Cathy Cress

Expert in Aging Life and Geriatric Care Management

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When “Cut Off” in The Family is a ” Phantom Limb” at Thanksgiving

November 26, 2020

The Dysfunctional Family’s Worst Time of The Year

Thanksgiving can be the gateway to the dysfunctional family’s worst time of year- the holidays. You face family across the table you despise or just both love and hate. Or there is that empty seat- the uninvited guest- the brother-sister, aunt, son, daughter who you never invite- the cut off-family member. 

Families Phantom Limb

But since this leaves the family with that “phantom limb”- like the awful sensation that an amputated or missing limb is still attached and where it was is pulsating in pain- families reach out for someone to fix it.

The ordinary aging processes are made far tougher when a family has a history of dysfunction. Aging professionals, like geriatric care managers, have their greatest challenges in working with these “difficult” families around this time of year.

 Dysfunctional Families Fail Eldercare

Dysfunctional families are not able to organize themselves effectively in the face of eldercare challenges and crises. These families are under more stress as they move from long-established roles into uncharted territory.

Family” Cut” off  faces Phantom Limb at Thanksgivingimages_20141216-184443_1.jpg

What if they “ cut off” their Dad years ago and now he had a severe stroke-what do they do?? Someone has to take over Mom or Dad’s care and these dysfunctional midlife adult kids are heavy ambivalent or just don’t want to do it. Now that the holidays are arriving – they have the same attitude about attending the family Thanksgiving dinner.

My favorite aging dysfunctional family  ” cut off ” Thanksgiving film is  Pieces of April  Made as a comedy in 2003, it touches death and dying, sibling rivalry, mother-daughter estrangement, interracial love- and Alzheimer’s all fueled by deep family fault lines and how to cook a turkey on a broken stove. The film manages to make the old theme of fraught family Thanksgiving, crisp, funny, and ultra worth watching.I ordered it from Netflix but you  can watch on YOUTUBE 

 Shot in 3 weeks for a measly $350 K, it received a Sundance Film award and accolades for its pedigree cast including 21-year-old Katie Holmes as the grunge Goth daughter who her family has ” Cut Off”, Patricia Clarkson as the dying  Mom who distains then forgives her rebellious eldest child and Alice Drummond as the demented grandmother who comes along and plays the most rational person in the film in her obliviousness to the family holiday freak-out.

SIGN UP FOR MY WEBINAR

 

8 Ways to Tame the Turmoil of the Holidays & Twindemic in the Aging Family

 Learn how!

  • How to sell services to the desperate Aging Family during the holiday surge
  • How to give hope to frantic children who call when their aging parent struggling with Loneliness and isolation on the holidays
  • How to help the Aging Family make holiday visits remotely or safely in person
  • How to counsel the Aging Family to track aging decline &Twindemic risk in loved ones
  • How to work with both dysfunctional and long-distance families who call during the holidays
  • How to use GCM tools to contain Holiday chaos
  • How to use financial forecasting to prepare for business growth during the holidaysed6855aa32d877d7fc1ef9ee757e0f17-98.jpg

Sidestep the Many Care Managers Who Do not know how to work with Dysfunctional family or do COVID Coaching of Aging Families so the client chooses you

THIS FREE WEBINAR IS Thursday, December 3, 2020, FROM 2 PM – 3:30 PM PST

Sign Up Now

 

 

Find out more about Holiday Adult Child Freak out- in the YouTube for My YouTube, Channel  Geriatric Care 1

 

 

Subscribe to my YouTube Channel Geriatric Care 1

 

Filed Under: Adult children, Aging, Aging Alcohol Abuse, Aging Family, aging family crisis, aging life business, Aging Life Care, Aging Life Care Assocaition, aging life care manager, Aging therapist, Blog, care manager, case manager, Cut Off, Dysfunctional aging family, elder care manager, Families, Geriatric Care Management Business, Geriatric Care Manager, geriatric care manager, geriatric social worker, Holiday Meltdown in Aging Family, Holiday Rituals in Aging Family, nurse advocate, nurse care manager, Siblings, Thanksgiving, Thanksgiving Parent crisis, Therapist Specializing in Aging Tagged With: aging family, aging family Thanksgiving, aging life care manager, aging parent crisis, aging parent Thanksgiving, care manager, case manager, cut -off, dysfunctional family holidays, geriatric care manager, Katie Holmes, Marriage and Family Therapist, nurse care manager, Thanksgiving, Thanksgiving with aging parents, Thanksgiving with dysfunctional family, Therapist in Aging

Ten Warning Signs of a Dysfunctional Family- Warning Sign Number Three

October 31, 2019

 

What is scarier than Halloween?facebook-holiday-post-4.png

Happy Halloween –Kids and adults have fun being scary on Halloween. The Dysfunctional Aging Family is really scary. What is the third sign that you as an aging professional or geriatric care manager are working with an aging family- Cut off

Distancing & cut off- are pulling away and having nothing to do with family or an individual in your family.

You find adult children who have not spoken to parents or siblings for years.

Angela Jolie’s Cut-off With Her Dad

The celebrity feud and cut off between actress Angela Jolie and her Dad actor John Voigt is a well-publicized example of this.

What prompted reconciliation? Helping grandchildren- is one goal that professionals working with aging families can follow. Among the reasons, according to the press, that Jolie- Pit reconciled with her Dad was her children’s need for a grandparent . She learned that your children just have a very different version of a relationship with your parents than you do.

Assessing the Aging Family for Cut-off

When you assess the aging family as a professional you look at several signs for dysfunction. Has the family been stable over time? Is there a history of emotional cut-offs or distance on the part of one or more family members? Is there a pattern of divorce, remarriage, or other disruptions in relationships that change the balance within the family system if you look at a family and they have a history of fragility rather than stability, that a red flag that they are a dysfunctional aging family.

If there a history of emotional cut-offs or distance on the part of one or more family member or a pattern of divorce, remarriage, or other disruptions in relationships that change the balance within the family system- you are working with a difficult aging family

Sign Up for My Newest Free Webinar  

5 Ways to Tame the Turbulence of Holiday Meltdown in Aging Families

 

images_20141216-184443_1.jpg

 

 Save the Date FREE  WEBINAR : November 21, 2 PM-3 PM PST

 Learn how!

  • How to give hope to frantic children who call, after seeing their aging parent struggling with the rituals
  • How to sell services to desperate adult child callers
  • How to use GCM tools to contain Holiday chaos
  • How to use financial forecasting to prepare for growth during the holidays
  • How to work with both dysfunctional and long-distance families who call during the holidays

Sidestep the Many Care Managers Who Do not know how to work with Dysfunctional Aging Families and get the client to sign up with you

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  • SIGN UP NOW

 

 

Filed Under: Aging, Aging Family, aging family crisis, aging life business, Aging Life Care, Aging Life Care Assocaition, aging life care manager, Aging therapist, Angela Jolie, Cut Off, Cut-Off, Dysfunctional Family & Holidays, Geriatric Care Management Business, Geriatric Care Manager, geriatric care manager, geriatric social worker, Holiday Meltdown in Aging Family, Holiday Rituals in Aging Family, nurse advocate, nurse care manager, Thanksgiving Parent crisis, Therapist Specializing in Aging, Webinar Tagged With: aging life and geraitric care manager, aging life care manager, aging life or geriatric care manager, aging parent crisis, Angelia Jolie's Dad, care manager, case manager, cut -off, dysfunctional aging family, geriatric social worker, Marriage and Family Therapist, nurse advocate

When Cut Off in The Family is a ” Phantom Limb” at Thanksgiving

October 24, 2019

The Dysfunctional Family’s Worst Time of The Year

Thanksgiving can be the gateway to the dysfunctional family’s worst time of year- the holidays. You face family across the table you despise or just both love and hate. Or there is that empty seat- the uninvited guest- the brother-sister, aunt, son, daughter who you never invite- the cut off-family member. 

Families Phantom Limb

But since this leaves the family with that “phantom limb”- like the awful sensation that an amputated or missing limb is still attached and where it was is pulsating in pain- families reach out for someone to fix it.

The ordinary aging processes are made far tougher when a family has a history of dysfunction. Aging professionals, like geriatric care managers, have their greatest challenges in working with these “difficult” families around this time of year.

 Dysfunctional Families Fail Eldercare

Dysfunctional families are not able to organize themselves effectively in the face of eldercare challenges and crises. These families are under more stress as they move from long-established roles into uncharted territory.

Family” Cut” off  faces Phantom Limb at Thanksgivingimages_20141216-184443_1.jpg

What if they “ cut off” their Dad years ago and now he had a severe stroke-what do they do?? Someone has to take over Mom or Dad’s care and these dysfunctional midlife adult kids are heavy ambivalent or just don’t want to do it. Now that the holidays are arriving – they have the same attitude about attending the family Thanksgiving dinner.

My favorite aging dysfunctional family  ” cut off ” Thanksgiving film is  Pieces of April  Made as a comedy in 2003, it touches death and dying, sibling rivalry, mother-daughter estrangement, interracial love- and Alzheimer’s all fueled by deep family fault lines and how to cook a turkey on a broken stove. The film manages to make the old theme of fraught family Thanksgiving, crisp, funny and ultra worth watching.

 Shot in 3 weeks for a measly $350 K, it received a Sundance Film award and accolades for its pedigree cast including 21 year old Katie Holmes as the grunge Goth daughter who her family has ” Cut Off”,Patricia Clarkson as the dying  Mom who distains then forgives her rebellious eldest child and Alice Drummond as the demented grandmother who comes along and plays the most rational person in the film in her obliviousness to the family  holiday freak-out.

Subscribe to my YouTube Channel Geriatric Care 1

 

Filed Under: Adult children, Aging, Aging Alcohol Abuse, Aging Family, aging family crisis, aging life business, Aging Life Care, Aging Life Care Assocaition, aging life care manager, Aging therapist, Blog, care manager, case manager, Cut Off, Dysfunctional aging family, elder care manager, Families, Geriatric Care Management Business, Geriatric Care Manager, geriatric care manager, geriatric social worker, Holiday Meltdown in Aging Family, Holiday Rituals in Aging Family, nurse advocate, nurse care manager, Siblings, Thanksgiving, Thanksgiving Parent crisis, Therapist Specializing in Aging Tagged With: aging family, aging family Thanksgiving, aging life care manager, aging parent crisis, aging parent Thanksgiving, care manager, case manager, cut -off, dysfunctional family holidays, geriatric care manager, Katie Holmes, Marriage and Family Therapist, nurse care manager, Thanksgiving, Thanksgiving with aging parents, Thanksgiving with dysfunctional family, Therapist in Aging

Caregiver Assessment- Can it Prevent Caregiver Burnout?

October 3, 2019

Caregiver Burnout is Big Federal Problem

Family caregivers are so many times in a complete state of caregiver burnout. From a policy perspective, the federal government and the long-term care system in the United State cannot afford to neglect the burnout and strain of millions of Americans caregivers any longer.

Despite the rewards caregivers get from giving care we know from years of research that being a family caregiver results in brutal losses. These degradations and deficits include role conflict and overload from the never-ending tasks demanded of a caregiver. Left in a permanent state of worry and anxiety much of the time, caregivers are working in a deteriorating and unpredictable situation.

Caregivers Feel Trappedchannel_caregiver_burnout.jpg

Caregivers can feel entrapped by there the restrictions on their own life. They are often beset by fiscal worries because they are not paid except in some states, like California under Medicaid. Yet the caregiving situation explodes in cost through medical bills, medical equipment and informal care that must be brought in, if the family can afford it.

Caregivers Are Not Attorneys

Family caregivers face a quagmire of legal problems including untangling wills, trusts, and inheritance issues which generally complicate care both emotionally and physically. Many times these family caregivers compound their fiscal woes by having to quit their job, running the risk of never being hired again, and that is if they can eventually return to work.

Caregivers Mental Health Ravaged

The caregivers own physical and mental health is often ravaged. They have to do medical tasks that years ago family caregivers never had to do. If they were paid by an agency, this would be a workman’s compensation nightmare for the company, yet these family caregivers are never even paid. So it is time that geriatric care managers and other professionals in aging started to respond to this family caregiver nightmare and use a caregiver assessment every time they assess an older client tended by a family caregiver.

Find out more in the YouTube below from My Geriatric Care 1 Channel.

 

 

Filed Under: Aging, Aging Family, aging family crisis, Aging Life Care, Aging Life Care Assocaition, aging life care manager, care manager, caregiver assessment, caregiver burnout, caregiver mental health, CAREGIVER RESOUCES, elder care manager, Geriatric Care Management Business, Geriatric Care Manager, geriatric social worker, nurse advocate, nurse care manager, Webinar Tagged With: aging parent care, aging parent crisis, assessing the caregiver, caregiver, caregiver assessment, caregiver burnout, caregiver overload, caregiver overwhelm, caregiver stress, caregiving family members, case manager, elder care crisis, Functional Assessment, geraitric assessment, Geriatric Assessment, geriatric care management, geriatric care manager, informal caregiver, Marriage and Family Therapist, My Geriatric Care Management Operations Manual, stress and burden

How is a Geriatric Care Manager a Care Connector With Mid Life Siblings ?

July 15, 2019

We are creeping towards to August which means often seeing our midlife siblings at more summer vacation events. At times  we are estranged from midlife sibling or we are polite at a family gathering but there is no real connection.siblings

Aging life or geriatric care managers are care connectors. They cannot do everything themselves for the family , like be the best geriatrician, accountant or home health aide nor do they have the skills to do that. What they have is the skill to connect to the right resource, like a geriatrician , elder-law attorney , support group or home health aide, especially for a family caregiver.

Emotional resources can link a circle of care for the direct family caregiver. These emotional supports could and should include adult siblings  .Siblings are the longest and deepest relationship in any person’s life. Reconnecting midlife or aging brother’s and sisters, through the circle of care, is a critical GCM task but to achieve this, the care manager may have to depend his clinical skills in helping siblings with forgiveness or reconnecting siblings who live long distance.

Midlife siblings have often spent the last 30 years tending to their own families .So the point of reconnection with middle aged brothers and sisters often happens when they are still working or  just retiring  — unexpectedly  thrown into a crisis in parent care.

This is where the GCM needs to have clinical skills to can help with healing this sibling disconnection-often short circuited by an old sibling wound  that helping the sister and brother work together as a circle of care . You replace the shorted fuse in the fuse box.

If the family is dysfunctional,  the care manager becomes a care connector and links the right resources  that might include an  mediator who specializes in aging families  or a Marriage and Family Therapist  who specializes in Aging  (hard to find)

If you are a geriatric care manager or therapist,you can find chapters on mediation, working with the nearly normal family and dysfunctional aging family, siblings, family meetings and care connection Handbook of Geriatric Care Management 4th ed. for help in all these areas.

It may be 4 months away till Thanksgiving but a an aging parent crisis could happen tomorrow. Reach Out now for help.

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Filed Under: ADULT SIBling, Aging, aging family crisis, Aging Life Care, Aging Life Care Assocaition, aging life care manager, Blog, care management start-up, care manager, Care Plan, caregiver assessment, Caregiver Burn Out, Dysfunctional Aging Familu, elder care manager, Families, Geriatric Care Management Business, geriatric care manager, geriatric social worker, Long Distance Care, SIBLING, sibling rivalry, sibling sharing care, Siblings Tagged With: adult sibling conflict, adult sibling estrangement, adult sibling meeting, aging life geriatric care manager, care manager, dysfunctional family, elder care manager, elder mediator, geriatric care manager, Marriage and Family Therapist, nurse care manager

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