Fourth Sign Of Dysfunctional Aging Family- Fusion and Triangulation in Aging Family

The fourth red flag or warning sign that you are working with an aging dysfunctional family is seeing fusion and triangulation –

Fusion is blending one person into another. The geriatric care manager or aging professional may find that some family members take on the personality of another family member. This is called fusion.

This results in a family member being unable to tell apart his feelings and reactions from that of another .An example would be eldest daughter reacting exactly like the older mother does.  The geriatric care manager’s or aging professional’s challenge would be to help her differentiate from her parent and find her own voice. This is often a complicated and an ongoing process. An example from popular culture is Lindsay Lohan and her mother

When stressed families can form deadly alliances, such as two family members joining sides against another family member. This process is called triangulation.

Triangulation amplifies the problem of getting family members to focus on changes they must make when they are fixed like cement in their opposing stances about an aging parent’s care.

For example, two adult children align in wanting to place Mom is a nursing home because they do not want to pay for 24-hour care at home. They then pit themselves against the third child that wants to keep Mom at home, and is willing to spend the money. Seeing this you have a red flag that this is a dysfunctional aging family.