Cathy Cress

Expert in Aging Life and Geriatric Care Management

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10 Do’s &Don’ts Doing the Dysfunctional Family Calls Post Holidays

September 5, 2023

 

Most Calls for Care Managers Post Holidays

More than half of the aging families who call you inquiring about services will be dysfunctional families post-holidays. The great majority of calls will come from adult children. If you want to make the sale during the inquiry you have to know how to handle these dysfunctional family members on the phone and give them enough trust in you to sign your contract and give you a deposit for your services.

FIND OUT MORE 

How Do You Get Them To Trust You Enough to Sign Contract with Dysfunctional family Post holidays?

  1. Do Be Objective
  2. Do Use Active Listening
  3. Do Give them Hope you can solve their family problem
  4. Do a two-part inquiry and have the problem defined in the first part done by a skilled administrative Assistant
  5. Do study the problem before you do the second call and have exactly how you would solve the problem ready in a planned elevator speech
  6. Do a complimentary 30-minute consultation
  7. Do not give away the store but outline how you are an expert at solving the problems (moving, keeping at home, Alzheimer’s wandering and a bare outline of your solution
  8. Do not criticize dysfunctional family post-holidays
  9. Do not blame,
  10. Do not take sides if several family members points of view and express them

 

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11 Vital Clinical Tools For Desperate Families Post-Holidays

             Thursday, Jan 6, 2022, 02:00 PM Pacific Time (US and Canada)

 

 

  Give frantic adult children hope using vital clinical tools when they desperately call after the holiday Join me Post-holiday and learn how to come to clinically rescue concierge dysfunctional families who found coal in their stocking.      

Learn how to!

  • Understand the Dysfunctional Aging Family System you must enter to get care for elders
  • Master 11 Vital Clinical Tools you to solve client problems
  • Take Six Clinical Steps Professional Must Take to Work with these Dysfunctional family post-holidays 
  • Get care for aging family members when the dysfunctional family members resist

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Filed Under: adult child calls post holidays, Adult Child Caregiver Pain, Adult Child Pain, adult child pain-point, adult child physical abuse, Adult children, Adulyt Child Call Post holidays, Aging, aging family crisis, Aging family pain, aging life business, Aging Life Care, Aging Life Care Assocaition, aging life care manager, Alarm Bells For Long Distance Family, ALCA Dysfunctional Family Help, Black, Black Aging Family, Black Entrepreneur, Black Entrepreneur RB, Black Entrepreneur RN, Black entrepreneurs, Black Geriatric Care Manager, Black geriatric care managers, Black RN, Black Travel Nurses, Blog, Care Management Inquiry Call, Caregiver Stress, Caregivers collapsing, Cash Clow, Concierge aging clients, Concierge Senior, Contract signed, Dysfunctional Aging Familu, Dysfunctional aging family, Dysfunctional Family & Holidays, Dysfunctional Family Inquiry, Families, Geriatric Care Management Business, Geriatric Care Manager, geriatric social worker, inquiry, inquiry call, Intake COVID-19, Make the Sale, nurse advocate, nurse care manager, Sign Up Dysfunctional Aging Family, Sign Up GCM Client, Sysfuntional Family post holidays Tagged With: aging dysfunctional family, aging life care manager, aging life inquiry, aging life or GCM inquiry, Black, black american geriatric care managers, black american social workers, Black caregivers, Black Entrepreneurs, Black geriatric care managers, Black Nurse Entrepreneurs, Black RN's, Black start-up geriatric care management, care manager, case manager, Clinical Tool dysfunctional family, Clinical Tools Dysfunctional Holiday, dysfunctional aging family, Dysfunctional Concierge Family, Dysfunctional family post holidays, dysfunctional family roles, Dysfunctional VIP Family, geriatric care manager, help with dysfunctional family, Holiday Inquiry call, nurse care manager, Tools with Dysfunctional families, Working With Dysfunctional family

Dysfunctional Aging Family Adult Children Who Call You Where You Need Clinical Skills

August 22, 2023

3 Types of Dysfunctional Aging Family Children Calls

Where You Need Clinical Skills

# 1 Inquiry from a Narcissistic Adult Children

in  Aging Dysfunctional Family

Dysfunctional adult children who inquire about your services can be a tough sell. First, let’s- consider The narcissistic adult child from an aging dysfunctional family who calls for help and has an “it’s all about me” attitude. The aging parent and or a midlife sibling could be narcissists. With aging parents, all siblings may have resented this self-absorption of their family their entire lives and have a love/hate relationship with older parents. Siblings, the other brothers, and sisters resent this, especially with parent care.  The self-absorbed sibling either does not participate in solving sibling or aging family troubles but just makes them worse. They call after a disastrous holiday event like the coming  Labor Day family gathering and you need clinical skills to work with them

#2 Inquiry from Devalued Child Entitled but Servile Adult.

 

Dysfunctional adult children who call you about your services can include devalued adult children from the aging dysfunctional family calls you, you need clinical skills to work with them. 

As a kid, the adult child of a narcissistic parent was devalued in the parent’s eyes so that the now aging parent can feel superior and powerful in the world. These children mature into adults who are emotionally impoverished, inflexible, and needy.

As a geriatric care manager, the adult child presents as entitled. As clients, these adult children fear that unless they make inflexible demands, they will receive nothing. “ Get my mother into a concierge wing of a hospital by tomorrow”

An adult child of a narcissistic aging parent will present as nasty, aggressive, and devaluing of the service provider. Or they could be essentially insatiable and easily injured by the helping professional. The adult children of narcissistic entitled families are also often angry and frustrated at having to give care to a parent or parents whom they experienced as ungiving, demanding, intrusive, overpowering, and needy. They are members of an ultra-dysfunctional aging family. They call after a visit to aging parents and you need clinical skills to work with them 

# 3-Inquiry from Needy Adult Children in the Dysfunctional Aging Family

 The adult child who calls may be the needy adult child. Baby boomers must evolve beyond the needy child he or she has been, depending on aging parents’ fiscal,

emotional, and social support, to the adult who supports his parent. Adult Children of aging parents in the 21st century not only confront the delay of their own needs when their parent’s aging and reliance call them but confront their own future and very much more immediate loss of the central figure in their lives, their own parents.

Some don’t- especially in the dysfunctional aging family.

These adults feel starved for parental affection they never received and often seek affection from professionals and other people in their lives to compensate for the care they didn’t receive as children. They call after the holiday and you need clinical skills to work with them. 

These 3  types of adult children have clinical difficulties that are coping and defense mechanisms allowing them to adapt to a dysfunctional family. The care manager must enter the family system clinically to address the needs symptoms and defenses of the adult children to get care for the elder.

SIGN UP FOR MY FREE SEPTEMBER WEBINAR

Taming HBO Succession

11 Vital Clinical Tools For Dysfunctional Families

 

             Thursday, September 19

02:00 PM Pacific Time (US and Canada)

Find Out More 

  Give frantic adult children hope when they desperately call this summer after they see their failing parent.  

 Join me and learn to clinically rescue concierge dysfunctional families made a summer visit to floundering Mom or Dad.      

SIGN UP FOR THIS WEBINAR  

Understand the Dysfunctional Aging Family System you must enter to get care for elders
Understand 11 Warning Signs You Are Working with Dysfunctional Family

Master 10 Clinical Tools Professionals Must Learn Before They Work with These Difficult Families
Learn how to solve dysfunctional family problems after you master these tools
Get care for aging family members when the dysfunctional family members resist
Learn how to work with characters like Rupert Murdock & Logan Roy

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Find out more in the YouTube for My YouTube, Channel  Geriatric Care 1

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Find out more in the YouTube for My YouTube, Channel  Geriatric Care 1

 

Filed Under: Adult Child Pain, adult child pain-point, Adult Child Stress, Adult children, Aging, aging family crisis, aging family system, Aging Life Care, Aging Life Care Assocaition, aging life care manager, Aging therapist, black care manager, black concieirge nurse, black concierge care manager, black concierge RN, Black Entrepreneur, Black entrepreneurs, Black Geriatric Care Manager, Black geriatric care managers, black travel nurse, Black Travel Nurses, Black Travel RN, Blog, borderline-narcissistic families, Clinical Tools Dysfunctional family, Concierge aging clients, Concierge caregivers, Devalued adult child, Dysfunctional aging family, Dysfunctional Family Inquiry, Dysfunctional Family System, elder fiscal abuse, Entited Family, Families, FREE WEBINAR, GCM Clinical Tools, Geriatric Care Management Business, Geriatric Care Manager, geriatric social worker, Narcissistic adult child, Needy Adult Child, nurse advocate, nurse care manager Tagged With: aging dysfunctional family, aging family, aging life care manager, black american geriatric care managers, Black Entrepreneurs, Black geriatric care managers, Black Nurse Entrepreneurs, care manager, Clinical Tool dysfunctional family, Clinical Tools for Aging Family, Devalued Adult Child, dysfunctional, Entitled Adult Children, Entitled aging client, Entitled Family, free webinar, geriatric care managers, Ivanka Trump, Needy Adult Child, nurse advocate, nurse care manager, parent care crisis, Tools with Dysfunctional families

Need a Midlife Family Meeting for Aging Parent Disaster Plan

August 21, 2023

 MidLife Sibling Meeting Needed for Global Warming

A midlife sibling meeting needs to be convened after the catastrophic global warming nightmare of Hurricane Dora unleashed on Maui, where 1000 people missing many probably older residents who could not get out quickly creating a midlife sibling nightmare.  The identified dead are all elders. Scores more victims will be identified in the weeks and months to come. While the final list of fatalities will almost surely represent a broader cross-section of ages, the deaths underscore that elderly people are at greater risk in fast-moving blazes.

I was in Los Angeles during Hurricane Hilary when the hurricane struck along with a 5.0 earthquake. It was the first in 84 years because the global warming nightmare of the week is the Pacific Ocean is now warm enough to produce big hurricanes. My daughter and family whom I had a housesat for, took off for Maui finding out Maui was on fire, and went to the big island all this catastrophe in one week. I had to scramble to find flashlights etc. and call her in Hawaii. I ended up being an example of this post.

According to the US Fire Administration people over the age of 65 face the greatest relative risk of dying in a fire: 2.6 times higher than that of the general population. Research from the National Institute of Standards and Technology and the Fire Administration ties this trend among the elderly to greater frailty and difficulty escaping.

This back-to-back global warming nightmare smacks the climate change catastrophes right in our faces.  On  Dora’s and Hilary’s heels, we will have more hurricanes with hurricane season upon us, that insanely could be on both coasts, with global warming making them monster storms, with the huge elderly death toll. This should terrify adult children enough to take emergency action to protect their parents.

Emergency Diaster plan

 

Midlife Family Meeting of Siblings Need Emergency Disaster Plan

Midlife Family Meeting

This recent confluence of hurricane deaths and hurricanes looming in this global warming nightmare should be a deafening roar in the ear of midlife siblings convene a midlife sibling meeting to create a disaster plan family protecting any aging family members-, no matter where your elderly parents live or what level of care. You need that disaster plan because older people are more likely to die in catastrophes than any other population

So before another hurricane, tornado, earthquake, flood, or any disaster hits, you need to have a  midlife sibling meeting to come up with a disaster plan for aging family members.

What would be the agenda of that midlife sibling disaster family meeting?

If your loved ones are in a FACILITY- do not trust the facility to handle the situation.

Remember Hurricane Irma where above -Florida Nursing home residents are sitting in flooded water. Avoid this

Emergency Disaster Plan Have Midlife Family Meeting

1)Get a copy of the facility’s disaster and evacuation plan. Compare it to state regulations. If it does not include calling the family before the disaster, consider moving your loved one or make sure that is changed.

2)Appoint a sibling to be in charge of reading the disaster evacuation plan and be the contact person.

3)Call your state facility licensing body and find out the state regulations to see if they match the facilities- CCRC, Assisted Living, or Nursing Home

4) Have a telephonic family meeting before the disaster if possible

5) make sure the state requires backup generators for heat and air conditioning- a flaw in Florida’s regulations in Irma

If the loved one is LIVING AT HOME alone or with an adult child have midlife family meeting

Midlife Family Meeting

1) Create a disaster plan for the older person. This would map out what each sibling and family member needs to do

2) Create a disaster team. This would include every adult sibling all over the country, family nearby, caregivers, and neighbors.

4) Include someone on the team who can carry heavy objects like wheelchairs.

5) Name a substitute caregiver if the regular one can’t get there.

6) Make an evacuation plan for your aging family member’s house. Where is the nearest Red Cross shelter 

7) What disaster supplies do you have on hand? Get a list from your local Red Cross 

8)Find out how many people do you need to make the move to safety or a shelter?

9) Put all of the above in writing.

10) Share a copy of your disaster plan with everyone. E-mail copies to everyone on the family disaster team including all adult siblings, neighbors, and friends.

11) Get everyone’s agreement especially midlife siblings and the older person. Be a unified disaster team.

12 ) Call a geriatric care manager to manage the plan or help you create it with your elderly parents, if you live long distance. They can do the heavy lifting, can help moderate a family meeting- can research state laws, be there in a disaster immediately, and create and implement a disaster plan for your parent, that you approve and can be part of.

Professionals check out the chapter “ Preparing for Emergencies” in my Handbook of Geriatric Care Management  fourth edition,

Professionals Check out my book Care Managers Working With the Aging Family, Jones, and Bartlett, with its chapter on Family Meetings and the Aging Family by Rita Ghatak, director of Stanford’s Aging Program. 

Filed Under: Aging, Aging Family, Aging Life Care, aging life care manager, care manager, caregiver, case manager, elder care manager, Elderly Disaster Plan, Emergency Plan, Geriatric Care Management Business, Geriatric Care Manager, geriatric social worker, Jose, nurse advocate, nurse care manager, Nursing Home disaster plan, Siblings Tagged With: aging family, aging life care manager, aging parent care, aging parent crisis, care manager, case manager, disaster plan, disaster supplies, E Book on Family Meetings, Hurricane Dorian', Hurricane Harvey, Hurricane Irma, Hurricane Katrina, New Orleans opens flood gates, older adults in a dsiaster, Red Cross, sibling, sibling disaster family meeting, sibling family meeting

Emergency Go Binder -Family Caregivers Need for Global Warming

August 16, 2023

What Senior Services Can Do in Disasters

What Senior Services can do in disasters – You can prepare an emergency plan for your own agency. This is critical now for all care managers, home care agencies, and any senior service because of global warming. With the Maui Fire, CSA, or any senior agency watching another global climate change disaster, happening right in Maui. Senior service providers need to know how to prepare elders and their agencies for fires. Many of those suspected dead in Lahaina are thought to be older people who could not escape quickly enough as it was a fire that was swept by Hurricane Dora’s 80-mile-an-hour winds spread the fire so fast that many many just could not escape and now suspected snapped power lines . Lionel Montalvo, retired fire chief in Lahaina, said that many dead elderly would be found  Fema puts out a handout that can be shared with elders about how to prepare for fires with their level of disability.

In An Emergency, I  Panicked

What Senior Services can do in disasters was vividly revealed to me. I live in Santa Cruz County, Ca. , where the disaster of a 6.9 earthquake, in 1989 happened and future earthquakes stalk us. But we had a double disaster in  Aug 2021. Covid had started and then one of the 30 fires begun by lightning strikes all over California set the Santa Cruz mountains, with ancient 3000-year-old redwoods, ablaze. The fires caused 70,000 evacuations, and flames destroyed 1,490 structures, as the firefighters did not have enough fire personnel to fight the fire. There were so many fires statewide that all firefighters in the state were not enough to fight the blazes. In addition to the horror, the fast-spreading fire, our three assigned planes to drop water on the inferno, could not fly as smoke and fog prevented it. They went to other California fires.

I Had No Grab and GO, Binder

When all this was announced by emergency alerts we were told to prepare to evacuate too. In spite of just teaching how to put together a go binder for COVID- I had no go binder myself. I had no list of what I would take in an emergency from a 5 bedroom house with multiple family heirlooms, original art by children, grandchildren, and now famous friends, I had never scanned the multiple photographs of our family in frames to GOOGLE PHOTOS  all over the house nor those critical important documents like our trust, birth certificates, passports, insurance info in a filing to add a go binder. I  never made a GO Binder. I did that later now when the fire is 30% contained when it was no help in the emergency, but I do now when worldwide global emergencies, world wide spread like the black death.

What to put in Go-Binder

Emergency plan

What Senior Services can do in disasters is help clients create a grab-and-go binder with all the emergency contacts, documents like advanced directives, DNR power of attorney, and family contacts, the family cannot physically go into the hospital or evacuate but this Go binder can take your place. With important information about your family member when they are admitted without you by their side. Your go-binder should contain your family members’ most important information and documents. This will include.

  • Medical information
  • Emergency Contact List
  • Advanced Directives 
  • Critical medical, insurance, social security, Trust/will docs 
  • You can also order them pre-prepared 

Prepare for Double Disasters Now

In emergency situations, people sometimes do not think rationally as I did in the Santa Cruz mountain fire. We never know how we are going to react in an emergency until it actually happens. In order to prepare for any situation, hurricanes & COVID, Fires creating a grab-and-go binder should be an important part of your shelter-in-place plan for aging friends or relatives.

If Covid returns with new variants and many anti-vaxers who refuse immunizations,  older people sheltering in place, can still contract COVID and be rushed to the hospital in an emergency. But on top of COVID other emergencies like storms, wildfires, and floods occur on the top of the pandemic. Think of this summer and fall  when the hurricane season is predicted to be catastrophic due to climate change, the warming of the Oceans, and in the last week Hurricane Dora creating, along with drought the brutal disaster on going in Maui, where 1000 people are still missing and the dead over 100.

EMERGENCY PLAN FOR EVERY DISASTER

Prepare for emergencies

Emergency Plan Needed for all Senior Service Agencies to Serve Clients in the Misdst of Disasters and Exploding Global Climate Change 

What Senior Services must do in disasters, especially exploding climate change events, is to create an emergency plan for all emergencies for all staff, caregivers, and aging clients in your senior agencies or you as a practitioner. With hurricane Dora causing the  Maui fire and the west once again facing massive wildfires, tornados already wreaking devastation this season and the polar vortex perhaps coming again next year-do you have emergency procedures?

The emergency plan to prepare for emergencies should contain specific policies and procedures,  like who will care for your clients when the agency members have to evacuate, and a plan that is written out and made explicitly. It should include directions that the owner or manager would like followed in emergency circumstances. The emergency plan should be signed and dated by both the owner and the manager, reviewed periodically, and updated as policies and procedures or circumstances change. An emergency plan is your first line of defense when an emergency or disaster occurs.

Informal agency emergency procedures work in a start-up care management business but what if the solo practitioner is ill and out?

If illness, accident, or some other unforeseen event overtakes an owner or man­ager, like, no emergency procedures can be suicide in an emergency, not to mention liabil­ity to your elderly clients.

You could be like  GCM Jim Boyd who lost his business in the Paradise Fire that knocked him out.

PARADISE FIRE DEVASTATION OF A GERIATRIC CARE MANAGEMENT PRACTICE

GCM Jim Boyd of Paradise, California lost everything in the catastrophic fire in the town of Paradise, where he lived and practiced. He was trying to evacuate aging clients in Paradise, located in the midst of the Sierra forest when the huge forest fire immolated the entire town. Another care manager in the Sierras took over for him as an Aging Life Care partner. Although a “Go Fund Me” started by the Aging Life Care Association raised almost $10,000 for Jim, he did not have enough to rebuild his Paradise home where he had his home-based GCM business. Then he and  90% of the residents of Paradise never returned.

Emergency Plan-Every geriatric care professional needs a formal, written backup plan that dictates action, should a disaster or emergency arise.

 

It‘s necessary to assess your company’s risk of temporary or permanent service disrup­tion  you will prepare for emergencies with an agency emergency plan

if a disaster or emergency is experienced. This may seem an overwhelming task at first, but when you break it down into pieces, it becomes workable.

One part of your emergency plan should be explaining an emergency plan and checking the home for safety at intake. Then at each monitoring visit have an emergency plan checklist to make sure safety devices work- and are still in the house –are their batteries that still work, flashlights fire alarms, if an emergency exit plan is still posted, and family or paid caregivers still trained on what to do in an emergency.

Learn how to prepare for emergencies and how you can prepare yourself, your clients, and your staff for disasters and absences of key personnel.

With global warming’s effects causing fires like the Maui Fire -floods, larger hurricanes, and the specter of more catastrophic weather events, you need to prepare for emergencies. Get the new Handbook of Geriatric Care Management 4th edition now at my website –  out in Kindle or hardback with an excellent chapter on how to prepare your agency for disasters, plus forms to use, by former GCM President Liz Barlow.           

 

 

 

Filed Under: Advanced Directives and Covid-19, advanced directives& COVID-19, Aging, aging family crisis, Aging Life Care, aging life care manager, ALCA COVID-19 Crisis, ALCA Disaster Plan, ALCA Products for COVID_19, Blog, Coronavirus Coaching, Coronavirus emergency plan, Coronavirus safety elders, coronavirus shut down, CORONAVIRUS Stay at Home Plan, COVID, COVID-19 & Care Management, COVID-19 & Wildfire, COVID-19 &Shelter in Place Plan, Covid-19 and GCM SERVICES, COVID-19 Emergency Go Binder, COVID-19 Emergency Plan, Covid-19 GCM Products, COVID-19 Hospital Discharge Plan, COVID-19 Plus Hurricane, COVID-19 Recover at Home Plan, elder care manager, Emergency Go Binder, Emergency Plan, Geriatric Care Manager, geriatric social worker, nurse advocate, nurse care manager Tagged With: 5th edition GCM OPERATIONS MANUAL, ADVANCED DIRECTIVES & COVID-19, aging parent crisis, care manager, case manager, COVID GCM Procedures, COVID- 19 GO Binder, COVID-19 PRODUCTS, Covid-19 Telehealth, COVID-19& LONG DISTANCE CARE, crisis with aging parents, geriatric care manager, nurse advocate, nurse care manager, parent care crisis

Dysfunctional Families Facing Death Wreak Havoc at End of Life

August 3, 2023

What do Dysfunctional Families do at the End of Life?

 

Dysfunctional families facing death and dying have flawed fractured family conversations. Often they do not communicate at all or engage in destructive accusations lobbed at others. They see one another as enemies. They demonize one another!

Dysfunctional families facing death are feuding families, escalating the pain of death to a chaotic war room. They blame each other instead of locking arms in a crisis.

Dysfunctional families facing death sabotage resolution.

Facing Fractured Family Communication

What are some of the struggles that these aging dysfunctional families facing death with fractured family communication can face?

Aging parents who lack the capacity to make decisions have no advance directives, DPOA 

health-care proxy, and adult siblings, who must make end-of-life decisions, can’t agree

Withdrawal of life support with no designated health care agent then dysfunctional families facing death the adult children and/or spouse disagree

Pain management  Dysfunctiona families facing death adult children and/or spouses disagree.

Answer to Fractured Family at End of Life – Mediation.

Dysfunctional families facing death

 

Mediation is a tool that fractured families can be a good resource for dysfunctional families at the end of life. It can help with these difficult families facing the death of a parent without fracturing the entire family. It can allow an older person to die without pain inflicted by their own aging dysfunctional families.

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Understand 11 Warning Signs You Are Working with Dysfunctional Family

Master 10 Clinical Tools Professionals Must learn before they work with These Difficult Families
Learn how to solve dysfunctional family problems like End of Life family chaos after you master these tools  for aging dysfunctional families
Get care for aging family members when the dysfunctional family members resist
Learn how to work with characters like Rupert Murdock & Logan Roy

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 Find out more in the YouTube for My YouTube, Channel  Geriatric Care 1

 

 

 

Filed Under: Advanced Directives, Advanced Directives and Covid-19, Aging, aging life care manager, Benefits of ALCA to Hospice, Death and Dying, Death and Dying Care Management, Dysfunctional aging family, Dysfunctional Family Mediation, End of Life, End of Life Care manager, End of life documents, estranged elder parents and adult kids, estranged siblings, Families, FREE WEBINAR, GCM COACHING SKILLS, Geriatric Care Management Business, Geriatric Care Manager, geriatric social worker, Good Death, Hospice Care, mediation, Mediation End of Life, nurse advocate, nurse care manager Tagged With: adult sibling, aging family, aging parent care, aging parent crisis, black american geriatric care managers, black american social workers, Black Entrepreneurs, Black geriatric care managers, Black Nurse Entrepreneurs, Black RN's, Black start-up geriatric care management, care planning, caregiver burnout, conservator, death, dysfunctional aging family, dysfunctional family, dysfunctional siblings, dysfuntional family, elder care crisis, end of life, end of life family meeting, estranged siblings, families fretting at end of life, free webinar, geraitric assessment, geriatric care management, geriatric care manager, geriatric care managers, mediation, mediator, My Geriatric Care Management Operations Manual, no advanced directive, no DPOA, no health care proxy, withdraw of life support

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