Cathy Cress

Expert in Aging Life and Geriatric Care Management

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Ten Warning Signs That You Are Working With in a Dysfunctional Family

January 16, 2021

Warning Signs of Aging Dysfunctional Family – Contentiouness, Anger, and Cut Off

Do you know the 10  clinical manifestations that you are working with the dysfunctional family, the most challenging job of an aging professional. What you have to know is family system theory and be clinically skilled in entering this treacherous family system – to get care for an older person

1. Contentiousness – Old fights erupt; the siblings and parent get into arguments with one another about an old issue

2. Anger – Siblings and family members express physical anger, emotional abuse, financial abuse

 

 

3. Distancing & cut off – Some siblings or parents have nothing to do with family and may not speak to parents or siblings for long periods of time.

Warning Signs of Aging Dysfunctional Family – Fusion, Denial, Triangulation, Entitlement

4. Fusion – Siblings and family members, such as the mother and eldest daughter, blend into one another, For example, the daughter’s sounds, acts, and has the same prejudices as the mother. . Think of the media’s portrayal of Lindsay Lohan and her mother.

5. Denial – Adult siblings do not see a decline in a parent, do not face reality, and do not take care of the parent if he or she needs care.

6. Triangulation – Tension between two family members or siblings causes one to enlist a third family member or sibling to avoid change For example, two adult sibling object to the cost of care of an aging parent. They gang up on the third adult sibling who thinks the cost of care is reasonable and justified.

7. Sense of Entitlement – Siblings who are accustomed to purchasing services they need not personally solving their own, children’s sibling or parents’ problems. This lack of engagement leaves them, unprepared and unwilling in getting involved in solving family tribulations.

Warning Signs of Aging Dysfunctional Family – Narcissism, Needy Adult Siblings, Substance Abuse and Cut Off

8. Narcissism – One or more siblings has an “it’s all about me” attitude and

other siblings resent this. The self-absorbed sibling either does not participate

9. Needy Adult Siblings – These adult siblings feel starved for affection and often seek affection from professionals and other people in their lives for compensation for the care they didn’t receive as children.

10 . Substance and Other Abuse – The family and siblings have a history of drug, alcohol, and/or child abuse.

If this fits you you and your aging parent needs care may need to contact a geriatric care manager.

Sign Up for My Free January Webinar  

5 Vital Clinical Tools to Help Aging Dysfunctional Families-Post Horrid Holidays- 

             Thursday, January 21, 2021

F

  Give frantic adult children hope when they desperately call after the holiday  

 Join me and learn how to come to the rescue of concierge dysfunctional families who found coal in their stocking.      

Learn how to!

  • Understand the Dysfunctional Aging Family System you must enter to get care for elders
  • Understand 11 Warning Signs You Are Working with Dysfunctional Family
  • Master Vital Clinical Tools you to solve client problems
  • Take Six Steps Professional Must Take to Work with These Difficult Families
  • Get care for aging family members when the dysfunctional family members resist

 SIGN UP NOW

 Find out more in the YouTube for My YouTube, Channel  Geriatric Care 1

 

 

Filed Under: abusive aging parents, adult child physical abuse, Adult children, aging family crisis, aging family system, Aging Life Care, Aging Life Care Assocaition, Aging therapist, Dysfunctional aging family, Dysfunctional Family Inquiry, Dysfunctional Family System, elder abuse, elder care manager, elder fiscal abuse, elder mediator, entitled family, estranged siblings, FREE WEBINAR, GCM COACHING SKILLS, geriatric care manager, geriatric care manager start up, midlife siblings, Siblings Tagged With: adult children of borderline narcissistic VIP families, aging family, blaming familiy members, boundaries dysfunctional families, Clinical Tools Dysfunctional Holiday, cut -off, cut-off sibling, dysfunctional aging family, geriatric care manager, help with dysfunctional family, midlife siblings, Narcissistic Personality, sibling, Substance abuse in the elderly

Dysfunctional Family Holiday Mayhem – Mom Can’t 4 Manage the Ritual any Longer

December 4, 2020

What is the Normal Family vs Dysfunctional?

The normal family is the hand grenade compared to the nuclear bomb of the dysfunctional family. When both are faced with a filial crisis with an aging parent being dependent and the adult child needs to take over they cower or explode.

Dysfunctional families have many characteristics.

They lack the ability to resolve conflicts and have frequent psycho-social blockages that prevent the family from growing emotionally. They fail miserably at moving through all family stages and orchestrating family rituals.

Most life transitions in the family, like birth, adolescence, and marriage have been very difficult to make, marked by a lack of support from the parents. Every holiday might have been drunkenly ruined. The parental figures are usually not in charge, nurturing, or able to establish establishes clear rules. They have never created an excel spreadsheet on tasks to do to orchestrate a holiday. Like a disease spreading down generations, they never knew how themselves, as their parents wrecked the holidays too.

Bad or just NO Family Leader

There are murky roles for everyone in the dysfunctional family with the chief role of the parent characterized by a lack of leadership of the family and the ability to nurture the children. Mom rarely became the high priestess on Hanukkah or Christmas, the family members generally do not believe the parent is there for them and can be depended upon. The dysfunctional family is colored by bloody strained relationships and unresolved conflicts and drunken ruined Christmas memories

Dysfunction Families Inspiration For Great Literature

is the inspiration for great literature. O’Neil’s wrenching plays A Long Day’s Journey into Night”  ed6855aa32d877d7fc1ef9ee757e0f17-98.jpgportrays the most miserable of dysfunctional families. Alcohol, secrets that have been kept by all for generations splatter the pages of this great play like it does in all the ruined holiday’s children of dysfunctional families recall with horror.  Prince of Tides a tale of a southern dysfunctional family gives us timelier glimpses of a family whose center can never hold together and whose blood oozes all over everyone from one generation to the next. Award-winning plays and films, like Tracey Letts August in Osage County about a ruined ritual funeral from hell when Julia Roberts tries to beat up drug-addled, drunk presiding mother Meryl Streep.

Burnt Latkes or the Christmas cookies-inflame the family

When Mom does not make the very small things she was able to pull off like the latkes or the Christmas cookies-  she always made every Hanukkah and Christmas, or burns them to a crisp- someone else has got to be the cook, and resentments skyrocket – tempers flare – and the torch just might never get passed.

Someone must take over the holiday rituals

The family is again thrown into crisis. That means someone must take over and the dysfunctional family has no model or spreadsheet to pull off the holidays while caring for a parent who did not care for them.

 

 

 

 

Filed Under: Aging, Aging Life Care, Blog, Dementia & Holidays, Dysfunctional Aging Familu, Dysfunctional aging family, Dysfunctional Family & Holidays, elder abuse, estranged siblings, Families, Filial Crisis, Geriatric Care Management Business, Geriatric Care Manager, geriatric social worker, Holiday Meltdown in Aging Family, Holiday Rituals in Aging Family, Holiday Sibling Rivalry, Nearly Normal Aging Family, nurse advocate, nurse care manager, parent care, Sibling Strife Holidays, Spoiled Holiday Rituals Tagged With: aging dysfunctional family, aging life and geriatric care management, aging life care manager, aging parent care, aging parent crisis, alzheimers & holidays, care manager, case manager, dysfunctional family on the holiday, geriatric care manager, Holiday Meltdown in Aging Family, Holidays Crisis in aging family, holidays rituals, Long Days Journey Into Night, nurse care manager

The 2 Deadliest US Sites of COVID-19 Nursing Homes & Prisons

May 2, 2020

PRISON INMATES AND NURSING HOME PATIENTS NOT  6FT APART – 6 FEET UNDER

70% of inmates in federal prisons have COVID-19.  In Kansas, the Lansing Correctional Facility had a riot of inmates over COVID-19 lack of care or protection  It took the rebellion to get the coronavirus testing PPE and care. The  Bureau of Prisons in Kansas confirmed finally that 79 staff have coronavirus and 88 prisons and prisoners dead.   

Older residents in nursing homes cannot rebel like prisoners. Many can’t even walk. The Atlantic Magazine just published an article, We are Killing Elders Now. The writer states “In at least six states, these fatalities account for half of all COVID-19 deaths, and according to the World Health Organization, half of all coronavirus fatalities in Europe have been traced to nursing homes too. Some of this mortality is linked to long-term-care facilities that are shoddily run or that violate health standards. But most of them are doing the best they can with what they have. And they don’t have much”.

KAISER FOUNDATION NURSING HOME STAFFING AND USE OF PPE NOT REQUIRED IN MOST STATES

Kaiser reports -Staff Screening. It is more common for states to recommend rather than require daily screening of staff for illness in NFs (24 states recommend, 16 states + DC require)

Use of PPE. More states recommend (23 states) than require (7 states + DC) staff to use PPE

 Two States that require testing for coronavirus of ALL  residents of nursing homes are  Maryland where 556 have died as of the Washington Post article. and Tennessee 

THE FEDS HAVE NO CMS FEDERAL GUIDELINES OR REPORTING

We have no federal guidelines for safety testing according to an article by the Kaiser Foundation

It is now estimated that 16,000 deaths have occurred in nursing homes and that is without the federal government revealing any numbers and not making available any testing. But the numbers are probably huge- if we could just do testing. 

CMS announced it would have a meeting of a “panel” of experts “ sometime at the end of May”. After probably 20,000 older people died and the feds did nothing this shows their sense of urgency about this pandemic’s national “elder cleansing”.

WHAT CONNECTS PRISONS AND NURSING HOMES – CONCENTRATION CAMPS

So, what is the connection between the viral spread of COVID-19 in nursing homes and prisons- 6 feet ? Prisoners and residents, in nursing homes, and prisons cannot social distance. Jails and prisons have human beings crammed together with no choice. Nursing homes have 2 beds or if you are on Medicaid three to a room. Neither group has a choice to social distance. They are ” concentrated” as in concentration camps or death camps.

Do SOMETHING – HELP NURSING HOMES PREVENT MORE CARNAGE

So, as someone who has spent her career in aging, I am calling out to everyone, especially professional in aging – do something. Since the feds appear to be doing little- call your congressman, write a letter to the editor.

BE KIND LIKE RACHEL MADDOW REPORTS LA JEWISH HOME LA WAS

Rachel Maddow suggests calling your local nursing homes and see what they need. Be kind like the LA Jewish Home was to a smaller nursing home LA Brier Oaks. They wanted to test their residents and had no tests and the larger LA Jewish Home had tests and shared them with the smaller as a good neighbor. What they found was ravaging but it also showed caring and generosity. Care and be generous and show the helpless elders in nursing homes in your town you are opposed to -nursing home being prisons or concentration camps.

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Social Media, Social Media for Care managers, Social Media for eldercare, social media marketing, social media marketing campaign, Speaker's Bureau, speaker's buyreau, Speakers Bureau, Speaking to Adult Children, Spiritual Quality of Life, Stanford Hospital care manager, START UP, Stepmonster, Story Worth, Sweetheart scam, telemedicine, Thanking staff, Thanksgiving, THANKSGIVING BLOG, Thanksgiving Parent crisis, Therapist Specializing in Aging, Third Party Referral, Timeline, Town Hall, Transgender Elders, Trust Departments, Trust Officer, Uncovered Long Term Care, Uncovered MedicareServices, Universal Precaution, Valentines gifts for family caregivers, value proposition, value propostion, VIP marketing, VIP Products, VIP Syndrome, VIPS markeing, Wealth Management Departments, Wealth Managers, Webinar, Webinar ALCA GCM, Written Geriatric Assessment Tagged With: aging life care manager, aging parent crisis, case manager, Covid-19, COVID-19 prisons, death and dying in COVID-19, Federal Response To Covid-19, geriatric care manager, nurse advocate, nurse care manager, nursing home deaths, nursing home saftey, Prison death

What GCM Benefits to Offer Wealth Management- Trust Departments ?

March 17, 2020

Finding Wealthy Clients Through Trust Departments

How do you find long-term clients from the top 10% financially- who can afford geriatric care management and home care and then offer sustainable financial growth to your Aging Life or GCM company?

Some of the hardest clients to find are the probably upper 5%  who have their money managed by a Trust Department of a bank.

How Do You Locate Trust Departments to Market to?

Not all banks have Trust Departments and you want to find banks near you who do. Plus the trust department of a bank usually is not in every bank but in one central bank in a larger city, serving all the branches. For example, I live in small Santa Cruz, California and Northern Trust, and Wells Fargo Trust are all located in San Francisco or Palo Alto.

Once you locate the central trust department then you have to make an appointment and sell yourself to meet with the trust officers. Your sales pitch needs to be uber good enough to allow the trust officer to refer you on to the trust clients, who often have 5 million or more in assets.

 You offer to the trust officer must include superior professional  Gold Standard Concierge Service to Client and Family- Care that the wealth manager and entitled client demand.

But your most compelling sales message to a trust department or any 3rd party is not that you have something wonderful to sell –it is ” I understand what your clients  need  and what will benefit both your wealthy clients and what will benefit you.”

You sell GCM or ALCA to wealth managers through the VIP benefits you bring them through the Benefit”SO” method

You offer high-end services from your resource databases like private drivers, private chefs, car services, exclusive golf clubs and recreation that cater to entitled older clients, and upscale trust clients –Benefit So– the wealth manager will be assured you know what his high-end clients prefer for services

You explain that you are skilled in working with difficult entitled clients who can be narcissistic, demanding and unreasonable- Benefit- So the wealth manager can do what they do best= manage money and you can solve the dysfunctional family issues that wealthy difficult families are plagued with when agreeing on the best care needs for their parents.

Regularly monitor the status of an older client and report back to the financial advisors when a change in care needs or level of care is needed  Benefit so the wealth manager can work with her clients financial needs and you, the professional care manager can assess and inform her about the health and psychosocial needs so  aging problems not become a crisis and are solved preventatively

Organize community resources for clients so have the highest quality VIP health care and quality of life  Benefit so the wealth  manager can suggest the most gold standard and highest quality services in the community to meet her clients needs as he ages

Make clients feel engaged with your health and social services concierge who works with them individually and understand their exclusive needs -Benefit So the entitled trust client feel that they have a 1-1 concierge who will serve them individually  in finding the best, VIP care, they feel they deserve

  Free Webinar-Sales and Marketing to Find the VIP Concierge Client

March 31, 2020 -2PM -3:30 PM PST

Concierge Clients are the only way a GCM or ALCA care manager can make a profit and have their business thrive. Find out who are they, how you find them, design GCM Products they will purchase, and create a marketing plan and gold standard services to have them sign your contract and use your services long term

Learn

Who They Are- 4 Types of Concierge Clients

How to Locate them in your service area

How to create a strategic marketing plan to sell to them

How to Develop Gold Standard GCM Products and Services

 

SIGN UP NOW

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Filed Under: Aging, aging family crisis, Aging Life Care, aging life care manager, Blog, case manager, Concierge Senior, elder abuse, elder care manager, Fiscal Elder Abuse, Geriatric Care Manager, geriatric care manager, geriatric social worker, Marketing aging life care, marketing care management, marketing to concierge clients, marketing to the top 10$, Narcissistic Personality, nurse advocate, nurse care manager, Webinar Tagged With: aging family, aging life care manager, aging parent care, aging parent crisis, Benefits, benefits of ALCA, Benefits Of Geriatric Care Managers, benefits to 3rd parties, care manager, dysfunctional aging family, Entitled Family, marketing to wealth manager, Narcissism, Narcissistic Personality, nurse advocate, nurse care manager, reaching top 10% elder, Wealth Management Banks, wealthy clients

What GCM Benefits to Offer Wealth Management- Trust Departments ?

February 11, 2020

Signing Up ENTITLED CLIENTS

How do you find long-term clients from the top 10% financially- who can afford geriatric care management and home care and then offer sustainable financial growth to your Aging Life or GCM company?

 You offer superior professional  Gold Standard Concierge Service to Client and Family- Care that the wealth manager and entitled client demand.

But your most compelling sales message to a trust department or any 3rd party is not that you have something wonderful to sell it is ” I understand what you need what will benefit you.”

You sell GCM or ALCA to wealth managers through the VIP benefits you bring them through the Benefit”SO” method

You offer high-end services from your resource databases like private drivers, private chefs, car services, exclusive golf clubs and recreation that cater to entitled older clients, and upscale trust clients –Benefit So– the wealth manager will be assured you know what his high-end clients prefer for services

Are skilled in working with difficult entitled clients who can be narcissistic, demanding and unreasonable- Benefit- So the wealth manager can do what they do best= manage money and you can solve the dysfunctional family issues that wealthy difficult families are plagued with when agreeing on the best care needs for their parents.

Regularly monitor the status of an older client and report back to the financial advisors when a change in care needs or level of care is needed  Benefit so the wealth manager can work with her clients financial needs and you, professional care manager can assess and inform her about the health and psychosocial needs so  aging problems not become a crisis and are solved preventatively

Organize community resources for clients so have the highest quality VIP health care and quality of life  Benefit so the wealth  manager can suggest the most gold standard and highest quality services in the community to meet her clients needs as he ages

Make clients feel engaged with your health and social services concierge who works with them individually and understand their exclusive needs -Benefit So the entitled trust client feel that they have a 1-1 concierge who will serve them individually  in finding the best, VIP care, they feel they deserve

Join me in my new FREE Webinar
Learn to Sell Benefits not Features to Third Parties to Grow Your Care Management Bottom Line

When: February,20th 2020
2 PM-3:30 PM PST
Learn
 

What is a benefit vs features and how to find benefits for each 3rd party you market to?

What specific problems you solve for wealth managers, elder law attorneys, and concierge physicians  

What specific problems to solve for upscale Assisted Living, accountants, financial planners, MD’s  

Step by Step how to set up meetings with 3rd parties to make the sale

SIGN UP

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Filed Under: Aging, aging family crisis, Aging Life Care, aging life care manager, Blog, case manager, Concierge Senior, elder abuse, elder care manager, Fiscal Elder Abuse, Geriatric Care Manager, geriatric care manager, geriatric social worker, Marketing aging life care, marketing care management, marketing to concierge clients, marketing to the top 10$, Narcissistic Personality, nurse advocate, nurse care manager, Webinar Tagged With: aging family, aging life care manager, aging parent care, aging parent crisis, Benefits, benefits of ALCA, Benefits Of Geriatric Care Managers, benefits to 3rd parties, care manager, dysfunctional aging family, Entitled Family, marketing to wealth manager, Narcissism, Narcissistic Personality, nurse advocate, nurse care manager, reaching top 10% elder, Wealth Management Banks, wealthy clients

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