7 Tips to Make Labor Day Midlife- Sibling Stress Free

August 28, 2019

Happy Labor Day.

If you are working with midlife siblings to solve elder care issues and they are attending a Labor Day barbecue-

Here are

Suggestions to make the ritual of Labor Day – a holiday to be enjoyed by midlife siblings and their families – not dreaded like the annual Thanksgiving dinner where Mom burns the turkey and your uncle gets drunk and sings.

Here are 7 tips to help them keep the Labor Day heartburn free without a midlife sibling to build a midlife sibling team over aging Mom and Dad issues.

1) Don’t discuss politics. In this era of the Trump presidency with so many families at odds over President The Democratic Presidential Race ,Trump, the Russian hacking investigation, DOMA, the building of the ” Mexican Wall ” –politics can be lethal to families. Spare siblings, and guests. This is bloodier than the civil war with so many kin at opposite poles. So keep it positive and light or just plain pass the time of day. And whatever you do, don’t drink too much and forget the ban on politics.

2) Remember that it is a family gathering and it is not “all about you”.Suggest keeping a positive attitude for the sake of aging parents, if they are there, and kids, who will model bad sibling behavior when they face parent- care in the future

3) Call email or Facebook, Evite everyone ahead of time. Ask everyone to bring a dish to share. That is the beginning of building a sibling family team- sharing food. Call every midlife sibling and family member. Do not exclude. Again to build a team effort.

4) Attempt to get all midlife siblings to plan activities ahead and jointly work to make them happen-with a sibling team spirit. Think of softball games, horseshoes, and a treasure hunt, anything that everyone can have joint ideas about beforehand. Use Facebook to do this- hopefully, all your siblings are your Facebook friends.

5) Arrange to split the bill for beverages like alcohol and soft drinks, again sibling team effort. Remember to go light on alcohol because, like the recent Houston explosion caused by hurricane flooding, alcohol can detonate sibling warfare.

6) Share jobs- setting up tables, bringing in equipment for sports or games, lawn chairs- especially ‘manning” the barbecue. (Sisters can cook too) Share it and don’t let anyone be top dog –be the chosen chef, unless everyone is fine with that.This is again modeling a sibling team about helping an aging Mom and Dad.

6) It is a party, not a sibling family meeting. If you want to talk about personal issues, make a date in the future to get together with your angry sister/brother.

7) Don’t make this a family meeting where old sibling grudges get hashed out.It is a holiday.

IF you are an ALCA member or GCMCheck out the chapter ” Working With Adult Aging Siblings” by Cathy Cress and Kali C Peterson in Care Manager’s Working With the Aging Family – for a deeper dive into how to work with midlife siblings around aging parent care.

Also, you could apply this to any labor day gathering with siblings and just leave out the aging parent issue.

HAVE A HAPPY LABOR DAY

7 Tips to Make Labor Day Midlife- Sibling Stress Free

September 1, 2017

Happy Labor Day.

If you are working with midlife siblings to solve elder care issues and they are attending a Labor Day barbecue-

Here are

Here are 7 tips to help them keep the Labor Day heartburn free without a midlife sibling to build a midlife sibling team over aging Mom and Dad issues.

1) Don’t discuss politics. In this era of the Trump presidency with so many families at odds over President Trump, Charlotteville, the Russian hacking investigation, DOMA, the building of the ” Mexican Wall ” –politics can be lethal to families. Spare siblings, and guests. This is bloodier than the civil war with so many kin at opposite poles. So keep it positive and light or just plain pass the time of day. And whatever you do, don’t drink too much and forget the ban on politics.

6) It is a party, not a sibling family meeting. If you want to talk about personal issues, make a date in the future to get together with your angry sister/brother.

7) Don’t make this a family meeting where old sibling grudges get hashed out.It is a holiday.

Check out the chapter ” Working With Adult Aging Siblings” by Cathy Cress and Kali C Peterson in Care Manager’s Working With the Aging Family – for a deeper dive into how to work with midlife siblings around aging parent care.

Also, you could apply this to any labor day gathering with siblings and just leave out the aging parent issue.

HAVE HAPPY LABOR DAY

Do You Know How to Use Whole Family Approach to End of Life Issues ?

June 16, 2017

End of Life issues can be complex and can be emotionally charged. They may be connected to cultural, religious, and moral beliefs. When the important end of life decisions need to be made, the stress of the responsibility and the seriousness of the situation can cause great discomfort. Care managers are often engaged to help facilitate the discussions, and help family members come together to work as a functional unit.

Understanding the differing viewpoints is critical. Knowing what a parent wants and does not want during the last days and hours of life help define and simplify the role of the family. It relieves the family of the burden of having the responsibility of making decisions which may not be what their parents want, and can also avoid family conflicts when adult children may have differing values.” Proactive discussions and legal planning can help to reduce some of the potential conflicts.

In the situation I found myself with family member dealing with end of life issues their issues were: relationship to money as he would need to have 24 hour care to return home to die, where he would return home, as although the son was unsure, everyone agreed that the son’s home where all the grandchildren and great-grandchildren gathered was the best place. Most important was should the elderly man withdraw dialysis and extreme measures that were not saving his life. He was competent and had chosen these. All, these problems were solved in the hospital by a family meeting with hospice, the care managed home care agency the son and his wife and myself and many meetings with the physicians. Hospice facilitated the discussion. The end result was to move to the son’s home, with 24-hour care and Hospice, where the entire family, were gathered in and out all day and the old man died with such peace knowing that his family was surrounding him.In the need he and his family

Most important was should the elderly man withdraw dialysis and extreme measures that were not saving his life. He was competent and had chosen these. All, these problems were solved in the hospital by a family meeting with hospice, the care managed home care agency care manager, the son and his wife and myself and many meetings with the physicians. Hospice facilitated the discussion. The end result was to move to the son’s home, with 24-hour care and Hospice, where the entire family, were gathered in and out all day and the old man died with such peace knowing that his family was surrounding him.In the need he and his family

He was discharged to the son’s home, with 24-hour care and Hospice, where the entire family gathered in and out all day and the elderly man is dying with such peace knowing that his family is surrounding him.In the end, he and his family surrounded him with a “good heart” joy and peace at the end of his life.

Gwendolyn LAZO Harris MA, CT, Seniors at Home, San Francisco and Diane LeVan MA both highly expert care managers, created a seminal chapter “Palliative Care and End of Life Care Manager ” in my book Care Manager’s Working With the Aging Family

Moving Parent in- Functional Assessment- Organizing Family to Help With Caregiving

October 24, 2014

If the family members moving the older person to their home cannot render the level of care needed to deal with functional deficits, then the geriatric care manager can help assess the cost of care from a reliable private duty home care agency in their continuum of care. Hiring a home health care worker cost an average of $19.00 per hour or $29,640 annually.

The cost of this cares many again be a deciding factor to move the elder in with the adult child.

One great talent of a geriatric care manager is reorganizing the family so family members and friends can share the care. This would take a geriatric care manager facilitating a family meeting to outline the care tasks and schedule that need to be covered to care for the older person. Then the next agenda point would be discussing who could participate in the care giving. The final step is organizing a schedule, which can be done through many tech tools like Lots of Helping Hands . This care can be supplemented by adult day care in the community, attendance at senior centers. Geriatric care manager are experts of the continuum of care in the community so can find activities that can supplement the family care giving to create a low cost care plan to keep the older family member at their new home. This is an excellent way a geriatric care manager can help a family member who is willing to move an older relative in their home but does not have the money to pay for private duty care.

Communication Technology for The Long Distance Family

March 26, 2014

7 Tips to Make Labor Day Midlife- Sibling Stress Free

Happy Labor Day.

If you are working with midlife siblings to solve elder care issues and they are attending a Labor Day barbecue-

Here are

Here are 7 tips to help them keep the Labor Day heartburn free without a midlife sibling to build a midlife sibling team over aging Mom and Dad issues.

HAVE A HAPPY LABOR DAY

7 Tips to Make Labor Day Midlife- Sibling Stress Free

Happy Labor Day.

Moving Parent in- Functional Assessment- Organizing Family to Help With Caregiving

Communication Technology for The Long Distance Family

Contact

Connect with Cathy

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