Cathy Cress

Expert in Aging Life and Geriatric Care Management

Do You have A Twisted Sister Story After the Holidays?

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Did you spend Christmas or Hanukkah with midlife siblings and family then wake with a horrible hangover- either from too much booze or just amplified emotional tension that turns you inside out next morning.

Perhaps it involved arguments over aging parent care? If dealing with your siblings gives you a royal headache, the tension may have been made worse by the conflagration of alcohol and /or age old rifts between you and your siblings that started in childhood.

It may be time to look into the roots of your family script.

Did your step, half or blood sibling do something long ago that’s still a weeping wound in your mind? Does it keep you apart or in each other’s faces –  – especially awkward- during a holiday gathering when families were flocking together consuming mounds of pot luck food and sharing old stories or recent family news

If the main villain in the family tragedy is a sibling or step sibling or half sibling – here’s a post-Christmas or Hanukkah quiz to see if you need help from someone like an Aging Life Care Manager 

Find out if have a sibling “I Hate You Story”. Maybe you did not think you needed this test few weeks ago. Post-Christmas or Hanukkah – if you know you need the test now- here it is.

Take the test below.

  1. Have you told your sibling story more than once to the same person?
  2. Do you play the sibling events more than two times in a day in your mind?
  3. Do you find yourself speaking to the sibling who hurt you even when the person is not there?
  4. Have you made a commitment to yourself to tell the sibling story without being upset then found yourself agitated anyway?
  5. Is the sibling who hurt you a central character in your story?
  6. When you tell your sibling story does it remind you of other painful things that happened to you?
  7. Does the sibling story focus primarily on your pain and what you lost?
  8. In your sibling story is there a villain?
  9. Have you made a commitment not to tell the sibling story again and then broken your vow?
  10. Do you look for other people with similar sibling problems to tell your story to?
  11. Has your sibling story stayed the same over time?
  12. Have you checked the details of your sibling story for accuracy?

If you answer yes to five or more the questions, there is a good chance you have a sibling I Hate You “story. To end brother or sister blood step or half sibling blood feud and make peace makes forgiveness as a gift to you.

Try change of season resolution and welcome The New Year by taking the – ten steps to sibling forgiveness to heal yourself and hopefully make the next holiday, sometimes the dreaded holidays with siblings will be spent hangover free. For Help

Check out my book Mom Loves You Best  

Red Flags for Long Distance Siblings Inquiring About Services Before the Holiday Visit.

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Checklist Midlife Siblings Holiday Visit to Aging Parents

 

Do you have adult children inquiring about your services before the rapidly approaching holiday? Here is a Check List of 10 red flags for danger to share with long distance midlife siblings for their holiday visit to aging parents? A midlife sibling Christmas or Hanukah visit to elderly parents to can be bitter or sweet or it can be just plain scary. Ask them to call you when they return and you can set up a meeting with all the siblings to discuss care.

 

The frightening part often happens when you haven’t seen an aging Mom or Dad for a while. If midlife siblings live long distance, making an occasional visit can set off alarms, especially if they find  aging Mom or Dad has gone downhill . Then a geriatric or aging life care manager is just the perfect answer. Let them figure this out with your geriatric care manager  Sherlock Holmes guidance and clues to find your value.

 

  1. Curb Appeal – Does your Dad’s home look more like an unmaintained rental? Is there disrepair, a weedy yard, uncleaned carpets or furniture?
  2. Housekeeping – Are there dirty dishes, unwashed sheets, a mess where things used to be tidy? Does the house look like it needs a scrubbing, or at least someone to help with cleaning?
  3. Medication – Can you find a stash of outdated medication in the bathroom, bedroom or anywhere? ➢ Driving – Is driving with your older Dad frightening? Ask him to drive you somewhere. How is his reaction time, or judgment? Can he drive at night? Does he have traffic tickets? Assess the car. Is it worse for wear, dented or are there telltale signs of accidents?
  4. Trash- Are there bags of trash in the basement or out back? Look in closets.

 

  1. Collections- Are there growing collections that appear to be out of control, of newspapers, magazines, old sports memorabilia, ashtrays – any accumulation that appears to be taking over space and looks excessive. This is a sign of hoarding
  2. Shopping- Take him out shopping or out to a meal to celebrate the day. When he does shopping or pays for a meal, does he have problems with checks, credit cards, figuring tips, or calculating discounts? Does he forget his wallet or other important personal items he should have with him?
  3. Change in Behavior- Is Dad quiet when he used to be loud? Is he paranoid, having mood swings, unsocial when he used to be the belle of the ball or life of the party?
  4. Odors- Did you smell urine? Must? Mildew? Dirty clothes or dishes?
  5. Refrigerator- Are there science experiments, aka moldy food in the refrigerator?
  6. Unpaid Bills- are there piles of unpaid bills in drawers or in your loved one’s desk. Are their notices or gas or electric turn offs? Search their desk and perhaps, in you have access, look at their bill pay account.

 

 If any of these clues turn up trouble, you should set up meeting vis phone or in person to talk your midlife siblings about the problems discovered and set up a family meeting via Skype, in person or a family conference call. 

For More Read Care Manager’s Working With Nearly Normal Families- Working With Long Distance Care Providers in

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Handbook of Geriatric Care Management 4th edition 

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