adult children of borderline narcissistic VIP families Archives ⋆ Cathy Cress

Warning Signs of Aging Dysfunctional Family – Contentiouness, Anger, and Cut Off

Do you know the 10 clinical manifestations that you are working with the dysfunctional family, the most challenging job of an aging professional. What you have to know is family system theory and be clinically skilled in entering this treacherous family system – to get care for an older person

1. Contentiousness – Old fights erupt; the siblings and parent get into arguments with one another about an old issue

2. Anger – Siblings and family members express physical anger, emotional abuse, financial abuse

3. Distancing & cut off – Some siblings or parents have nothing to do with family and may not speak to parents or siblings for long periods of time.

Warning Signs of Aging Dysfunctional Family – Fusion, Denial, Triangulation, Entitlement

4. Fusion – Siblings and family members, such as the mother and eldest daughter, blend into one another, For example, the daughter’s sounds, acts, and has the same prejudices as the mother. . Think of the media’s portrayal of Lindsay Lohan and her mother.

5. Denial – Adult siblings do not see a decline in a parent, do not face reality, and do not take care of the parent if he or she needs care.

6. Triangulation – Tension between two family members or siblings causes one to enlist a third family member or sibling to avoid change For example, two adult sibling object to the cost of care of an aging parent. They gang up on the third adult sibling who thinks the cost of care is reasonable and justified.

7. Sense of Entitlement – Siblings who are accustomed to purchasing services they need not personally solving their own, children’s sibling or parents’ problems. This lack of engagement leaves them, unprepared and unwilling in getting involved in solving family tribulations.

Warning Signs of Aging Dysfunctional Family – Narcissism, Needy Adult Siblings, Substance Abuse and Cut Off

8. Narcissism – One or more siblings has an “it’s all about me” attitude and

other siblings resent this. The self-absorbed sibling either does not participate

9. Needy Adult Siblings – These adult siblings feel starved for affection and often seek affection from professionals and other people in their lives for compensation for the care they didn’t receive as children.

10 . Substance and Other Abuse – The family and siblings have a history of drug, alcohol, and/or child abuse.

If this fits you you and your aging parent needs care may need to contact a geriatric care manager.

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Four types of aging families, who can afford geriatric care management and private duty home care as they have the financial resources, will call you to inquire about your services. You need to have excellent clinical skills to manage these families.

Two are dysfunctional aging families who take extensive psychodynamic skills. One is the narcissistic entitled family.

Part of this is drawn from Claudia Fine formerly of Senior Bridge and Nick Newcombe excellent chapter ” Entitlement in the Aging Family”, Care Managers Working With the Aging Family, Jones, and Bartlett)

Narcissistic-Entitled Families:

Entitlement in these families usually develop from a specific kind of “not good enough parenting” in which the parents themselves have struggled with personality disorders. Typically, in this type of family, narcissistic borderline personality .( example President Trump)the parent had a borderline personality that went undiagnosed or was formally diagnosed and untreated. The narcissistic or borderline parent essentially does not experience the child/children as separate and discreet from themselves and, moreover, uses the child/children to serve parental needs. This parent-child relationship is characterized by severe boundary issues in which seduction and abandonment are ever-present dynamics and where emotional unpredictability and instability are constant.

What Will Take Your Great Clinical Skills With These Families?

Fine and Newcombe point out the adult child finds him or herself in is either of two categories. They can be elevated to the” perfect” child in the mental health challenged mother or father’s eyes, so that the parent feels worthwhile.
These children grow up to be your client’s family and the person who usually calls the care manager. If they hire you they are demanding because they are afraid if they are not inflexible with you they will get nothing from your services.
Or the second category where the child is devalued by the parent so that the narcissistic entitled mother or father feels superior ” perfect” and all-powerful. They will present, according, to Claudia Fine and Nick Newcombe, as needy and insatiable, and easily ” injured” by the care manager who is attempting to help them.

Both types of adult children who interact with you are frequently angry to care for the parent who never cared for them, gave little to them as a child, thus demanding and needy themselves. All this repulsion comes from never having a mother or dad who was there for them so in response will be difficult family caregivers to work with.

( Fine and Newcombe- Entitlement in the Aging Family, Care Managers Working With the Aging Family)

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