The Geriatric Care Manager or aging professional working with a dysfunctional family any month- but especially during the holidays- needs to remember that, for the adult child, the act of caregiving (having to take over wrapping the holiday gifts for aging Mom, making the brisket for the family Hanukah dinner, decorating the tree or changing an adult diaper) means reengaging with the most profound and influential attachment of one’s life: the parent.
There are few models for negotiating the powerful parent–child bond in later life.
Intergenerational relationships between parents and adult children are often characterized by ambivalence.They hate and love their aging parents. Positive feelings include love, reciprocal help, shared values, and solidarity. Negative feelings include isolation, conflict, abuse, neglect, and caregiver stress.
So on the holidays the dysfunctional family has daughter who were unmothered and may not be interested in making brisket for the family or even inviting their mother to the Christmas dinner. They feel they have been abused neglected in childhood so now may have no idea on how to care for parents who did not care for them or cook that traditional ham, brisket or Dolmeh ( Persian New Year _)