Coming Up on October 17th, I will be presenting a workshop
How to Help Midlife Siblings Move Towards Forgiveness to Form a Team to Care for Elderly Parents .
The Workshop location is :
Sponsored By Senior Care Management http://www.seniorcaremgt.com
Senior Care Management
(609) 882- 0322
Why should you attend ?
1) Build a better knowledge base of the aging family
2) Identify ‘nearly’ normal family systems where midlife
crisis with aging parent is present and create
interventions to assist midlife siblings reach filial maturity
3) Identify midlife sibling dysfunction and understand forgiveness
tools to enhance therapeutic interventions and get aging parents better
9-10.Adult- Siblings – Types, Roles, Rules , Siblings Rivalry , Midlife and in old age power point and guided discussion
break 10 minutes
10:10- 11-. Midlife Siblings in the Aging Family -Stress and Burden in Caregiving
What is the Role of the Aging Professional ? guided discussion and power point
Break 10 minutes
11:10- 12:10 Mom Loves You Best and I Hate You Helping Midlife Siblings Forgive and Forge Lifelong Relationships and Care for Aging Parents- guided discussion and power point
12:10-12:30- Questions – wrap up discussion
3.0 Contact Hours and CEU credits
approved for nurses and social workers.
Certificates to be distributed at end of series.
Are you a step grandparent? Because of divorce, I am step grandma to more than half of my ten grandchildren. Six of my grandchildren have blood grandma’s- at least two each. I am the third grandmother but really never feel like the third wheel. I feel like all 10 are my grandchildren.
Right now I am in LA with 5 grandchildren, 2 blood twin siblings,my 14 month old grandsons, one step granddaughter ten, one step granddaughter fourteen and one blood granddaughter nineteen, plus a step daughter and step daughter in law. The boy siblings were not included as this is girl cousins weekend. The boy siblings step and blood siblings will have another event All the girls and Moms are going to Disneyland today with my blood daughter while I watch her twins. If this sounds complicated, it is. So is putting back together broken families
This has taken years building trust and love with my stepchildren with many setbacks. To the step grandchildren- it came easily. I love them as much as my 4 blood grandchildren.
It’s a confusing role with no script. As divorce a re-engineers American families, the chaotic remix mints more and more step grandparents. Two out of five American families now include a step grandparent.
You are coping with the crazy quilt of the modern family. It’ truly like the TV comedy Modern Family , a satire on the real experience, minus the step grandparents who should be added to the cast. You’ve got the that American family or the Brady bunch on steroids.
Think of this like blending families when your adult kids first married. You have the original blueprints. With the extended family, you have no blueprints and you have to build a metaphorical room for your stepchildren and step grandchildren and make sure your blood grandchildren’s room gets retrofitted.
Being a step grandparent is about love and action – not blood. So here are some tips
about putting that love into action.
1. Relationships grow over time. Don’t expect your step grandkids to love you instantly and the same with you.
2. Stepfamilies are born of loss- help step and blood grandchildren heal. Spread unconditional hugs and acceptance over every part of this new family.
3. Conflict is normal in stepfamilies- Use listening skills, don’t criticize, encourage talking openly, and back the parents’ rules and expectations.
4. Spend one to one time with each grandchild and step grandchild.
5. Focus on the needs of the children, not your wishes for the relationship.
6.Find out what you step grandkids like-and get it- what they do and do it with them.
7. Think equal- if you have six steps and four bloods like me- get equal gifts or give equal time.
7. Know your part in the play-you are the supporting cast, not the star of the show.
8. Stay in the moment- does not pry into the past.
9. Go to all special events – be that supportive cast.
10. Cheer for their accomplishments – don’t be a critic -be the support system.
11. Create join events and rituals – that’s what we are doing today and will repeat next year- it works.
Baby Boomers were covered today on NPR on with their doubts about how to pay for long term care and what will happen to Medicare yet with optimism about the future. What is the Baby Boom generation and what are the sibling rules , economy, circumstances and roles they grew up with?
In any play or drama, there are always standard roles like a leading man, a heroine, a villain, and a minor character or two. Families can have central casting as well. Parents usually assign roles to family members. These roles include the oldest, which can be a bully or sometimes the child with the most responsibility, like ,babysitting younger siblings, a job that may have a real negative impact on siblings
There is the classic role of the youngest, which is the baby and often the favorite.
Because gender is often the elephant in the family living room, the role of the boy can often be the most valued while the role of the girl is very undervalued.
The parents’ favored sibling could be the role of the oldest, the smartest, and most educated, or even the most challenged brother or sister.
Families have patterns, much like a piece of fabric. These threads are sometimes a map of the family genome. Roles can be a GPS to help us decipher these filial directions.
Parent your children so that you are raising sibling brothers and sisters in harmony. Spot sibling relationships that sound like chalk scraping on a blackboard. This screeching sound can come up from roles gone badly. An example is the role of the oldest gives that child too much responsibility and acting out.
Roles gone bad can pummel a parent’s ears when your daughter feels that you favor the brother or have less expectation of her as a girl than you do of your male children
It can screech when you favor the baby, which many parents tend to do.
Harmony is more than a sound. It is difficult to slug it out, bully, or emotionally batter a person whom you really care about. Caring for your brothers and sisters and being kind to them is the first lesson we give our children. Our relationship to other siblings is our initial experience being sensitive to the other children we play with and even how we engage with our spouse and children in the future. That relationship is built on sibling roles.
A mom or dad’s role is one of facilitating harmony among your kids. You are not here to make them act in accord but to create the conditions that result in a comfortable relationship among them. This means really being aware of roles you have your kids play as siblings.
You can’t have power over every action taken by each child, but you can shape his or her relationships. That means being aware of sibling roles you create.
Allow the oldest child to do things for the youngest without burdening him or her. Allow the girl to have equal opportunities as the boys. Don’t give the youngest everything when you were spare in your gift to the older siblings
Be aware of sibling roles you ascribe. They really matter is in creating a harmonious family.
Watch this you Tube from my Mom Loves You Best Channel on roles for more tips.