Dysfunctional or Nearly Normal Family- Know Before A Parent Moves in

The type of family that should consider moving a parent into their home is a nearly normal family. So if you are an adult child considering g having your parent move in, reconsider if you have a dysfunction aging family. If you involve geriatric care manager they can assess this and will advise against the move.

What is the nearly normal family? They are close-knit, well integrated, highly functioning, and resilient, communicate well enough with they that they can make wise can wise decision s about complex problem and accept differences about complex problems. They accept differences of opinion as inevitable and a normal part of decision-making 

They lock arms to address the problems they encounter. But the nearly normal family is thrown of balance by the parents having an aging crisis. Moving into an adult child’s home reflects an aging crisis, which may be financial, health related, or psychosocial issues with the parent, the always-titular head of the family. The nearly normal family need help in navigating through this particular aging crisis but can right itself after the older parent makes the move or decides and safe course. Why? Because the are all the above and have historically been- close knit, well integrates, communicate well, see disagreements as normal.

 The dysfunctional family fights over everything, especially money and inheritance, which will be an issue in moving an elder to an adult child’s home.  They blame each other rather than lock arms in a crisis, they are highly conflictive, fragmented, fragile, rigid and bottom line unproductive. You risk as an adult child never getting them to agree to have Dad move in with you and if you do, your dysfunctional relatives with create a rickety, rolling nest for Dad and your own family, probably the same unsecured nest you all came from as children. Dana Curtis JD has an excellent example of a dysfunctional Family in her erudite chapter mediation with aging families in the Handbook of Geriatric Care management 3^rdedition . The Sniper family kidnaps and rekidnaps Dad, after he moves in with his son, commit  financial abuse, gets APS involved ,end up in mediation and ultimately make a horrible move for Dad. 

So please consider the type of family you have before you consider moving an aging parent in your home