Cathy Cress

Expert in Aging Life and Geriatric Care Management

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How to Help Avoid a Cat and Dog fight at a Dysfunctional Family Thanksgiving

November 7, 2019

cat-dog-fight.jpg

Sparring Cats and Dogs

Especially after some holiday liquid cheer, sour step-parents, angry step-siblings and mid-life adult kids who have grown up in a dysfunctional family can turn into sparring cats and dogs with teeth bared and claws dug in flesh, at Thanksgiving dinner.

 Why Their Stocking Full of Coal

The ordinary aging processes are made far tougher when a family has a history of dysfunction. Aging professionals, like geriatric care managers, have their greatest challenges in working with these “difficult” families.

 

Dysfunctional families are not able to organize themselves

They effectively face gut-wrenching eldercare challenges and crises. These families are under more stress as they move from long-established roles into uncharted territory.

 Why Cut-OFF Ruins Holidays

What if they “ cut off” their Dad years ago and now he had a severe stroke- what do they do?? Someone has to take over Mom or Dad’s care and these dysfunctional midlife adult kids are heavy ambivalent or just don’t want to do it.  They are caught between “ I love you” and “ I hate you” and it only takes a few drinks and snarky remarks to start a fracas.

 

Now that the holidays are soon arriving – they have the same attitude about

attending the family Thanksgiving dinner.

 So what to do if you are an aging professional, geriatric care manager, nurse care manager- before the holiday to avoid the scene below.

 

 Read Lynn Lynn Hackstaff’s chapter,  Difficult Families: Conflict, Dependence, and Mutuality: Care Management with the Difficult Aging Family in Handbook of Geriatric Care Management 

Join me in my newest Free Webinar

 

During the busiest season for care management referrals-

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5 Ways to Tame the Turbulence of Holiday Meltdown in Aging Families

 Learn how!

  • How to work with both dysfunctional and long-distance families who call during the holidays
  • How to give hope to frantic children who call, after seeing their aging parent struggling with the rituals
  • How to sell services to desperate adult child callers   
  • How to use GCM tools to contain Holiday chaos
  • How to use financial forecasting to prepare for growth during the holidays
  • Sidestep the Many Care Managers Who Do not know how to work with Dysfunctional Aging Families so the  client chooses you

THIS FREE  WEBINAR IS NOVEMBER 21, 2019 FROM 2 PM – 3 PM PST

 

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Filed Under: aging family crisis, aging life business, Aging Life Care, Aging Life Care Assocaition, aging life care manager, Aging therapist, Blog, case manager, Dysfunctional aging family, Dysfunctional Family & Holidays, elder care manager, estranged siblings, Geriatric Care Management Business, Geriatric Care Manager, geriatric care manager, geriatric social worker, Holiday Meltdown in Aging Family, Holiday Rituals in Aging Family, nurse advocate, nurse care manager, Thanksgiving, Thanksgiving Parent crisis, Therapist Specializing in Aging, Webinar Tagged With: aging dysfunctional family, aging family, aging life care manager, aging parent care, aging parent Thanksgiving, care manager, case manager, nurse advocate, nurse care manager, Thanksgiving

When Cut Off in The Family is a ” Phantom Limb” at Thanksgiving

October 24, 2019

The Dysfunctional Family’s Worst Time of The Year

Thanksgiving can be the gateway to the dysfunctional family’s worst time of year- the holidays. You face family across the table you despise or just both love and hate. Or there is that empty seat- the uninvited guest- the brother-sister, aunt, son, daughter who you never invite- the cut off-family member. 

Families Phantom Limb

But since this leaves the family with that “phantom limb”- like the awful sensation that an amputated or missing limb is still attached and where it was is pulsating in pain- families reach out for someone to fix it.

The ordinary aging processes are made far tougher when a family has a history of dysfunction. Aging professionals, like geriatric care managers, have their greatest challenges in working with these “difficult” families around this time of year.

 Dysfunctional Families Fail Eldercare

Dysfunctional families are not able to organize themselves effectively in the face of eldercare challenges and crises. These families are under more stress as they move from long-established roles into uncharted territory.

Family” Cut” off  faces Phantom Limb at Thanksgivingimages_20141216-184443_1.jpg

What if they “ cut off” their Dad years ago and now he had a severe stroke-what do they do?? Someone has to take over Mom or Dad’s care and these dysfunctional midlife adult kids are heavy ambivalent or just don’t want to do it. Now that the holidays are arriving – they have the same attitude about attending the family Thanksgiving dinner.

My favorite aging dysfunctional family  ” cut off ” Thanksgiving film is  Pieces of April  Made as a comedy in 2003, it touches death and dying, sibling rivalry, mother-daughter estrangement, interracial love- and Alzheimer’s all fueled by deep family fault lines and how to cook a turkey on a broken stove. The film manages to make the old theme of fraught family Thanksgiving, crisp, funny and ultra worth watching.

 Shot in 3 weeks for a measly $350 K, it received a Sundance Film award and accolades for its pedigree cast including 21 year old Katie Holmes as the grunge Goth daughter who her family has ” Cut Off”,Patricia Clarkson as the dying  Mom who distains then forgives her rebellious eldest child and Alice Drummond as the demented grandmother who comes along and plays the most rational person in the film in her obliviousness to the family  holiday freak-out.

Subscribe to my YouTube Channel Geriatric Care 1

 

Filed Under: Adult children, Aging, Aging Alcohol Abuse, Aging Family, aging family crisis, aging life business, Aging Life Care, Aging Life Care Assocaition, aging life care manager, Aging therapist, Blog, care manager, case manager, Cut Off, Dysfunctional aging family, elder care manager, Families, Geriatric Care Management Business, Geriatric Care Manager, geriatric care manager, geriatric social worker, Holiday Meltdown in Aging Family, Holiday Rituals in Aging Family, nurse advocate, nurse care manager, Siblings, Thanksgiving, Thanksgiving Parent crisis, Therapist Specializing in Aging Tagged With: aging family, aging family Thanksgiving, aging life care manager, aging parent crisis, aging parent Thanksgiving, care manager, case manager, cut -off, dysfunctional family holidays, geriatric care manager, Katie Holmes, Marriage and Family Therapist, nurse care manager, Thanksgiving, Thanksgiving with aging parents, Thanksgiving with dysfunctional family, Therapist in Aging

When Cut Off in The Family is a ” Phantom Limb” at Thanksgiving – Katie Holmes Brilliant Role

November 22, 2017

Thanksgiving can be the gateway to the dysfunctional families worst time of year- the holidays. You face family across the table you despise or just both love and hate. Or there is that empty seat- the uninvited guest- the brother-sister, aunt, son, daughter who you never invite- the cut off-family member. 

But since this leaves the family with that “phantom limb”- like the awful sensation that an amputated or missing limb is still attached and where it was is pulsating in pain- families reach out for someone to fix it.

The ordinary aging processes are made far tougher when a family has a history of dysfunction. Aging professionals, like geriatric care managers, have their greatest challenges in working with these “difficult” families around this time of year.

Dysfunctional families are not able to organize themselves effectively in the face of eldercare challenges and crises. These families are under more stress as they move from long-established roles into uncharted territory.

What if they “ cut off” their Dad years ago and now he had a severe stroke-what do they do?? Someone has to take over Mom or Dad’s care and these dysfunctional midlife adult kids are heavy ambivalent or just don’t want to do it.Now that the holidays are arriving – they have the same attitude about attending the family Thanksgiving dinner.

Pieces if April is my favorite aging dysfunctional family  ” cut off ” Thanksgiving film. Made as a comedy in 2003, it touches death and dying, sibling rivalry, mother-daughter estrangement, interracial love- and Alzheimer’s all fueled by deep family fault lines and how to cook a turkey on a broken stove.The film manages to make the old theme of fraught family Thanksgiving, crisp, funny and ultra worth watching.

 Shot in 3 weeks for a measly $350 K, it received a Sundance Film award and accolades for its pedigree cast including 21 year old Katie Holmes as the grunge Goth daughter who her family has ” Cut Off”,.Patricia Clarkson as the dying  Mom who distains then forgives her rebellious eldest child and Alice Drummond as the demented grandmother who comes along and plays the most rational person in the film in her obliviousness to the family  holiday freak-out.

 Watch this classic before the holiday 

 

 

 

 

Filed Under: Aging, Aging Family, Aging Life Care, aging life care manager, Blog, care manager, Cut Off, Dysfunctional aging family, elder care manager, Families, Geriatric Care Management Business, Geriatric Care Manager, Holiday Rituals in Aging Family, nurse advocate, nurse care manager, Siblings Tagged With: aging family, aging life care manager, aging parent crisis, care manager, case manager, cut -off, dysfunctional family holidays, geriatric care manager, Katie Holmes, nurse care manager, Thanksgiving

Thanskgiving Visit to Elders May Be Push to Move

November 16, 2014

PDF-Cover-of-11-10-12My-Geriatric-Care-Management-Agency.jpg

 

 

Thanksgiving is coming and aging family members will visit their elderly parents. What they may find is a shocking reason to move them

Declining physical safety due to the lack of home maintenance often creates an urgency to move. Home safety concerns and deferred home maintenance often share a symbiotic relationship. Loose stair railings, leaky roofs, old furnaces, and seeping gas appliances all result from deferred home maintenance and create an unsafe living environment

If the older adult lacks the ability to access qualified home maintenance and repair services, the push to move will surface once again and a change in living environment may be considered.

Dementia, decrements in vision and hearing, a lack of a strong support network, or financial limitations can make the ability to identify and contract with reputable home repair services nearly impossible.  When the home environment is deemed no longer able to support the safety of the older adult this is a red flag to move hire a geriatric care manager http://memberfinder.caremanager.org/. They can assess how the older person can stay at home with home repairs and private duty home care.

This calls into question the availability of sufficient financial resources to pay for much-needed assistance in the face of declining health or support networks. Aside from structural changes to the home, an older person’s lack of ambulation or ability to execute ADL’s or IADL’s may require paid caregivers. If the older person has insufficient financial resources to afford care or modify the house, this financial crisis may push an older person to consider moving. The geriatric care manager can help the family or elder to find the right level of care to move and assist them in moving.

Social support, health and functional abilities, home environment, safety, and finances are all factors affecting the degree of push an older adult or an elder’s family may experience leading to the need for late-life relocation. Social supports, like adult children visiting at Thanksgiving may prompt need to the need do much more than cook a turkey at Mom’s house. Adult children may have to decide whether to move her or him.

Filed Under: Aging Tagged With: elders and home repairs, geriatric care manager, home modifications for elders, Thanksgiving, Thanksgiving with aging parents

Thanksgiving is Coming and so is the Dysfunctional Family

October 26, 2013

Dys-fam90264_CH22_FIG02.jpg

 

Thanksgiving is around the corner what better time to talk about the” dysfunctional family”. Coping with an aging parent is a complicated matter. The nearly normal aging family has their own problems. Leading up to Thanksgiving they can resent Mom not be able to cook that turkey. An aging Mom or Dad’s decline can be a struggle even for families that are close-knit, well integrated, and highly functioning. But for the dysfunctional aging family a disabled Mom’s need for care can be overwhelming and even destructive. This kind of family the family is marked by strained relationships and unresolved conflict. They not only do not want to take over and cook the Thanksgiving turkey, they will attend the annual family ritual and make a scene or, more likely, never show up at all.

 

Filed Under: Aging Tagged With: aging parents, dysfunctional family, geriatric care manager, holidays with aging parents, Thanksgiving

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Cathy Cress is the leading national expert in Aging Life and Geriatric Care Management. She is author of Handbook of Geriatric Care Management 4th edition, Jones and Bartlett, published 2015 and known as the bible of geriatric care management. Continue Reading >

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