Cathy Cress

Expert in Aging Life and Geriatric Care Management

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How Storytelling at Thanksgiving Can Give Elders A Happier Family Holiday

November 22, 2022

Want to increase aging parents’ and everyone’s enjoyment at Thanksgiving? Try storytelling at Thanksgiving using elders’ memories.

As an aging professional, you can bring joy to an older person  through reminiscence, storytelling, and oral history for elders

This Thanksgiving, if you really do travel to a family home or grandma’s house, travel safely  If not make the safest choice, stay home and  use Zoom and include your elderly

 

parent. You can do oral history for elders if they can use a computer or have a family member or friend who visits often and who lives nearby and is in their bubble serve and share Thanksgiving dinner at their home and use zoom with them to see other family members on the holiday.

Share Your Thanksgiving Story

If you are at a family member’s holiday dinner and use reminiscence for elders by asking everyone to tell their favorite story about a Thanksgiving dinner. Start with midlife members to get the idea and then ask

 

again parents to share their stories.

Oral history for elders will bring extra thanks to Thanksgiving by learning about an elder’s past and giving them the opportunity to share, which sometimes they do not do in the hubbub of family talking.

  The “telling ” also means someone documents. That magically gives the elder and a child social interaction and connectedness. Elders vividly recall their past by telling stories from vignettes in their life – especially life in their 20’s, which sparks the richest recall called the “20’s bump”, according to researchers.

Elders sharing stories means passing on history.

So try storytelling at  Thanksgiving and it becomes intergenerational. The older person is given a chance to give the larger picture of their life and family history to children and grandchildren or extended family, who may not have heard all the details of their grandparent’s or parent’s life before. My 10 grandchildren have grown up with their now 80-year-old grandfather. telling them exciting stories of when he was a California Highway patrolman. So a dual dose of a higher quality of life for both the older person and the aging family is increased through oral history and reminiscence.

Capture Your Families Past Before It Is Gone

 

 Many midlife adults now do ancestry and regret that they did not ask questions of older family members when they were alive. Capture that past now on this family holiday. An aging professional or a geriatric care manager can suggest family or friends record the Thanksgiving story as oral history using technology like an i Phone or i Pad.

Story Telling at Thanksgiving  with Story Worth

Another great idea to capture reminiscence for elders is giving them StoryWorth. 

 

My daughter sent this gift to her Dad and both he and I love it. Each week  StoryWorth sends a question to my husband that prompts him to write about his past. He writes his reminiscence out longhand and I easily use the dictation on my phone and email his story to Story Worth.

At the end of the year, my daughter will order a bound book of all the stories- a whole collection of memories, an oral history of an elder father that she might never think to ask and will be saved for her and her children to pass on family history. I will order a copy for all her three siblings. Equally important, my husband, really enjoyed writing about his past and the prompts have brought many vivid memories back to him.

Sweet grandmother holding a beautifully cooked turkey dinner.

 

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The Holiday Season is Upon Us & Can Be Caregiver Hell

October 21, 2022

Adult children usually see their elderly parents soon on Christmas, Hanukkah, and Thanksgiving- all major holidays.

The Holiday Season is upon us. Thanksgiving, Hannukkah, and Christmas are all coming up when families gather around ritual gatherings. Adult children can notice their aging parents’ struggling with memory, and speech, and preparing those ritual meals. Then midlife siblings may be alarmed by any behaviors that threaten the normal order they always experienced.

When The Holiday Season is upon us ,the discussion will turn to aging parents. Thanksgiving usually involves alcohol. With a normal family, discussing this when alcohol is involved may or may not be a good idea. In an aging long-distance family, this would be the time to set up a family meeting via teleconference or Skype when everyone is sober. You could just ask everyone if would gather ideas and you can discuss it at that time.

With elderly parent’s decline- everyone’s independence is threatened and anger and frustration can be rampant.

If adult siblings did make a  visit to elderly parents before Thanksgiving, it could have been bitter or sweet or it was just plain scary. This is why it is best to set up a post-thanksgiving meeting with all the siblings to discuss care, not when people are drinking more than they should on Thanksgiving.

 

 Adult children may decide they must intercede or offer direct help, even if it is rejected. Then family members who do not live nearby become long-distance care providers, joining 7 million others in the US.

Offer to Facilitate a Telephonic Family Meeting After Thanksgiving

The frightening part often happens when you haven’t seen an aging Mom or Dad for a while. If midlife siblings live long distance, making an occasional visit can set off alarms, especially if they find aging Mom or Dad has gone downhill. If they call you, offer to facilitate the call using your family meeting facilitation skills, to create an agenda with the family, and keep everyone on the topic of parental care in the here and now, rather than fracturing into an argument about the past or old family wounds. With a care manager as a facilitator, they will find your value.

Get Ready for the Holiday Rush
    • SIGN UP FOR MY HOLIDAY WEBINAR –

      The Holiday Season is upon us

      Get Ready for the Holiday Rush

      WEDNESDAY, November 16th, 2022, FROM 2 PM – 3:30 PM PST

       Learn how to create!

      • Pre-Holiday Social media campaigns to reach worried caregivers
      • Pre- Holiday-Materials about the warning signs that a parent needs help
      • Pre-Holiday Marketing to help you sign up families who might face a serious decline in aging parents
      • How to sell services to desperate  post-holiday callers from Normal dysfunctional & long-distance family
      • How to use tools to contain holiday chaos & arrange care in festive family fright
      • How to move the family to New Year’s stability
      • Position Your Agency ahead of Care Managers who do not have great pre-holiday marketing campaigns and lack the clinical skills how to work with Adult Children and families during the chaotic aging family holiday visit when adult kids find their aging parents need care
      • Featuring

       Cathy Cress MSW author of the Handbook of Geriatric Care

      Management        

      The Holiday Season is upon us.

       Find out more about how an Aging Life or Geriatric Care Manager can help.

  • Subscribe to my YouTube channel, Geriatric Care Management, at www.youtube.com/channel/UCaoHdozwS0RvKD23YPpuHIw

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Filed Under: Aging, Aging Alcohol Abuse, Aging Life Care, Aging Life Care Assocaition, aging life care manager, Blog, Christmas webinar, Dysfunctional Aging Familu, elder care manager, Families, Filial Crisis, Geriatric Care Management Business, Geriatric Care Manager, geriatric social worker, Grandchild gifts for grandma, Hanukkah Webinar, Long Distance Care, Long Distance Care Holidays, Marketing aging life care, Marketing during Holidays, marketing pitch, Marketing Strategy, marketing to long distance adult children, Nearly Normal Aging Family, New Years, nurse advocate, nurse care manager, Thanksgiving with Dysfuntional Family, Webinar ALCA GCM, Webinar care managers, Webinar COVID Safety Tagged With: aging family, Aging Life, aging life and geraitric care manager, aging life care, aging life care manager, alcohol on the holidays, Black, black aging family, black american geriatric care managers, black american social workers, Black Entrepreneurs, Black geriatric care managers, Black Nurse Entrepreneurs, Black RN's, Black travel nurses, care manager, case manager, crisis with aging parents, drinking on labor day, geriatric care manager, holidays with aging parents, Holidays with midlife siblings, Nearly Normal family inquiry holidays, nurse care manager, Thanksgiving Webinar, Thanksgiving with aging parents, Thanksgiving with dysfunctional family, Thanksgiving with midlife siblings

New Years Resolutions To Help Aging Parents

December 30, 2021

New Year’s Resolutions List

Adult child worried about aging parents during holidays visit

 

 

 

Do you make New Year’s resolutions? Here are some RESOLUTIONS TO HELP AGING PARENTS.  It’s not “go on a diet,” because you ate some much holiday fare but what you should do after the holiday when you spotted red flags that made you worry about your aging mom or dad. Here is the entire list of New Year’s resolutions to help your aging parents you might make for January as an adult child worried about aging parents after the holiday visit.

Adult child worried about aging parents after holidays visit

 

 

 

 

RESOLUTIONS TO HELP AGING PARENTS

Adult Child Helping Senior aging mom with Finances

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

➢ Accompany the elderly person to the doctor, and talk to the doctor in person.

➢ Gather legal financial and insurance paperwork, and meet with professionals.
➢ Have all mail forwarded to yourself or another relative who will manage it
➢ Contact and meet with old and present friends.
➢ If your older family members are in a facility, make contact with staff that cares for them, and the ombudsman.
➢ Meet with your elderly relative’s support network.                   

➢ Meet with a geriatric care manager who can do all this for you
DO YOU THINK THIS RESOLUTION TO HELP AGING PARENTS IS TOO EXPENSIVE?

Care Manager helping an older person 

TEN REASONS YOU CAN AFFORD A GERIATRIC CARE MANAGER

The Top Ten Reasons Why You Can Afford A Geriatric Care Manager by Phyllis Brostoff

10. We can do in 2 hours what it would take you 2 weeks to do.

9. We know how to get around that “I’m saving for a rainy day” syndrome when your folks are drowning in their problems.

8. We’re much cheaper than the cost of plane fare if you have to fly into town when your parents say “everything is fine” but you know it isn’t.

7. We can give you the scoop on which nursing home is really right for your parents.

6. We can make your parents hear what you have said over and over again, but they refuse to listen to them, you are still a child.

5. We can tell you’re annoying siblings to shut up, but graciously.

4. We’ve helped hundreds of families a lot worse than yours.

3. Your dad can’t push our buttons.

2. Next time you want to hang up on your mother, you can tell her to call us.

1. We’re available 24/7, so you don’t have to be. Just find us here

If you are a care manager check out my latest  free webinar on clinical skills to solve aging family problems post-holidays 

Filed Under: Adult Child Alarm After Holidays, Adult Child Caregiver Pain, Adult Child Pain, Aging, Aging Life Care, Aging Life Care Assocaition, aging life care manager, Aging Parent Pain, Alarm Bells For Long Distance Family, Alarm Bells from Holiday visit, Black Aging Family, Black Entrepreneur, Black Entrepreneur RB, Black Entrepreneur RN, Black entrepreneurs, Black Geriatric Care Manager, Black geriatric care managers, Black RN, Black Travel Nurses, Families, Geriatric Care Management Business, Geriatric Care Manager, geriatric social worker, Holidays, HolidaySeason and COVID, New Year Resolutions, New Years, nurse advocate, nurse care manager Tagged With: aging life care on holidays, aging Mom on holidays, aging parent crisis on holiday, care management holiday, danger signs for holiday visit, geriatric care management, Handbook of Geraitric Care Management, Holiday Meltdown in Aging Family, Holiday Ruined by Aging Parent, holidays with aging parents, New Years, New Years need sor care manager, New Years resolutions for adult children, parent care crisis, Psychosocial assessment, red flags for a family meeting, Undue Influence, visit to doctor with elderly parents

The 2 Deadliest US Sites of COVID-19 Nursing Homes & Prisons

May 2, 2020

PRISON INMATES AND NURSING HOME PATIENTS NOT  6FT APART – 6 FEET UNDER

70% of inmates in federal prisons have COVID-19.  In Kansas, the Lansing Correctional Facility had a riot of inmates over COVID-19 lack of care or protection  It took the rebellion to get the coronavirus testing PPE and care. The  Bureau of Prisons in Kansas confirmed finally that 79 staff have coronavirus and 88 prisons and prisoners dead.   

Older residents in nursing homes cannot rebel like prisoners. Many can’t even walk. The Atlantic Magazine just published an article, We are Killing Elders Now. The writer states “In at least six states, these fatalities account for half of all COVID-19 deaths, and according to the World Health Organization, half of all coronavirus fatalities in Europe have been traced to nursing homes too. Some of this mortality is linked to long-term-care facilities that are shoddily run or that violate health standards. But most of them are doing the best they can with what they have. And they don’t have much”.

KAISER FOUNDATION NURSING HOME STAFFING AND USE OF PPE NOT REQUIRED IN MOST STATES

Kaiser reports -Staff Screening. It is more common for states to recommend rather than require daily screening of staff for illness in NFs (24 states recommend, 16 states + DC require)

Use of PPE. More states recommend (23 states) than require (7 states + DC) staff to use PPE

 Two States that require testing for coronavirus of ALL  residents of nursing homes are  Maryland where 556 have died as of the Washington Post article. and Tennessee 

THE FEDS HAVE NO CMS FEDERAL GUIDELINES OR REPORTING

We have no federal guidelines for safety testing according to an article by the Kaiser Foundation

It is now estimated that 16,000 deaths have occurred in nursing homes and that is without the federal government revealing any numbers and not making available any testing. But the numbers are probably huge- if we could just do testing. 

CMS announced it would have a meeting of a “panel” of experts “ sometime at the end of May”. After probably 20,000 older people died and the feds did nothing this shows their sense of urgency about this pandemic’s national “elder cleansing”.

WHAT CONNECTS PRISONS AND NURSING HOMES – CONCENTRATION CAMPS

So, what is the connection between the viral spread of COVID-19 in nursing homes and prisons- 6 feet ? Prisoners and residents, in nursing homes, and prisons cannot social distance. Jails and prisons have human beings crammed together with no choice. Nursing homes have 2 beds or if you are on Medicaid three to a room. Neither group has a choice to social distance. They are ” concentrated” as in concentration camps or death camps.

Do SOMETHING – HELP NURSING HOMES PREVENT MORE CARNAGE

So, as someone who has spent her career in aging, I am calling out to everyone, especially professional in aging – do something. Since the feds appear to be doing little- call your congressman, write a letter to the editor.

BE KIND LIKE RACHEL MADDOW REPORTS LA JEWISH HOME LA WAS

Rachel Maddow suggests calling your local nursing homes and see what they need. Be kind like the LA Jewish Home was to a smaller nursing home LA Brier Oaks. They wanted to test their residents and had no tests and the larger LA Jewish Home had tests and shared them with the smaller as a good neighbor. What they found was ravaging but it also showed caring and generosity. Care and be generous and show the helpless elders in nursing homes in your town you are opposed to -nursing home being prisons or concentration camps.

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Trouble on The Tracks -11 New Year Resolutions For Aging Parent Worries

December 27, 2019

Here are some suggestions that you might consider as New Years resolutions-  as we approach January.

You may have already vowed this and not followed through because it is uncomfortable or scary or too much to take on— but this is one that will help avoid disaster.

It’s not “go on a diet,” but what you should do after the holiday with
your parents if you spot red flags that made you concerned about your aging mom or dad. Here is a list of resolutions you might make for your next visit to your parents after the holiday gave you a reason to worry about an aging family member:

11 New Years Resolutions 4 post-holiday parent worries  

  •  Accompany the elderly person to the doctor, and talk to the doctor in person
  •  Gather legal financial and insurance paperwork,scan all, put originals in a safety deposit box and leave easily found  copies for your parents
  • Have all bills except magazines forwarded to yourself or another relative who will manage them
  • Contact and meet with old and present friends and form a network of support
  • Investigate quality of life local programs like a senior center, bridge group anything that would bring your parent joy and engagement
  • If your older family members are in a facility, make contact with staff that cares for them, and the ombudsman.
    Meet with your elderly relative’s present support network or set up a circle of care 
  • Look into Lyft or Uber’s senior driving program  or GoGO- Grandparent if seniors should or no longer wish to drive
  • Arrange a family meeting to see how adult children and friends can share tasks using Lots of Helping Hands
  • Look into Forgiveness techniques for adult siblings  if you have old wounds that may stop you from sharing care with adult brothers and sisters
  • Meet with an aging life or geriatric care manager in the area who can do all these tasks for you

Filed Under: Aging, aging life care manager, Blog, CIRCLE OF CARE, Families, Geriatric Care Management Business, Geriatric Care Manager, Long Distance Care, New Year Resolutions, New Years, parent care, POST HOLIDAY SEASON, Quality of Life, Quality of Life for elders Tagged With: aging life care manager, aging parent crisis, care manager, elder care manager, geriatric care manager, Go-Go Grandparent, Lyft for seniors, New Years resolutions for adult children, nurse care manager

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