How Do you Find Filial Maturity with VA Family?

Seeing our aging parents in the here and now is very hard .We often call this filial maturity . For the nearly normal aging family this is hard to achieve. But the dysfunctional family, which so many families of WWII, VIETNAM, Iraq, Afghanistan and Gulf War are, finding this state is nearly impossible

A filial crisis arises when the parent in a” nearly normal aging family “is no longer the rock of support for the family and may now need to lean on others for support and comfort. In a healthy family system, which many VA families are, the adult child is able to achieve filial maturity, which is a state of emotional readiness to relinquish earlier roles as the needy youngster and to begin to support and provide care for the older adult without infantilizing the older adult.

In a dysfunctional family where the parent was no rock and so many VA families face this after PTSD , accepting their parents in the here and now and  then being able to care for them is a great emotional challenge.

Successfully accomplishing the filial task entails a new understanding and a different kind of love for the aging parent by the adult child.

Part of the barrier to care of an aging parent here is the adult child’s resolution of the filial crisis sets the stage for the adult child to confront and eventually meet the challenges of his or her own aging process and mortality.

In the 4^th edition of Handbook of Geriatric Care Management we will have a new chapter about the VA, Dysfunctional Families and Nearly Normal Families and how to help them through the filial crisis.