10 Do’s &Don’ts Doing the Dysfunctional Family Calls Post Holidays

September 5, 2023

Most Calls for Care Managers Post Holidays

More than half of the aging families who call you inquiring about services will be dysfunctional families post-holidays. The great majority of calls will come from adult children. If you want to make the sale during the inquiry you have to know how to handle these dysfunctional family members on the phone and give them enough trust in you to sign your contract and give you a deposit for your services.

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How Do You Get Them To Trust You Enough to Sign Contract with Dysfunctional family Post holidays?

Do Be Objective
Do Use Active Listening
Do Give them Hope you can solve their family problem
Do a two-part inquiry and have the problem defined in the first part done by a skilled administrative Assistant
Do study the problem before you do the second call and have exactly how you would solve the problem ready in a planned elevator speech
Do a complimentary 30-minute consultation
Do not give away the store but outline how you are an expert at solving the problems (moving, keeping at home, Alzheimer’s wandering and a bare outline of your solution
Do not criticize dysfunctional family post-holidays
Do not blame,
Do not take sides if several family members points of view and express them

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Dysfunctional Aging Family Adult Children Who Call You Where You Need Clinical Skills

August 22, 2023

3 Types of Dysfunctional Aging Family Children Calls

Where You Need Clinical Skills

# 1 Inquiry from a Narcissistic Adult Children

in Aging Dysfunctional Family

Dysfunctional adult children who inquire about your services can be a tough sell. First, let’s- consider The narcissistic adult child from an aging dysfunctional family who calls for help and has an “it’s all about me” attitude. The aging parent and or a midlife sibling could be narcissists. With aging parents, all siblings may have resented this self-absorption of their family their entire lives and have a love/hate relationship with older parents. Siblings, the other brothers, and sisters resent this, especially with parent care. The self-absorbed sibling either does not participate in solving sibling or aging family troubles but just makes them worse. They call after a disastrous holiday event like the coming Labor Day family gathering and you need clinical skills to work with them

#2 Inquiry from Devalued Child Entitled but Servile Adult.

Dysfunctional adult children who call you about your services can include devalued adult children from the aging dysfunctional family calls you, you need clinical skills to work with them.

As a kid, the adult child of a narcissistic parent was devalued in the parent’s eyes so that the now aging parent can feel superior and powerful in the world. These children mature into adults who are emotionally impoverished, inflexible, and needy.

As a geriatric care manager, the adult child presents as entitled. As clients, these adult children fear that unless they make inflexible demands, they will receive nothing. “ Get my mother into a concierge wing of a hospital by tomorrow”

An adult child of a narcissistic aging parent will present as nasty, aggressive, and devaluing of the service provider. Or they could be essentially insatiable and easily injured by the helping professional. The adult children of narcissistic entitled families are also often angry and frustrated at having to give care to a parent or parents whom they experienced as ungiving, demanding, intrusive, overpowering, and needy. They are members of an ultra-dysfunctional aging family. They call after a visit to aging parents and you need clinical skills to work with them

# 3-Inquiry from Needy Adult Children in the Dysfunctional Aging Family

The adult child who calls may be the needy adult child. Baby boomers must evolve beyond the needy child he or she has been, depending on aging parents’ fiscal,

emotional, and social support, to the adult who supports his parent. Adult Children of aging parents in the 21st century not only confront the delay of their own needs when their parent’s aging and reliance call them but confront their own future and very much more immediate loss of the central figure in their lives, their own parents.

Some don’t- especially in the dysfunctional aging family.

These adults feel starved for parental affection they never received and often seek affection from professionals and other people in their lives to compensate for the care they didn’t receive as children. They call after the holiday and you need clinical skills to work with them.

These 3 types of adult children have clinical difficulties that are coping and defense mechanisms allowing them to adapt to a dysfunctional family. The care manager must enter the family system clinically to address the needs symptoms and defenses of the adult children to get care for the elder.

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4 Dysfunctional Family Markers Clinicians Face

August 2, 2023

The normal family is the hand grenade compared to the nuclear bomb of the dysfunctional family

When both are faced with a filial crisis of aging parents being dependent and the adult child needs to take over they cower or explode.

How Do You Know a Dysfunctional Family

1. They lack the ability to resolve conflicts

The dysfunctional family has frequent psycho-social blockages that prevent the family from growing emotionally. They fail miserably at moving through all family stages and orchestrating family rituals. The adult children both love and hate their parents

2. They Cannot make Life transitions

In each dysfunctional family most life transitions in the family, like birth, adolescence, and marriage have been very difficult to make, marked by a lack of support from the parents. Every holiday, family reunion, funeral any family gathering might be drunkenly ruined. The parental figures are usually not in charge, nurturing, or able to establish establishes clear rules. They have never created an Excel spreadsheet on tasks to do to orchestrate a holiday. Like a disease spreading down generations, they never knew how happily celebrate anything together, as their parents wrecked ritual occasions as well.

3. There are murky roles in the family

The chief role of the parent is characterized by a lack of leadership in the family and the ability to nurture the children. Mom rarely became the high priestess at the summer family reunion or the memorial day picnic when everyone gathers at her house or any family ritual gathering. The family members generally do not believe the parent is there for them and can be depended upon. The concierge’s dysfunctional family is colored by bloody strained relationships and unresolved conflicts and ruined ritual memories.

4. They inspire great literature

The family is the inspiration for great literature. O’Neil’s wrenching play A Long Day’s Journey into Night” portray the most miserable of dysfunctional families. Alcohol, drugs, and secrets that have been kept by all for generations splatter the pages of this great play mirroring all the ruined family ritual celebrations -children of dysfunctional families recall with horror. Award-winning plays and films, like Tracey Letts August in Osage County about a ruined ritual funeral from hell when Julia Roberts tries to beat up drug-addled, drunk presiding mother Meryl Streep, or Succession Where a Narcissistic Dad pits his adult children against each other to succeed him when he dies

Rituals Bring Out the Worst in Family

In a dysfunctional family when an aging Mom does not make the very small things she was able to pull off like the Latkes or the Christmas cookies, the Memorial Day family Reunion or big things like the daughter’s wedding, someone has got to take over or be and family organize or r the successor to Mom, and resentments skyrocket – tempers flare – and the torch just might never get passed.

The family is again thrown into crisis.

That means someone in the tribe has to take over -yet the dysfunctional family has no model or spreadsheet for any transition in power. They cannot pull off any ritual celebrations or even family Taco Tuesdays. Most critically when the rudderless head of the family needs care, these adult children cannot care for a parent who did not care for them. Succession is about the transition of power in the family.

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Understand the Dysfunctional Aging Family System you must enter to get care for elders

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Learn more about how to work with the dysfunctional family in Handbook of Geriatric Care Management 5th edition

When Aging Dysfunctional Family Calls Spot Them

July 25, 2023

More than half of the aging families who call you inquiring about services will be aging dysfunctional families. The great majority of calls will come from adult children. When the aging dysfunctional family call -to make the sale during the inquiry you have to know how to handle these dysfunctional family members on the phone and give them enough trust to sign your contract and give you a deposit for your services.

When Aging Dysfunctional family calls Make the Sale

So when aging dysfunctional families call inquiring about your services you must identify them at the beginning of the inquiry call.

Some Signs to look for When They describe the problem

History of Divorce or cut off
Stepsiblings
Blaming the aging parent or siblings
Old conflicts with the parent or siblings
Unable to agree or work with other family members

If an aging dysfunctional family calls inquiring about your geriatric care management services, do not disagree with them or say anything that they may read as critical. They are ultra-sensitive to criticism, may become defensive, and are easily disappointed. Be objective and calm if they have intense emotional reactions.

When aging dysfunctional family calls, give them hope that you can solve the problems with their parent but do not promise anything you cannot deliver. You risk never getting the case.

So listen carefully when an aging dysfunctional family call you for help and really understand the guidelines for these families before you ask for the sale over the phone.

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Give frantic adult children hope when they desperately Call
aging dysfunctional family calls

Understand the Dysfunctional Aging Family System you must enter to get care for elders!
Understand 11 Warning Signs You Are Working with Dysfunctional Family
Master 10 Clinical Tools Professionals must learn before they work with these difficult Families
Learn how to solve dysfunctional family problems after you master these tools
Get care for aging family members when the dysfunctional family members resist.
Learn how to work with aging parents like Rupert Murdock & Logan Roy

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Help Adult Siblings- Hold a Family Meeting

June 13, 2023

HELP Siblings in Dysfunctional Families

To help adult siblings in dysfunctional families change and work towards filial maturity the geriatric care manager must move on all fronts. A family meeting is one of a care manager’s best tools.

Research shows that siblings constructing care decisions as a group make decisions that better respect their parent’s autonomy than a single sibling making decisions alone. Group decisions offer checks and balances together to ensure the parent’s view is respected. Besides adult siblings, it is probably true for all family members. By including the family, whoever that may be (partners, siblings, friends, spouses, or ex-spouses), as a group, the care manager will be able better able to advocate for the older client because those group checks and balances are present.

Help Siblings- Set Up Family Meetings

So, when a critical decision needs to be made about an old person, a family meeting is a choice that a geriatric care manager should consider. This decision might be moving a client to a higher level of care or replacing a caregiving system, especially one family member replacing another.

Family meetings are generally beneficial for planning interventions and set goals. Achieving either of these is supremely difficult in a dysfunctional family.

An aging life or geriatric care manager must have at least 5 years of experience, a background in family dynamics, and be certified. by a certification body like NACCM If not, turn this over to an elder mediator.

Find Out How To Facilitate a Family Meeting

Find out more about how to run a family meeting and intervention with dysfunctional families in my book Handbook of Geriatric Care Management, 4^th edition

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