A Blue Christmas or Hannakka is what the dysfunctional family always has. Elvis gets them. He sings it for this joyless broken-hearted –yet furious- family. They have a blue holiday filled with memories of ruined, -maybe drunken- giftless pain while most holiday songs warble their celebration should be white.

And when those blue snowflakes start falling
That’s when those blue memories start calling
You’ll be doin’ all right with your Christmas of white
But I’ll have a blue, blue, blue, blue Christmas

You can’t be Elvis but here are some more steps a geriatric care manager can transform these families after they call on the holiday.

Identify intergenerational roles and conflicts: The GCM must ” get” existing power dynamics within the family, redefine responsibilities to move to generational maturity, and realign roles and tasks for each family member.

The GCM should encourage a new two-way nurturing relationship between the adult child and the aging parent that never existed. At the same time, the GCM must enable the adult child as a caregiver to set limits that are appropriate to a mature relationship (a very hard redo) The GCM shapeshifts the adult child to identify and remove himself or herself from triangulated, fused, or other destructive family patterns that blue, blue Christmas

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Whether you are an aging professional here is what you will see when you do an intake with the difficult family .

1. Contentiousness – Old fights erupt; the family gets into arguments with one another about old issues.

“ Secret Santa bull. I got Laurie and she never got a decent gift for my kids all these years so I am never being her damn secret Santa”

2. Anger – Family members express physical anger, emotional abuse, and financial abuse,

“ Take Mom and shove it. I am not taking care of her over the holidays. She was an awful mother to me”

3. Distancing & cut off – Some siblings or parents have nothing to do with family and may not speak to parents or siblings for long periods of time.

” Aunt Kathy and I have not talked for a year- so, of course, I am not inviting her to Hannauka”

4. Fusion – Family members, such the mother and eldest daughter, blend into one another. For example, the daughter sounds, acts and has the same prejudices as the mother. Think of the media’s portrayal of Lindsay Lohan and her mother.

“ Freddie and Dad might be the same damn person -never taking care of their kids. I buy gifts for Michael his son and even put him through private school and high school – he never pay child support- or help- just like Dad. Mom paid for us both to go to college. Freddie is just a damn clone of Dad”

5. Denial – Adult siblings do not see decline in a parent, do not face reality and do not take care of the parent, if he or she needs care

” Do not tell me Mom can’t wrap her own present and I should” She was always giving us unwrapped gifts. She’s selfish and lazy nor demented.”

Five Warning Signs That You May be in an Aging Dysfunctional Family On The Holidays

Whether you are an aging professional here is what you will see when you do an intake with the difficult family .

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5 Vital Clinical Tools to Help Aging Dysfunctional Families-Post Horrid Holidays-

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Whether you are an aging professional here is what you will see when you do an intake with the difficult family .

Contact

Connect with Cathy

Get Cathy’s “10 Critical Success Steps to a Profitable Aging Life or GCM Business”