A baby boomer daughter may spend Thanksgiving at her elderly Mom and stepdad’s home. The couple married late in life. If so -the 50’s daughter may join now midlife steps siblings at the celebration but decide the new Mom is a Stepmonster.
What if the elderly remarried couple, who are increasingly frail, have problems that everyone notices?
The turkey’s half cooked, Mom’s beautiful clothes are dirty and she has not been to the hairdresser in what looks like weeks.
Who helps Mom and calls an aging life or geriatric care manager?
Late-life remarriage can bring challenges to these through these newly minted stepparents and stepsiblings. Eldercare is one. If any group of stepsiblings disagrees about money spent Mom’s eldercare or resulting diminished inheritance, there can be hell to pay. Money becomes a big issue with adult siblings on both sides for aging parents who find a new love of their life.
Differing points of view can explode into a battle over money power and legal rights.
If you are an aging life or geriatric care are you ready to face these dilemmas when the adult daughter calls?
Not just remarriage in late life but elderly partners living together are showing up at Thanksgiving dinner. According to Pew Research, that the number of people over 50 who cohabit with a partner rather than marry jumped 75 percent from 2007 to 2016.
In fact the single greatest predictor that a marriage will fail is the presence of children from a previous marriage or relationship. It might surprise us. But the truth is that the divorce rate is 50% higher in remarriages with children than in those without according to a Psychology Today article called Stepmonster
Adult children can sabotage the new older partner when by noticing a decline in the elderly parents and calling a geriatric care manager to evaluate- when they really want the professional to be the bad guy and get rid of the new love or stepmonster.
Here are 5 steps you can take-
I evaluate capacity in the older parent – the elderly parent has a right to choose if they are mentally clear.
Suggest an elder law attorney
Evaluate the adult children’s point of view to tease out the real issues
Suggest a family meeting with a skilled facilitator or mediator
Refer to adult protective services if you suspect a sweetheart scam or undue influence on the part of the adult children
Join me in my new Webinar
5 Ways to Tame the Turbulence of Holiday Meltdown in Aging Families
During the busiest season for care management referrals-
You Will Learn:
- How to give hope to frantic children who call, after seeing their aging parent struggling with the rituals
- How to sell services during intake, to desperate adult child callers
- How to use GCM tools to contain Holiday chaos
- How to use financial forecasting to prepare for growth during the holidays
- How to work with both dysfunctional and long-distance families who call during the holidays