Four types of aging families can afford geriatric care management, home care, and long term care because they have financial resources, usually over a million dollars in assets. Part of this is drawn from Claudia Fine and Nick Newcombe excellent chapter ” Entitlement in the Aging Family”, Care Managers Working With the Aging Family, Jones and Bartlett)

Rich and Famous-Entitled Families:

These families are identified by the aging parents’ socioeconomic, financial and political prominence. ( example President Reagan)They are families in which all basic needs, services, resources, and creature comforts are obtained via income, assets, abundant discretionary cash flow and/or come from the political position, station or power. The entitlement of the family is passed from the parent to the child, like a virus, who in turn brings these behaviors and actions to the caregiving milieu and care management relationship.

Entitlement That Abuses Family With Riches

In these rich and famous families, the entitlement arises out of a family that is accustomed to purchasing everything. They look to paid others to meet their needs (as opposed to families who must themselves find and orchestrate ways to meet basic and complex needs themselves or with the help of the extra-familial system). Often these families have household staff, i.e., nannies, butlers, drivers, private pilots, cooks, and maids. They may have available to the business and family lawyers and accountants, as well as, teams of medical professionals and concierge physicians. Consequently, in almost all situations they are uninvolved in processes, especially those that are difficult, stressful and time-consuming. ( Fine and Newcombe- Entitlement in the Aging Family, Care Managers Working with the Aging Family)

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7th Sign of the dysfunctional Family -Narcissism

– One or more adult siblings has an “it’s all about me” attitude. It could be the aging parent or a midlife sibling. With aging parents, all siblings may have resented this self-absorption all their lives and have a love/hate relationship with older Moms or dads. With siblings, the other brothers and sister resent this, especially with parent care. The self-absorbed sibling either does not participate in solving sibling or aging family troubles but just makes them worse.

Devalued Child Entitled but Servile Adult.

As a kid, the adult child of a narcissist parent was devalued in the parent’s eyes so that the now aging parent can feel superior and powerful in the world. These children mature into adults who are emotionally impoverished, inflexible, and needy.

As a geriatric care manager, the adult child presents as entitled. As clients, these adult children fear that unless they make inflexible demands, they will receive nothing. “ Get my mother into a concierge wing of a hospital by tomorrow”

An adult child of a narcissistic aging parent will present as nasty, aggressive, and devaluing of the service provider. Or they could be essentially insatiable and easily injured by the helping professional. The adult children of narcissistic entitled families are also often angry and frustrated at having to give care to a parent or parents whom they experienced as ungiving, demanding, intrusive, overpowering, and needy. They are members of an ultra dysfunctional aging family.

The eighth sign of dysfunctional aging family- needy adult children

Baby boomers must evolve beyond the needy child he or she has been, for that fiscal, emotional, and social support, to the adult who supports his parent. Adult Children of aging parents in the 21st century not only confront the delay of their own needs when their parent’s aging and reliance call them but confront their own future and very much more immediate loss of the central figure in their lives, their own parents.

Some don’t- especially in the dysfunctional family.

These adults feel starved for parental affection they never received and often seek affection from professionals and other people in their lives to compensate for the care they didn’t receive as children.

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