – a holiday to be enjoyed by midlife siblings and their families – not dreaded like the annual Thanksgiving dinner where Mom burns the turkey and your uncle gets drunk and sings.

Here are 7 tips to help them keep the Labor Day heartburn free without a midlife sibling to build a midlife sibling team over aging Mom and Dad issues.

1) Don’t discuss politics. In this era of the Trump presidency with so many families at odds over President The Democratic Presidential Race ,Trump, the Russian hacking investigation, DOMA, the building of the ” Mexican Wall ” –politics can be lethal to families. Spare siblings, and guests. This is bloodier than the civil war with so many kin at opposite poles. So keep it positive and light or just plain pass the time of day. And whatever you do, don’t drink too much and forget the ban on politics.

2) Remember that it is a family gathering and it is not “all about you”.Suggest keeping a positive attitude for the sake of aging parents, if they are there, and kids, who will model bad sibling behavior when they face parent- care in the future

3) Call email or Facebook, Evite everyone ahead of time. Ask everyone to bring a dish to share. That is the beginning of building a sibling family team- sharing food. Call every midlife sibling and family member. Do not exclude. Again to build a team effort.

4) Attempt to get all midlife siblings to plan activities ahead and jointly work to make them happen-with a sibling team spirit. Think of softball games, horseshoes, and a treasure hunt, anything that everyone can have joint ideas about beforehand. Use Facebook to do this- hopefully, all your siblings are your Facebook friends.

5) Arrange to split the bill for beverages like alcohol and soft drinks, again sibling team effort. Remember to go light on alcohol because, like the recent Houston explosion caused by hurricane flooding, alcohol can detonate sibling warfare.

6) Share jobs- setting up tables, bringing in equipment for sports or games, lawn chairs- especially ‘manning” the barbecue. (Sisters can cook too) Share it and don’t let anyone be top dog –be the chosen chef, unless everyone is fine with that.This is again modeling a sibling team about helping an aging Mom and Dad.

6) It is a party, not a sibling family meeting. If you want to talk about personal issues, make a date in the future to get together with your angry sister/brother.

7) Don’t make this a family meeting where old sibling grudges get hashed out.It is a holiday.

IF you are an ALCA member or GCMCheck out the chapter ” Working With Adult Aging Siblings” by Cathy Cress and Kali C Peterson in Care Manager’s Working With the Aging Family – for a deeper dive into how to work with midlife siblings around aging parent care.

Also, you could apply this to any labor day gathering with siblings and just leave out the aging parent issue.

HAVE A HAPPY LABOR DAY

Loneliness& Isolation in Seniors =Health Risk of Smoking 15 Cigarettes a Day

March 3, 2018

The AARP Foundation’s Connect2Affect has called social isolation a “growing health epidemic” among older adults. It equates the health risks of prolonged isolation with smoking 15 cigarettes daily. Adding a Quality of Life Program to a geriatric care management practice can help serve independent seniors who do not need hands-on care but do need more community and a way to help themselves overcome loneliness and social isolation.

In a recent study loneliness in seniors between the ages of 65 and 86 led to a 64 percent increase in the risk of developing dementia, an extraordinary spike in odds highlighting the importance of fostering meaningful relationships at all stages of life. Helping seniors, through a quality of life services, find new human connections and community, can give an older person a greater sense of happiness and joy. But as this study shows critically- better health.

Quality of Life of the older client can be important to the older person’s family. If the family is involved, which it often is, even if the senior is living alone, the care manager can assist families by beginning the dialogue to open discussions on preferences and values of the older client and the family. What would give the older person joy in their life? Would it be art, going to baseball games, being in a knitting group, having a tea for friends at their home, volunteering with a group?

Quality of Life issues that the care manager should assess is the individual’s need for social interaction or privacy; the value of family; proximity to cultural stimulation; and adaptability to change. These are just some of the many quality of life considerations.

A Care Management Agency can even develop a Quality of Life programs. Sage Eldercare in Northern California has developed a unique activity kit called Joyful Moments that helps family members, care managers, and caregivers. Joyful Moments, unique activity cards that give “the tools to re-engage older adults in life—and turn every visit from mundane to memory making. Nina Herndon the director of Sage Eldercare is also an expert in quality of life for seniors and authored a chapter on how care managers can develop that skills with seniors Handbook of Geriatric Care Management

Choice is important with seniors When values and preferences differ between elders individuals, in the family, it is important to identify how the differences may impact all involved in the process. What if the older person wants an electric scooter so she can shop at Safeway, the store she has used since she was a young mother and wife? At the same time what if the adult son or daughter will only shop at organic, health food markets and wants her mother to shop there. On top of that, the daughter feels the electric scooter is unsafe and the aging mother feels she is safe. How do you solve this quality of life dilemma?

Care Managers can be so valuable in not only helping a senior create a path out of loneliness and isolation by assisting in removing barriers to quality of life that family members may, out of care and worry, put in the elder’s way.

Loneliness/Prolonged Isolation in seniors =Health Risk of Smoking 15 Cigarettes a Day

March 3, 2018

The AARP Foundation’s Connect2Affect has called social isolation a “growing health epidemic” among older adults. It equates the health risks of prolonged isolation with smoking 15 cigarettes daily.Adding a Quality of Life Program to a geriatric care management practice can help serve independent seniors who do not need hands-on care but do need more community and a way to help themselves overcome loneliness and social isolation.

In a recent study loneliness in seniors between the ages of 65 and 86 led to a 64 percent increase in the risk of developing dementia, an extraordinary spike in odds highlighting the importance of fostering meaningful relationships at all stages of life. Helping seniors, through a quality of life services, find new human connections and community , can give an older person a greater sense of happiness and joy. But as this study shows critically- better health.

Quality of Life of the older client can be important to the older person’s family.If the family is involved, which it often is, even if the senior is living alone, the care manager can assist families by beginning the dialogue to open discussions on preferences and values of the older client and the family. What would give the older person joy in their life? Would it be art, going to baseball games, being in a knitting group, having a tea for friends at their home, volunteering with a group?

When values and preferences differ between individuals, in the family, it is important to identify how the differences may impact all involved in the process. What if the older person wants an electric scooter so she can shop at Safeway, the store she has used since she was a young mother and wife? At the same time what if the adult son or daughter will only shop at organic, health food markets and wants her mother to shop there. On top of that, the daughter feels the electric scooter is unsafe and the aging mother feels she is safe. How do you solve this quality of life dilemma?

Care Managers can be so valuable in not only helping a senior create a path out of loneliness and isolation but assisting in removing barriers to quality of life that family members may, out of care and worry, put in the elder’s way.

7 Tips to Make Labor Day Midlife- Sibling Stress Free

September 1, 2017

Happy Labor Day.

If you are working with midlife siblings to solve elder care issues and they are attending a Labor Day barbecue-

Here are

Here are 7 tips to help them keep the Labor Day heartburn free without a midlife sibling to build a midlife sibling team over aging Mom and Dad issues.

1) Don’t discuss politics. In this era of the Trump presidency with so many families at odds over President Trump, Charlotteville, the Russian hacking investigation, DOMA, the building of the ” Mexican Wall ” –politics can be lethal to families. Spare siblings, and guests. This is bloodier than the civil war with so many kin at opposite poles. So keep it positive and light or just plain pass the time of day. And whatever you do, don’t drink too much and forget the ban on politics.

6) It is a party, not a sibling family meeting. If you want to talk about personal issues, make a date in the future to get together with your angry sister/brother.

7) Don’t make this a family meeting where old sibling grudges get hashed out.It is a holiday.

Check out the chapter ” Working With Adult Aging Siblings” by Cathy Cress and Kali C Peterson in Care Manager’s Working With the Aging Family – for a deeper dive into how to work with midlife siblings around aging parent care.

Also, you could apply this to any labor day gathering with siblings and just leave out the aging parent issue.

HAVE HAPPY LABOR DAY

7 Tips to Make Labor Day Midlife- Sibling Stress Free

Happy Labor Day.

If you are working with midlife siblings to solve elder care issues and they are attending a Labor Day barbecue-

Here are

Here are 7 tips to help them keep the Labor Day heartburn free without a midlife sibling to build a midlife sibling team over aging Mom and Dad issues.

HAVE A HAPPY LABOR DAY

7 Tips to Make Labor Day Midlife- Sibling Stress Free

Happy Labor Day.

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