Cathy Cress

Expert in Aging Life and Geriatric Care Management

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Adult Sibling Rivalry at Thanksgiving- Where To Get Help?

October 25, 2022

A sad woman crying as she prays.

Siblings are The Biggest Source Of Stress Between Human Beings

At family rituals, like Thanksgiving next month, adult siblings often are often brought back together. If you are one- will it be a happy feast or wrecked by holiday sibling rivalry??

 

Sibling Rivalry Can Give Acid Reflux to Grandma’s Thanksgiving Dinner

As Gail Sheehy said in her book, Passages in Caregiving, we think that siblings will automatically support each other when aging parents fall apart. Sheehy quotes sociologists, Karl Pillemer and J. Jill Suitor, on sibling rivalry, in a study they did conclude that siblings are inherent rivals and the biggest source of stress between human beings.

If you are a midlife sibling, perhaps you have a brother or sister to whom you hardly speak because of sibling rivalry. Maybe you are about to see your siblings at the coming Thanksgiving feast, even on zoom during COVID, and anticipate largely ignoring him or her or doing chitchat as you seethe the inside. If you fit this description of sibling rivalry, you are in the same lurching boat as uncounted baby boomer siblings all over the world.

 

Childhood Wound Ripped Open

That wound from childhood may still ache enough to keep you on the furrowed path your family followed when you were young. Now, however, you and your adult siblings, nearing or at retirement age, may need to come together again to be part of a niece or

adult siblings need to come together for aging parents

 

 

nephew’s wedding or christening, help plan a parent’s anniversary dinner, or, most important, oversee the increasing care of elderly family members.

Best Thanksgiving Sibling Rivalry Film

I suggest you watch Pieces of April, a fabulous Thanksgiving film ( lead 21-year-old Katy Holmes debuts in a standout performance) where the film’s dysfunctional family revolves around adult sibling rivalry. The film is also about interracial couples, and in the end, around a catastrophic illness of the aging parent, where the siblings need to resolve their differences. It also makes it a trifecta with dementia. The grandmother, who has dementia is taken out of her nursing home to join the dysfunctional Thanksgiving feast and offers surprising sanity to the sibling-rivalry drama.

If you recognize this problem in your own family, seek counseling before coming the holidays engulf you. Contact the Aging Life Care Association to find help before a parental crisis.

SIGN UP FOR MY HOLIDAY WEBINAR –

holiday sibling rivalry

Get Ready for the Holiday Rush

WEDNESDAY, November 16th, 2022, FROM 2 PM – 3:30 PM PST

 Learn how to create!

  • Pre-Holiday Social media campaigns to reach worried caregivers
  • Pre- Holiday-Materials about the warning signs that a parent needs help
  • Pre-Holiday Marketing to help you sign up families who might face a serious decline in aging parents
  • How to sell services to desperate post-holiday callers from Normal dysfunctional & long-distance family
  • How to use tools to contain holiday chaos & arrange care in festive family fright
  • How to move the family to New Year’s stability
  • Position Your Agency ahead of Care Managers who do not have great pre-holiday marketing campaigns and lack the clinical skills how to work with Adult Children and families during the chaotic aging family holiday visit when adult kids find their aging parents need care
  • Featuring

 Cathy Cress MSW author of the Handbook of Geriatric Care

Management        

 

  • Featuring Speaker

 Cathy Cress MSW author of the Handbook of Geriatric Care

Management        

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

THIS FREE WEBINAR IS Tuesday, November 16th, 2021, FROM 2 PM – 3:30 PM PST

Sign Up Now

Free Webinar

 

 

 

Find out more about dysfunctional families and sibling rivalry from My YouTube, Channel  

 

 

Filed Under: ADULT SIBling, Aging, Aging Life Care, aging life care manager, Aging therapist, ALCA Dysfuntional Family Help, Black Aging Family, Black Entrepreneur, Black Entrepreneur RB, Black Entrepreneur RN, Black entrepreneurs, Black Geriatric Care Manager, Black geriatric care managers, Black RN, Black Travel Nurses, Black Travel RN, Blog, Clinical Tools Dysfunctional family, Cut Off, Dysfunctional aging family, Dysfunctional Family & Holidays, Dysfunctional Family Inquiry, Dysfunctional Family System, Families, Filial Crisis, FREE WEBINAR, Geriatric Care Management Business, geriatric social worker, Holiday Meltdown in Aging Family, Holiday Sibling Rivalry, nurse care manager, SIBLING, sibling rivalry, sibling sharing care, Sibling Strife Christmas, Sibling Strife Holidays, Sibling Strife Thanksgiving, Social Media, Social Media for Care managers, Social Media Holidays, Thanksgiving, Thanksgiving & dysfunctional family, THANKSGIVING BLOG, Thanksgiving Parent crisis, Thanksgving visits during COVID, Therapist Specializing in Aging Tagged With: adult sibling, adult sibling conflict, adult sibling estrangement, aging life care on holidays, aging parent crisis on holiday, Aging siblings, Black, black aging family, black american geriatric care managers, black american social workers, Black Entrepreneurs, Black Nurse Entrepreneurs, care manager marketing, celebrations with siblings, cut-off sibling, Dydsfunctual Family Holiday, dysfunctual family, Dysfunctual siblings, Holiday Crisis For Aging Family, Holiday Marketing, Holiday marketing Plan, Holiday Rush, Holiday sibling rivalry, Holidays with midlife siblings, Home care marketing, irate siblings, Prepare for holiday rush, sibling conflict, sibling rivalry, siblings, Thansgiving sibling rivalry

The Holiday Season is Upon Us & Can Be Caregiver Hell

October 21, 2022

Adult children usually see their elderly parents soon on Christmas, Hanukkah, and Thanksgiving- all major holidays.

The Holiday Season is upon us. Thanksgiving, Hannukkah, and Christmas are all coming up when families gather around ritual gatherings. Adult children can notice their aging parents’ struggling with memory, and speech, and preparing those ritual meals. Then midlife siblings may be alarmed by any behaviors that threaten the normal order they always experienced.

When The Holiday Season is upon us ,the discussion will turn to aging parents. Thanksgiving usually involves alcohol. With a normal family, discussing this when alcohol is involved may or may not be a good idea. In an aging long-distance family, this would be the time to set up a family meeting via teleconference or Skype when everyone is sober. You could just ask everyone if would gather ideas and you can discuss it at that time.

With elderly parent’s decline- everyone’s independence is threatened and anger and frustration can be rampant.

If adult siblings did make a  visit to elderly parents before Thanksgiving, it could have been bitter or sweet or it was just plain scary. This is why it is best to set up a post-thanksgiving meeting with all the siblings to discuss care, not when people are drinking more than they should on Thanksgiving.

 

 Adult children may decide they must intercede or offer direct help, even if it is rejected. Then family members who do not live nearby become long-distance care providers, joining 7 million others in the US.

Offer to Facilitate a Telephonic Family Meeting After Thanksgiving

The frightening part often happens when you haven’t seen an aging Mom or Dad for a while. If midlife siblings live long distance, making an occasional visit can set off alarms, especially if they find aging Mom or Dad has gone downhill. If they call you, offer to facilitate the call using your family meeting facilitation skills, to create an agenda with the family, and keep everyone on the topic of parental care in the here and now, rather than fracturing into an argument about the past or old family wounds. With a care manager as a facilitator, they will find your value.

Get Ready for the Holiday Rush
    • SIGN UP FOR MY HOLIDAY WEBINAR –

      The Holiday Season is upon us

      Get Ready for the Holiday Rush

      WEDNESDAY, November 16th, 2022, FROM 2 PM – 3:30 PM PST

       Learn how to create!

      • Pre-Holiday Social media campaigns to reach worried caregivers
      • Pre- Holiday-Materials about the warning signs that a parent needs help
      • Pre-Holiday Marketing to help you sign up families who might face a serious decline in aging parents
      • How to sell services to desperate  post-holiday callers from Normal dysfunctional & long-distance family
      • How to use tools to contain holiday chaos & arrange care in festive family fright
      • How to move the family to New Year’s stability
      • Position Your Agency ahead of Care Managers who do not have great pre-holiday marketing campaigns and lack the clinical skills how to work with Adult Children and families during the chaotic aging family holiday visit when adult kids find their aging parents need care
      • Featuring

       Cathy Cress MSW author of the Handbook of Geriatric Care

      Management        

      The Holiday Season is upon us.

       Find out more about how an Aging Life or Geriatric Care Manager can help.

  • Subscribe to my YouTube channel, Geriatric Care Management, at www.youtube.com/channel/UCaoHdozwS0RvKD23YPpuHIw

  • Visit my website at cathycress.com/

  • Follow me on Twitter at twitter.com/cathyjocress

Filed Under: Aging, Aging Alcohol Abuse, Aging Life Care, Aging Life Care Assocaition, aging life care manager, Blog, Christmas webinar, Dysfunctional Aging Familu, elder care manager, Families, Filial Crisis, Geriatric Care Management Business, Geriatric Care Manager, geriatric social worker, Grandchild gifts for grandma, Hanukkah Webinar, Long Distance Care, Long Distance Care Holidays, Marketing aging life care, Marketing during Holidays, marketing pitch, Marketing Strategy, marketing to long distance adult children, Nearly Normal Aging Family, New Years, nurse advocate, nurse care manager, Thanksgiving with Dysfuntional Family, Webinar ALCA GCM, Webinar care managers, Webinar COVID Safety Tagged With: aging family, Aging Life, aging life and geraitric care manager, aging life care, aging life care manager, alcohol on the holidays, Black, black aging family, black american geriatric care managers, black american social workers, Black Entrepreneurs, Black geriatric care managers, Black Nurse Entrepreneurs, Black RN's, Black travel nurses, care manager, case manager, crisis with aging parents, drinking on labor day, geriatric care manager, holidays with aging parents, Holidays with midlife siblings, Nearly Normal family inquiry holidays, nurse care manager, Thanksgiving Webinar, Thanksgiving with aging parents, Thanksgiving with dysfunctional family, Thanksgiving with midlife siblings

Take This Test -Can You Take A Dysfunctional Family Case After the Holidays ?

December 20, 2021

Do You Have the Clinical Skills to Give Hope to  The  Dysfunctional  Family Calling Desperately On the Holidays –

What does it Take?

    1. Do you know the right caseload mix so you have the intense time to handle these very heavy care families?
    2. Do you have 5 years of geriatric care management practice, a master’s degree to understand and work with them??
    3. Do you have care managers who can work with these complex aging dysfunctional families?
    4. Do you have the business model to realign your caseload for many of these time-intensive cases?
    5. Do you know aging family dynamics or do you have a staff member who does
    6. Can you increase your staff to do this?
    7. Do You Know How to do a two call intake and complimentary consultation
    8. Do You know how to make the sale to dysfunctional aging clients
    9. Are you ready to be fired and have account receivable problems that come with these cases?
    10. Do you know how to answer the challenge the dysfunctional, needy demanding adult children face and the client’s needs at the same time?
    11. Do you know how to hold an impromptu family Dysfunctional meeting with adult children, over the hectic holiday to plan care for aging parents?
    12. Can you work with narcissistic entitled older clients who are very demanding
    13. Can you  emotionally handle the demeaning, blaming attitude of narcissistic old and new monied clients

      Sign Up for My Free January Webinar  

      11 Vital Clinical Tools For Desperate Families Post-Holidays

                   Thursday, Jan 6, 2022,02:00 PM Pacific Time (the US and Canada)

       

        Give frantic adult children hope when they desperately call after the holiday  

       Join me Post-holiday and learn how to come to clinically rescue concierge dysfunctional families who found coal in their stocking.      

      Learn how to!

      • Understand the Dysfunctional Aging Family System you must enter to get care for elders
      • Master 11Vital Clinical Tools you to solve client problems
      • Take Six Clinical Steps Professional Must Take to Work with These Difficult Families
      • Get care for aging family members when the dysfunctional family members resist

       SIGN UP NOW

       

       

      Find out more in the YouTube for My YouTube, Channel  Geriatric Care 1

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  3. Find out more in the YouTube for My YouTube, Channel  Geriatric Care 1

Filed Under: Aging, Aging Family, Aging Life Care, aging life care manager, Blog, care manager, case manager, Clinical Tools Dysfunctional families, Concierge Senior, Dysfunctional Aging Familu, Dysfunctional aging family, Dysfunctional Family & Holidays, elder care manager, estranged siblings, Families, Filial Crisis, FREE WEBINAR, Geriatric Care Management Business, geriatric care manager, Geriatric Care Manager, geriatric social worker, Holiday Meltdown in Aging Family, Holiday Rituals in Aging Family, Long Distance Care, Narcissistic Personality, nurse advocate, nurse care manager, Quality of Life for elders, sibling rivalry, Sibling Strife Christmas, Sibling Strife Holidays, Siblings, Spoiled Holiday Rituals, Therapist Specializing in Aging, Webinar Tagged With: aging dysfunctional family, aging family, aging life care manager, aging parent, aging parent care, care management, care manager, case manager, dysfunctional family, geriatric care manager, nurse care manager

What Happens When High Priestess of the Holidays Falls off her Throne?

December 13, 2021

 

Mothers are the high priestess of the ritual- like Queen Elizabeth without servants.

This sets up a filial crisis as women age. The UK estimated that there are 25 to-do’s women have on the holiday. It takes years to accumulate objects ritual dishes and religious objects used. It takes the left side of your brain executive skills, plans and organize, remember details, does things based on your experience. This eventually leads to a filial crisis and passing the torch.

Holidays are often done on autopilot

Women as they age –recalling all the jobs that must be done year after year get worn down in their assigned role as ” Mothers are the high priestess of the ritual.”

 It also takes their IADLs- (Instrumental Activities of Daily Living) meal planning, shopping, plus ambulation. Then add depression – widowhood, loss and you have the challenges of aging in managing these entire titanic rituals mothers are assigned by society.  Many times the aging Mom can no longer balance all these plates and the holidays shatter with the crashing ritual dishes.

When Mom Cannot do all the Holiday Preparation a Filial Crisis Occurs

 

Then the torch has to be passed and an adult child (usually an adult daughter must take over to resolve this filial crisis. This passing the torch is like secession, – Princess Elizabeth taking over for her Dad, King George, (who hated it and had a lifelong stutter) made famous in The King’s Speech who was handed the throne by his brother Edward who quit being king.   

WhenMom needs to Pass the Torch-Some  Baby Boomers Kids Shocked

Baby boomer-adult children and aging parents are unprepared by their own culture for this new developmental phase of passing the torch. They do not expect it as they did

the nights of the crying newborn or the rebellious teen, and are thrown off balance by the sometimes sudden and usually unexpected loss of their anchoring aging parents, when they find elderly mom is unable to pull off running the holidays  Indeed, what must happen in this new developmental phase is that the adult child must evolve beyond the needy child, he or she has been, depending on his or her parents for that fiscal, emotional, social support and ritual organizing parents, like managing the officiating over the Christmas or Hanukkah celebration and take on filial responsibility to avoid a filial crisis.

 Geriatric Care Manager to the Rescue

In the normal healthy family system this filial crisis of Holiday rituals can be overcome and the adult children with the brief help of an aging life or geriatric care manager they can let go of their former dependent roles and confront their parent’s loss by organizing and providing care. They can take over Christmas and Hanukkah by stepping in and grabbing that torch.

Geriatric care managers understand that the adult child must transition to what social work pioneer Margaret Blenkner labeled the filial crisis to filial maturity or a new mature state where they, as midlife adults, can give up their former roles as dependent, needy children and start to provide care to their old/old parents.

Dysfunctional Family Do Not Want to Take Over for Mom

In the dysfunctional aging family, this filial crisis is incredibly hard to trounce from both the parents’ and the adult child’s point of view. They really need a geriatric care manager’s services

Sign Up for My Free January Webinar  

11 Vital Clinical Tools For Desperate Families Post-Holidays

             Thursday, Jan 6, 2022, 02:00 PM Pacific Time (the US and Canada)

 

  Give frantic adult children hope when they desperately call after the holiday  

 Join me Post-holiday and learn how to come to clinically rescue concierge dysfunctional families who found coal in their stocking.      

Learn how to!

  • Understand the Dysfunctional Aging Family System you must enter to get care for elders
  • Master 11Vital Clinical Tools you to solve client problems
  • Take Six Clinical Steps Professional Must Take to Work with These Difficult Families
  • Get care for aging family members when the dysfunctional family members resist

 SIGN UP NOW 

  1.  

    Find out more in the YouTube for My YouTube, Channel  Geriatric Care 1

     

Filed Under: ADL Loss & Holidays, Aging Family, aging family crisis, aging life business, Aging Life Care, Aging Life Care Assocaition, aging life care manager, Aging Mother, Aging therapist, Alzheimers & Holidays, Blog, care manager, case manager, Dementia, Dementia & Holidays, Dysfunctional aging family, Dysfunctional Family & Holidays, elder care manager, Families, Filial Crisis, GCM Webinar, Geriatric Care Management Business, geriatric care management emergency proceduress, geriatric care manager, Geriatric Care Manager, geriatric social worker, Hanukkah, Holiday Meltdown in Aging Family, Holiday on call, Holiday Rituals in Aging Family, Holiday season, Holiday Sibling Rivalry, Holidays, Nearly Normal Aging Family, nurse advocate, nurse care manager, POST HOLIDAY CALLS, POST HOLIDAY SEASON, sibling rivalry, Sibling Strife Christmas Tagged With: aging life care on holidays, Aging Mom on Christmas, aging Mom on holidays, aging parent crisis, aging parent crisis on holiday, alzheimers & holidays, black aging family, black american geriatric care managers, black american social workers, Black caregivers, Black Entrepreneurs, Black Nurse Entrepreneurs, Black RN's, Black travel nurses, Dementia & Holiday Tasks, dysfunctional family holidays, Filial crisis on Christmas, Filial crisis on Hanahka, geriatric care manager. aging family crisis, Holiday Crisis For Aging Family, holiday misery, Working With Dysfunctional family

Sign Up for My Free January Webinar on Dysfunctional Aging Family

January 14, 2021

5 Vital Clinical Tools to Help Aging Dysfunctional Families-Post Horrid Holidays- 

  Thursday, January 21, 2021

              2:00 3:20 Pacific Standard Time

  Give frantic adult children hope when they desperately call after the holiday

 Join me and learn how to come to the rescue of concierge dysfunctional families who found only coal in their stocking.

Learn how to!

  • Understand the Dysfunctional Aging Family System you must enter to get care for elders
  • Understand 11 Warning Signs You Are Working with Dysfunctional Family 
  • Master Vital Clinical Tools, you to solve client problems
  • Take Six Steps Professional Must Take to Work with These Difficult Families
  • Get care for aging family members when the dysfunctional family members resist

 SIGN UP NOW

Filed Under: abusive aging parents, adult child physical abuse, Adult children, adult emotional abuse, Aging, Aging Alcohol Abuse, Aging Family, aging family and COVID, aging family crisis, aging family system, aging life business, Aging Life Care, Aging Life Care Assocaition, aging life care manager, Aging Mother, Aging therapist, Blog, Borderline narcissistic family, Caregiver Burn Out, Clinical Tools Dysfunctional families, Concierge aging clients, Dysfunctional aging family, Dysfunctional Family & Holidays, Dysfunctional Family System, elder mediator, Families, Filial Crisis, GCM Webinar, Geriatric Care Management Business, Geriatric Care Manager, geriatric care manager, Holiday Meltdown in Aging Family, Holiday Sibling Rivalry, Move Management, narcissistic client, Narcissistic Personality, nurse care manager, POST HOLIDAY SEASON, Post holidays aging dysfunctional family, Sibling Strife Christmas, Sibling Strife Holidays, Siblings, Stepmonster, Symptoms Dysfunctional Family, Webinar, Webinar ALCA GCM Tagged With: aging dysfunctional family, aging life care manager, aging parent care, aging parent crisis, boundaries dysfunctional families, care manager, Clinical Tools Dysfunctional Holiday, dysfunctional family roles, geriatric care manager, help with dysfunctional family, nurse care manager, Tools with Dysfunctional families

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