holidays rituals Archives ⋆ Cathy Cress

Reminiscence isn’t new. Before the printing press, storytellers and bards were how history was recorded- in the new mind not on tape.

Oral storytellers gave us the Odyssey and another valiant tales. History exists in their family, and Ulysses or Penelope might be sitting in their living room this holiday season.

Here are some tips to use if their want to capture these family tales during this holiday season—a perfect time to do this. Use empathetic listening if you can. Make all the messages you are are giving the older person— tone, how fast you speak, how they are sitting- say, “I want to listen to you.”

Ask questions that prompt the story but don’t make judgments. If there are going to record the family tale, do it in a way that doesn’t distract or stop the older person from talking. Recording on your i phone , ipad etc is simple and non-intrusive

Start somewhere. If the elder isn’t going to tell stories on his or her own, start the story and see if they will follow along. “That chair there are sitting in, where did their get it, Mom?” Pick an ornament off the Christmas tree and show it to dad to see if he can tell its story.

Reminiscence is sparked by the senses, and buried memories flow into our brains. That’s why the holidays are a perfect time to have their older family members share stories with them. The sense of taste spurs memories. Just think of making that pie that tasted a lot like their mom’s, a brisket, traditional Christmas pudding, latkes

Here are two technology tools to help you with this legacy building for your older client

Life Bio

Grandma’s Pie

Check out my Book Handbook of Geriatric Care Management with more tools for legacy building written by David Lindeman Director Of the Center for Technology at UC Berkeley and Julie Menack of 21 st Care Solutions

What happens when an aging mother cannot be the high priestess of the holiday planning?

Why is she the high priestess. Hanukkah and Christmas are really high holy days. Women are traditionally in charge of planning these events that according to the UK can take up to 24 major tasks. Women are to organize the entire ritual, get religious instruments- menorah, crèche Christmas tree- all symbols of returning light, plan the ritual menu, shop for it and set a large table with their best china for the high holiday meal . Then they get out all the boxes of holiday decorations, bedeck the house, make a Christmas or Hanukah gift list and then – shop for all gifts, invite (or leave out) guests or family. Set the table (have all the ritual china and decorations)

Organize games or ceremonies. And on and exhaustingly on.

When girls get married they get silver and china that’s usually get stored away and comes out of the dark cabinet for rare occasions. No one tells them that at 50, 60 70, there will be a critical use. Those dishes and silver are used to take over the holiday from their failing Mom who used to be the high priestess but cannot manage anymore or just wants to let go of it all because it is a mammoth overwhelming task.

There is a missing ceremony is our world and that is passing on the role of high priestess to a younger woman in the family who will take over. It is called succession. But the transition is usually in a crisis with an aging Mom, not planned for, discussed and left until the floor falls through or Mom’s in the emergency room. The transition of power is not gradually made to accommodate the aging high priestess and rituals that provide the glue to the continuity of the family.

Find out more in my book, Care Managers Working With the the Aging Family ,chapter “Dependency and Loss “

What Happens When You Must Replace the High Priestess ( Aging Mother) of the Holiday ?

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