Why Do Adult Children Hate and Love Parents in Aging Dysfunctional Family?

January 11, 2021

The aging dysfunctional family takes an expert to tackle because violence can break out at any time. In the film version of Tracy Letts August in Osage County. Julia Roberts (the eldest daughter) attacks Meryl Streep (the pill-popping aging mother) at a ritual family gathering- the elder Dad’s funeral after he commits suicide.

In the dysfunctional family, there have been symptoms of problems such as alcohol abuse, drug abuse, child abuse, or emotional abuse, like the demeaning mother the character Meryl Streep plays in August in Osage County. These dysfunctions usually create barriers to nurturing and this affects everyone in the family system.

The family system is also marked by ambivalence and all adults and children live in a love-hate relationship with other family members. (Julia Roberts character and all the daughter both love and revile their mother ).

As systems resist change, it is even more difficult for members of the dysfunctional family to move to make changes when their parent needs care, like Meryl Streep does in August in Osage County. Julia Roberts and none of the daughters will care for their despised mother.

The nearly normal system is shaken to its core by the parent being dependent. However, a care manager can guide the family members into reorganizing their family roles when the parent can no longer act as head of the family, while acknowledging the shift and changes they need to make both emotionally and practically.

The members of the dysfunctional family who may have experienced a lack of nurturing by their parent and have no role model of caring. They are angry and resentful at caring for the parent, and thus will find it difficult to provide the practical and emotional care that their aging parent needs. The challenge to the adult child of the dysfunctional family is how to meet the dependency needs of the here and now old-old parent when the parent did not meet them dependency needs as a child. That is why they need a highly experienced Geriatric Care Manager who can work with dysfunctional aging families.

The challenge to the care manager is to bring the adult child of the dysfunctional family into the here and now and see their parents for who they are- an aging dependent person, flawed and imperfect, but a human being who needs their love, support and nurturing.

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Dysfunctional Family Holiday Mayhem – Mom Can’t 4 Manage the Ritual any Longer

December 4, 2020

What is the Normal Family vs Dysfunctional?

The normal family is the hand grenade compared to the nuclear bomb of the dysfunctional family. When both are faced with a filial crisis with an aging parent being dependent and the adult child needs to take over they cower or explode.

Dysfunctional families have many characteristics.

They lack the ability to resolve conflicts and have frequent psycho-social blockages that prevent the family from growing emotionally. They fail miserably at moving through all family stages and orchestrating family rituals.

Most life transitions in the family, like birth, adolescence, and marriage have been very difficult to make, marked by a lack of support from the parents. Every holiday might have been drunkenly ruined. The parental figures are usually not in charge, nurturing, or able to establish establishes clear rules. They have never created an excel spreadsheet on tasks to do to orchestrate a holiday. Like a disease spreading down generations, they never knew how themselves, as their parents wrecked the holidays too.

Bad or just NO Family Leader

There are murky roles for everyone in the dysfunctional family with the chief role of the parent characterized by a lack of leadership of the family and the ability to nurture the children. Mom rarely became the high priestess on Hanukkah or Christmas, the family members generally do not believe the parent is there for them and can be depended upon. The dysfunctional family is colored by bloody strained relationships and unresolved conflicts and drunken ruined Christmas memories

Dysfunction Families Inspiration For Great Literature

is the inspiration for great literature. O’Neil’s wrenching plays A Long Day’s Journey into Night” portrays the most miserable of dysfunctional families. Alcohol, secrets that have been kept by all for generations splatter the pages of this great play like it does in all the ruined holiday’s children of dysfunctional families recall with horror. Prince of Tides a tale of a southern dysfunctional family gives us timelier glimpses of a family whose center can never hold together and whose blood oozes all over everyone from one generation to the next. Award-winning plays and films, like Tracey Letts August in Osage County about a ruined ritual funeral from hell when Julia Roberts tries to beat up drug-addled, drunk presiding mother Meryl Streep.

Burnt Latkes or the Christmas cookies-inflame the family

When Mom does not make the very small things she was able to pull off like the latkes or the Christmas cookies- she always made every Hanukkah and Christmas, or burns them to a crisp- someone else has got to be the cook, and resentments skyrocket – tempers flare – and the torch just might never get passed.

Someone must take over the holiday rituals

The family is again thrown into crisis. That means someone must take over and the dysfunctional family has no model or spreadsheet to pull off the holidays while caring for a parent who did not care for them.

Trump’s COVID Mixed Messages Push-Up-Deaths So No CLear Path for AGING Families

September 6, 2020

The World Health Chief warned that in a Pandemic mixed messages coming from national leaders give their people no clear path to follow to keep themselves safe from COVID. This is esspecially true of aging family members who are trying to protect the most vulnerable to coronavirus- older people.

In US Federal Government and US Scientist Point to two Different to paths to” Safety”

In the US Federal officials, like the TRUMP administration offers a murky path to stay safe -while top scientists like the CDC and Dr. Fauci offer science-based recommendations. It is like a signpost is a tsunami zone with two different directions to higher ground. State governors who have been left in charge of protecting American citizens, rather than the federal governments and all have different messages. Some states are closed down, while others do not allow masks in spite of the massive spread of the virus. People do not know what to do, as the Feds, the states, the counties, and cities all have different guidelines and laws about how to stay protected from the worst pandemic since 1918.

President Woodrow Wilson Pointed the Wrong Direction is 1918 Pandemic

It is not new. President Wilson lied to the American public about the 1918 pandemic as he had declared war with Germany and wanted the US war machine to go full throttle. So soldiers in camps in the US died by the thousands and sailed to Europe spreading the 1918 plague, while Wilson never uttered a word, except to say it was like the common cold. He contracted COVID in France, trying to negotiate the Treaty of Versailles, subsequently had a stroke kept secret,(stroke being a side effect of COVID we now know ) and his wife effectively ran the county.

Science is being Maligned and Sidelined in COVID-19

What happens these when confusing messages are given by so many leaders who are not scientists but politicians with their own agenda? Scientists like Dr. Fauci are both maligned and sidelined. .The CDC once the most prestigious health agency in the world is forced to give false scientific information by the TRUMP administration.

One terrifying result is COVID cases are soaring in the US As of September 3, we had 6.1 M cases and 189 K deaths. Younger people and even older residents are celebrating summer and now Labor Day with no masks no social distancing as if there was no COVID. We now celebrate Labor day with people gathering with no masks, college opening with the spread of the virus, and children used as guinea pigs in some states mandated to return the schools that have no federal money to make their classrooms safe

Aging families, who want to keep their loved ones safe need aging professionals to offer clear paths to safety. Can you be that navigator to safety?

5 Steps to Successfully Market Your GCM COVID 19 Telehealth Coaching Service

If you have designed COVID -19 services yourself or attended my last webinar to learn how to coach COVID-19 services or coaching ( If you missed it click on this link to watch )

TAKE THE NEXT STEP MARKET

Learn to market COVID COACHING and sign up new clients for your Aging COVID-19 coaching services for, both long-distance and local- adult children, based on science step and sound public health policies. Help family care providers faced with a pandemic, support aging love ones through a COVID Hospitalization, and recovering at home.

FILL THE GAP LEFT BY FEDS.

Be able to sell care management COVID services that fill the gap created by the federal government, state, county, cities and CDC‘s mixed messaging has created, leaving family caregivers confused frustrated, with no clear path to safety from the raging pandemic,

Gain new customers and help aging families stay safe from COVID using care management’s most potent tool – navigation- through the potholed path to safety from the deadly coronavirus they have right now.

You will learn

How to create an e-newsletter with the right copy, to get out the word about your COVID 19 services

How to use social media to alert aging family caregivers to the clear path your GCM agency provides to safety from the accelerating virus in the US

Be able to set up a Zoom webinar to teach local aging agencies and caregivers about your COVID coaching services and other local resources to assist caregivers in the community

Get local media coverage of your COVID -19 Coaching Services with radio and TV coverage plus pick local newspapers where adds may pay off to sell your COVID Products

How to generate word of mouth customers for your COVID -19 service using your continuum of care in your community

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Trump’s Mixed Messages About COVID Increasing Deaths and leaving No straight Path for AGING Families

August 3, 2020

Mixed Messaging Lethal in a Pandemic

The Chief of the world Health Organization had warned that mixed messages coming from national leaders give their people no clear path to follow to keep themselves safe from COVID. This is especially true of aging family members who are trying to protect the most vulnerable to coronavirus- older people.

In US Federal Government and US Scientist Point to two Different to Safety

In the US Federal officials, like the TRUMP administration offers one path to stay safe -while top scientists like the CDC and Dr. Fauci offer another. It is like a signpost is a tsunami zone with two different directions to higher ground. State governors who have been left in charge of protecting American citizens, rather than the federal governments and all have different messages. Some states are closed down, while others do not allow masks in spite of the massive spread of the virus. People do not know what to do, as the Feds, the states, the counties, and cities all have different guidelines and laws about how to stay protected from the worst pandemic since 1918.

President Woodrow Wilson Pointed the Wrong Direction is 1918 Pandemic

Science is being Maligned and Sidelined in COVID-19

One terrifying result is COVID cases are soaring in the US As of September 3, we had 6.1 M cases and 189 K deaths. Younger people and even older residents are celebrating summer with no masks no social distancing as if there was no COVID. We now face Labor day with people gathering with no masks, college opening with the spread of the virus, and children used as guinea pigs in some states mandated to return the schools that have no federal money to make their classrooms safe

Aging families, who want to keep their loved ones safe need aging professionals to offer clear paths to safety. Can you be that navigator to safety?

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Why is Rachel Maddow Telling Aging Professionals About Nursing Homes Death Instead of the Feds????

April 27, 2020

Nursing Homes Turning into Death Camps

I have been learning that nursing homes are turning into death camps from Rachel Maddow not the federal government or aging community. I watch her every night as she is someone who reports the news fairly, focuses on facts and science,not what politicians and the president says. She reports what politicians actually do to avoid what the Trump camp calls fake news. This enrages me as why aren’t I hearing this from the aging community?

I learned that 17 dead bodies piled up in an NJ Nursing Home a week ago . Three days ago it was reported by the Kaiser Family Foundation that Nationwide, among the states reporting data, states indicate that cases have occurred at more than 4,000 facilities, and nearly 51,000 cases and over 10,000 deaths have been reported by in-long-term-care-facilities/

No Fed Requirements To Report Covid-19 Deaths

According to the Kaiser Foundation until recently, there was no federal requirement for nursing homes to report coronavirus outbreaks and COVID-19 deaths. This lead to an information gap for families, residents, and policymakers. After gutting the Obama regulations to improve care in nursing homes in 2017, On April 19, 2020,( many days after Rachel Maddow and the NY Times were reporting the horror(,CMS released guidance that would require nursing homes to report cases of coronavirus directly to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC).This move is totally hypocritical after Trump is the one who caused the horror by slashing regs that would have prevented deaths. This new data is not yet available, but there are a number of states that are already reporting data on long-term care facilities.

When I saw the carnage of nursing home deaths, yet SNF’s asking feds for immunity I was even further outraged.

We Need Inquiry Into Federal Response

I blogged about the root of this problem a week ago We need an inquiry but more than that we need a federal response, which there is none and national coverage which is just starting to occur after the most vulnerable on the planet were locked up in buildings where no one could visit, filled with the people with the highest risk, and staff going from facility to facility as they need three jobs to keep them afloat and spreading the virus then becoming ill themselves

TRUMP CUT BACKS IN NURSING HOME STAFFING INFECTION CONTROL

This lack of staffing and cut back in infection control federally mandated by the Trump government. Trump cut back regulation upgrades mandated by the Obama administration

The Obama administration effort, finalized in 2016, requiring all long-term care facilities to develop infection control and prevention plans to detect, report and contain communicable diseases.

It also covered telemedicine, so required publishing infection control rates weekly in Nursing homes that manage from 1.6 million to 3.8 million infections each year, according to the Centers for Medicare and Medicaid Services. A 2017 analysis by Kaiser Health News found that 74 percent of nursing homes have been cited for lapses in infection control — the most frequent type of health violation.

So, aging professionals, I am going to give you Rachel Maddow’s sage advice,

Sound the alarm- Aging Professionals

Read your local paper for nursing home problems in your area. Now they are only being reported cumulatively by the New York Times and major papers. Send letters to the editor. Write to your governor. Alert your Area Agency on Aging.

Call Your Local Nursing Homes

Call the nursing homes locally and ask what you can do. Besides setting off the alarm can you organize PPE by getting a local club or group of women who sew to help, Even kids have contributed like this child in Boston who sews masks.

Scream to the top of your lungs.

A holocaust is happening and the Trump administration is ignoring the carnage – Rage against the coming of the night for the older people we all love and have devoted our lives to helping.