Cathy Cress

Expert in Aging Life and Geriatric Care Management

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Dysfunctional Family Holiday Mayhem – Mom Can’t 4 Manage the Ritual any Longer

December 4, 2020

What is the Normal Family vs Dysfunctional?

The normal family is the hand grenade compared to the nuclear bomb of the dysfunctional family. When both are faced with a filial crisis with an aging parent being dependent and the adult child needs to take over they cower or explode.

Dysfunctional families have many characteristics.

They lack the ability to resolve conflicts and have frequent psycho-social blockages that prevent the family from growing emotionally. They fail miserably at moving through all family stages and orchestrating family rituals.

Most life transitions in the family, like birth, adolescence, and marriage have been very difficult to make, marked by a lack of support from the parents. Every holiday might have been drunkenly ruined. The parental figures are usually not in charge, nurturing, or able to establish establishes clear rules. They have never created an excel spreadsheet on tasks to do to orchestrate a holiday. Like a disease spreading down generations, they never knew how themselves, as their parents wrecked the holidays too.

Bad or just NO Family Leader

There are murky roles for everyone in the dysfunctional family with the chief role of the parent characterized by a lack of leadership of the family and the ability to nurture the children. Mom rarely became the high priestess on Hanukkah or Christmas, the family members generally do not believe the parent is there for them and can be depended upon. The dysfunctional family is colored by bloody strained relationships and unresolved conflicts and drunken ruined Christmas memories

Dysfunction Families Inspiration For Great Literature

is the inspiration for great literature. O’Neil’s wrenching plays A Long Day’s Journey into Night”  ed6855aa32d877d7fc1ef9ee757e0f17-98.jpgportrays the most miserable of dysfunctional families. Alcohol, secrets that have been kept by all for generations splatter the pages of this great play like it does in all the ruined holiday’s children of dysfunctional families recall with horror.  Prince of Tides a tale of a southern dysfunctional family gives us timelier glimpses of a family whose center can never hold together and whose blood oozes all over everyone from one generation to the next. Award-winning plays and films, like Tracey Letts August in Osage County about a ruined ritual funeral from hell when Julia Roberts tries to beat up drug-addled, drunk presiding mother Meryl Streep.

Burnt Latkes or the Christmas cookies-inflame the family

When Mom does not make the very small things she was able to pull off like the latkes or the Christmas cookies-  she always made every Hanukkah and Christmas, or burns them to a crisp- someone else has got to be the cook, and resentments skyrocket – tempers flare – and the torch just might never get passed.

Someone must take over the holiday rituals

The family is again thrown into crisis. That means someone must take over and the dysfunctional family has no model or spreadsheet to pull off the holidays while caring for a parent who did not care for them.

 

 

 

 

Filed Under: Aging, Aging Life Care, Blog, Dementia & Holidays, Dysfunctional Aging Familu, Dysfunctional aging family, Dysfunctional Family & Holidays, elder abuse, estranged siblings, Families, Filial Crisis, Geriatric Care Management Business, Geriatric Care Manager, geriatric social worker, Holiday Meltdown in Aging Family, Holiday Rituals in Aging Family, Holiday Sibling Rivalry, Nearly Normal Aging Family, nurse advocate, nurse care manager, parent care, Sibling Strife Holidays, Spoiled Holiday Rituals Tagged With: aging dysfunctional family, aging life and geriatric care management, aging life care manager, aging parent care, aging parent crisis, alzheimers & holidays, care manager, case manager, dysfunctional family on the holiday, geriatric care manager, Holiday Meltdown in Aging Family, Holidays Crisis in aging family, holidays rituals, Long Days Journey Into Night, nurse care manager

FREE WEBINAR-LEARN TO MARKET LIKE YOUR BUSINESS DEPENDED ON IT

October 14, 2020

LEARN TO MARKET LIKE YOUR BUSINESS DEPENDED ON IT

OCTOBER 22 @ 2:00 pm – 3:30 pm PST

The busiest season for care managers is now November- February when adult children have just visited for the holiday and seeing their elderly parents skating on very thin aging ice call a care manager

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The busiest season for care managers is now November- February when adult children have just visited for the holiday and seeing their elderly parents skating on very thin aging ice call a care manager

 

 

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Filed Under: aging family crisis, aging life business, Aging Life Care Assocaition, Aging therapist, Blog, COVID & HOLIDAY SEASON, Covid 19 Webinar, COVID Webinar, COVID-19 & Care Management, Covid-19 and GCM SERVICES, COVID-19 Webinar, Marketing plan, Marketing Plan for COVID, marketing to the top 10$, parent care, POST HOLIDAY CALLS, POST HOLIDAY SEASON, postioning, Public Relations, Webinar, Webinar ALCA GCM Tagged With: aging family, aging life care manager, aging life marketing copy, aging parent care, aging parent crisis, care manager, covid -19 geriatric care manager, COVID & Christmas, COVID & Holidays, COVID ALCA Marketing, Free webinar marketing, geriatric care manager, Marketing, marketing geriatric care management, nurse advocate, nurse care manager

Save Post Our Office -Shut Down is Devastating Threat to Elders

August 18, 2020

The Slowdown by the US Postal Service is Calamitous to Older Americans

They grew up with the mail reaching Americans regardless of their political party. Older people knew it as the beloved circulatory system of their communication and now much more that. For them, it was “enshrined in the Constitution.”  Article 1, Section 8 says: … The U.S. Constitution, in 1789, authorized Congress to establish “Post Offices and post Roads”, because they grew up taking civics, which was zeroed out of the national curriculum to our peril.

 In an NPR interview, a postal carrier states “I mean, for goodness sake, I think the Grand Canyon, we reach people via donkey”.

 Now every American and the elderly seem to be getting their mail by donkey

This slow down to mail is a crisis for seniors. It is about “not getting” the ” Much more than that” I talked about. Older people depend on the timely mail delivery of everything from prescription medications to Social Security checks, to Va checks and free VA meds sent in the mail. The Postal Service says it’s also the leading delivery service for online purchases. They vote online as they do not want to risk getting coronavirus in the crowded precincts or stand in long lines in the November cold. So elders use the PO to get groceries, emergency supplies, pay their bills by mail, get VA Checks, and send the precious cards from their grandchildren.

Shelter in Place Takes meds on-line delivered by PO

During COVID -19, elders medications not arriving on time in the mail becomes critical to their health. Seniors are supposed to shelter in place, so online delivery by the PO gets them the medications they need, delivered to their home. They are told not to go to the pharmacy and risk infections. A whopping 20 percent of adults over 40 who take medication for a chronic condition get those pills by mail order, according to a survey by the National Community Pharmacists Association.

Wildfire Tornados, Hurricanes, and COVID The Trifecta of death this Summer

On top of this, we are in the spine-chilling season of weather emergencies. The West just started the brutal wildfire season where California is now having wildfire tornados. Deep in the hurricane season this month, when climate change has doubled our chance of these fearsome storms the East coast is threatened daily by these mammoth storms actually 2 right now.  In an escalating COVID-19 calamity where elders are the most at risk for death, they are faced with mind-bending double disaster threats.

The CDC is telling seniors to shelter in place

and get their meds and emergency supplies on line in their warning” Give yourself more time than usual to prepare your emergency food, water, and medicine and medical supplies. Home delivery is the safest choice for buying disaster supplies;” But the mail slowdown and nasty weather have colluded to stop this lifeline. So deliveries are not the safest choice if they do not get there before the disaster. Seniors cannot always go to shelter because people are less than 6 ft apart, so older people are going to die at home or end up in the COVID infected hospitals in November Twindemics without all the medication they need. They will die needlessly if their write-in ballot never shows up or they are reduced to standing in freezing lines at the polls.

PO Destroying Huge Machines That Sort the Mail to Slow it

That lifeline is being cut by the head of the Postal Service the US postal service, laying off workers, 33 top supervisors, taking mailboxes off the street dragging off out over 50 huge bar code sorters worth millions and destroying them wrecking the very equipment that makes the mail go fast—–make all those critical ways to destroy the PO- a beloved circulatory system in our country.

Call Your Local Congressman or Woman

If you work with seniors, have them in your family or care for them to do this to help. Call your representative in Congress and tell them you want them to save the Post Office. They want to get re-elected and if enough constituents tell them that this is a critical issue – they act. You might not have had civics but this is how government works, according to Supreme Court Justice Sandra Day O’Connor. Do not allow our post office our elders our American to dissolve and die. Rage Rage at the Coming of the Night.

Filed Under: Blog, Contact Your Congressman, coronavirus, Coronavirus emergency plan, Coronavirus safety elders, coronavirus shut down, CORONAVIRUS Stay at Home Plan, COVID-19 & Wildfire, COVID-19 &Shelter in Place Plan, COVID-19 Plus Hurricane, GCM Disaster Plan, Hurricane and Covid, nurse advocate, On-line Delivery for Meds, On-line delivery for Pandemic, Pandemic, parent care, Post Office shut Down, Retired Veterans, USPO Destroyed, Wildfire Tornados Tagged With: aging life care manager, aging parent crisis, Call Your Congressman, geriatric care manager, global warming, Hurricane Season, nurse advocate, nurse care manager, On line deliveries, On-line Delivery of meds, On-line Voting &PO, Seniors Shetering in Place, slow mail delivery, USPO destroyed, Wildfire Tornados

The 2 Deadliest US Sites of COVID-19 Nursing Homes & Prisons

May 2, 2020

PRISON INMATES AND NURSING HOME PATIENTS NOT  6FT APART – 6 FEET UNDER

70% of inmates in federal prisons have COVID-19.  In Kansas, the Lansing Correctional Facility had a riot of inmates over COVID-19 lack of care or protection  It took the rebellion to get the coronavirus testing PPE and care. The  Bureau of Prisons in Kansas confirmed finally that 79 staff have coronavirus and 88 prisons and prisoners dead.   

Older residents in nursing homes cannot rebel like prisoners. Many can’t even walk. The Atlantic Magazine just published an article, We are Killing Elders Now. The writer states “In at least six states, these fatalities account for half of all COVID-19 deaths, and according to the World Health Organization, half of all coronavirus fatalities in Europe have been traced to nursing homes too. Some of this mortality is linked to long-term-care facilities that are shoddily run or that violate health standards. But most of them are doing the best they can with what they have. And they don’t have much”.

KAISER FOUNDATION NURSING HOME STAFFING AND USE OF PPE NOT REQUIRED IN MOST STATES

Kaiser reports -Staff Screening. It is more common for states to recommend rather than require daily screening of staff for illness in NFs (24 states recommend, 16 states + DC require)

Use of PPE. More states recommend (23 states) than require (7 states + DC) staff to use PPE

 Two States that require testing for coronavirus of ALL  residents of nursing homes are  Maryland where 556 have died as of the Washington Post article. and Tennessee 

THE FEDS HAVE NO CMS FEDERAL GUIDELINES OR REPORTING

We have no federal guidelines for safety testing according to an article by the Kaiser Foundation

It is now estimated that 16,000 deaths have occurred in nursing homes and that is without the federal government revealing any numbers and not making available any testing. But the numbers are probably huge- if we could just do testing. 

CMS announced it would have a meeting of a “panel” of experts “ sometime at the end of May”. After probably 20,000 older people died and the feds did nothing this shows their sense of urgency about this pandemic’s national “elder cleansing”.

WHAT CONNECTS PRISONS AND NURSING HOMES – CONCENTRATION CAMPS

So, what is the connection between the viral spread of COVID-19 in nursing homes and prisons- 6 feet ? Prisoners and residents, in nursing homes, and prisons cannot social distance. Jails and prisons have human beings crammed together with no choice. Nursing homes have 2 beds or if you are on Medicaid three to a room. Neither group has a choice to social distance. They are ” concentrated” as in concentration camps or death camps.

Do SOMETHING – HELP NURSING HOMES PREVENT MORE CARNAGE

So, as someone who has spent her career in aging, I am calling out to everyone, especially professional in aging – do something. Since the feds appear to be doing little- call your congressman, write a letter to the editor.

BE KIND LIKE RACHEL MADDOW REPORTS LA JEWISH HOME LA WAS

Rachel Maddow suggests calling your local nursing homes and see what they need. Be kind like the LA Jewish Home was to a smaller nursing home LA Brier Oaks. They wanted to test their residents and had no tests and the larger LA Jewish Home had tests and shared them with the smaller as a good neighbor. What they found was ravaging but it also showed caring and generosity. Care and be generous and show the helpless elders in nursing homes in your town you are opposed to -nursing home being prisons or concentration camps.

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Can Retirees Who Worked Hard All Their Lives Afford Long Term Care?

March 15, 2020

NEW TYPE OF FAMILY THAT CAN AFFORD LONG TERM CARE LIKE GERIATRIC CARE MANAGEMENTiStock_000063346301_Medium-1.jpg

Four types of aging families can afford geriatric care management, home care, and long term care, not covered by Medicare, because they have financial resources, usually over a million dollars in assets.

Two groups of these four do not have severe entitlement issues. One group is professionals, including physicians. attorneys, dentists. They are now retired but went to college when it was affordable and in some case free( in California in the ’50s). They came from  working-class families and climbed up through the American dream that once was available to all, joining professions that gave them the wealth to be in the top 10% of retirees today

Professionals- Physician, Attorneys, CPAs

This group made a very healthy living during the late 20th Century, probably had a

defined pension and have very lucrative investments that allow them to afford home care and care management. They usually come from nearly normal families and have been well parented although you will find a mixture of dysfunctional aging families. Their adult children tend to be supportive of their parents, although again you will find a mixture of dysfunctional families in this category. They are not among the two groups that are dysfunctional aging families who take extensive psychodynamic skills. One is the narcissistic entitled family.

THE ALCA TARGET MARKET THAT CAN AFFORD WHAT MEDICARE DOES NOT COVER- LONG TERM CARE

The target market for a private geriatric care management business is not the 65 million families who need care management services, but the much smaller subset of those families who can afford to hire a GCM or aging life care manager can pay the $4000-6000 a month for home care, uncovered by Medicare, and are willing to pay for the services that GCMs and can actually find their way to you. But they still demand gold standard service – not drivers chefs but expert professional assistance they gave to their own customers before they retired.

 

How Do you find these aging families to sign up new concierge clients?

Your marketing message must say your business:

  • offers seamless concierge solutions to the grueling aging care decisions families and clients must make.
  •  offers expert professional assistance, as they gave in their working life, with the tough choices aging family members must make about elder housing, medical care, personal care, finances, end of life and the myriad mind-boggling decisions they face.
  •  offers support to the aging client, as they did with their clients, and the whole aging family and can transform the family to get care for the client 
  • offers support and care  to the caregiver to keep them from burnout
  • offers the exact product they will need to solve their problem like dementia care, moving an elder, quality of life, VIP care, home from the hospital

Webinar-Sales and Marketing to Find the VIP Concierge Client

March 31, 2020 -2PM -3:30 PM PST

Concierge Clients are the only way a GCM or ALCA care manager can make a profit and have their business thrive. Find out who are they, how you find them, design GCM Products they will purchase, and create a marketing plan and gold standard services to have them sign your contract and use your services long term

Learn From an Expert

Who They Are- 4 Types

How to Locate them in your service area

How to create a strategic marketing plan to sell to them

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Filed Under: aging life business, Aging Life Care Assocaition, aging life care manager, Blog, Concierge aging clients, Concierge Client, Concierge Senior, Geriatric Care Management Business, Geriatric Care Manager, marketing to the top 10$, marketing to upper 10%, Medicare For All, normal aging famiilies, parent care, Private Duty Home Care, Professional class retirees, profit in ALCA, Selling ALCA Business, Selling GCM Business, Uncovered Long Term Care, Uncovered MedicareServices, VIP Syndrome Tagged With: aging family, aging life care manager, aging parent crisis, care manager, case manager, Concierge Care management, concierge marketing, Entitled aging client, Gold standard services, marketing geriatric care management, marketing home care, marketing to entitled adult children, Medicare for All, nurse advocate, nurse care manager, Private duty homecare, Uncovered Medicare Services

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