Cathy Cress

Expert in Aging Life and Geriatric Care Management

7 Tips to Make Labor Day Midlife- Sibling Stress Free

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Happy Labor Day. 

If you are working with midlife siblings to solve elder care issues and they are attending a Labor Day barbecue-  

Here are 

Suggestions to make the ritual of Labor Day –  a holiday to be enjoyed by midlife siblings and their families  – not dreaded like the annual Thanksgiving dinner where Mom burns the turkey and your uncle gets drunk and sings. 

Here are 7 tips to help them keep the Labor Day heartburn free without a midlife sibling to build a midlife sibling team over aging Mom and Dad issues.

1) Don’t discuss politics. In this era of the Trump presidency with so many families at odds over President Trump, Charlotteville, the Russian hacking investigation, DOMA, the building of the ” Mexican Wall ” –politics can be lethal to families. Spare siblings, and guests. This is bloodier than the civil war with so many kin at opposite poles. So keep it positive and light or just plain pass the time of day. And whatever you do, don’t drink too much and forget the ban on politics.

2) Remember that it is a family gathering and it is not “all about you”.Suggest keeping a positive attitude for the sake of aging parents, if they are there,  and  kids, who will model bad sibling behavior when they face parent- care in the future

3) Call email or Facebook, Evite everyone ahead of time. Ask everyone to bring a dish to share. That is the beginning of building a sibling family team- sharing food. Call every midlife sibling and family member. Do not exclude. Again to build a team effort.

4) Attempt to get all midlife siblings to plan activities ahead and jointly work to make them happen-with a sibling team spirit. Think of softball games, horseshoes, and a treasure hunt, anything that everyone can have joint ideas about beforehand. Use Facebook to do this- hopefully, all your siblings are your Facebook friends.

5) Arrange to split the bill for beverages like alcohol and soft drinks, again sibling team effort. Remember to go light on alcohol because, like the recent Houston explosion caused by hurricane flooding, alcohol can detonate sibling warfare.

6) Share jobs- setting up tables, bringing in equipment for sports or games, lawn chairs- especially ‘manning” the barbecue. (Sisters can cook too) Share it and don’t let anyone be top dog –be the chosen chef, unless everyone is fine with that.This is again modeling a sibling team about helping an aging Mom and Dad.

6) It is a party, not a sibling family meeting. If you want to talk about personal issues, make a date in the future to get together with your angry sister/brother.

7) Don’t make this a family meeting where old sibling grudges get hashed out.It is a holiday.

Check out the chapter ” Working With Adult Aging Siblings” by Cathy Cress and Kali C Peterson in  Care Manager’s Working With the Aging Family – for a deeper dive into how to work with midlife siblings around aging parent care. 

Also, you could apply this to any labor day gathering with siblings and just leave out the aging parent issue.

HAVE HAPPY LABOR DAY

Are You A Family Caregiver- Give Yourself Something A VALENTINE Better Than Chocolate?

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If you are a family care provider in an aging family, give yourself and your loved one a valentines gift- the essence of love- hire Wonder woman to be a fictive sister to help with the care you provide . Call an an aging life or geriatric care manager in their area.She is like the best chocolate you can buy. Make an appointment to go to their office and meet with them. Most GCM’s will see you to discuss their services at no charge. You can shop around and interview a few if you wish. Geriatric care managers can be located on the Aging Life Care Association web site Use your long distance family’s parent’s zip code.
It’s a preventative, prudent and loving idea to have a geriatric care manager in the town where your older relative resides. If there is a crisis, it is cheaper to have her solve it. In an urgent situation , she can go to the hospital or emergency room,. This is more sane and cost effective than you getting on last-minute, expensive flights. You can still go but, like Wonder Woman , they can immediately be there to deal with the crisis and solve it. She is good insurance.

Before any crisis, you can have the GCM do an initial assessment and visit your older relative periodically (once a month, once every two months).This is preventative. That way they are there for you when you need them and have all the information to solve the problem.

Think of her the way you do one of those blow-up beds. She can pump them up when you need need in a crisis—perhaps avoid that crisis, and you yourself can sleep more soundly and with more peace of mind in your own bed. Oh and she sometimes brings in her partner- superman who can who as you know ” stands for truth justice and the American way” and is ” faster than a speeding bullet”
Some of the things a geriatric care manager aka Wonder Woman and Superman can do for you are:

1.Save you money by helping keep your parent out of the hospital and you off emergency long distance flights.

2.Facilitate a family discussion of needs, resources, and division of labor among friends family

3. Recommend ways to proactively prepare and plan for a parent’s possible health care crisis.

4.Work on family cooperation to formulate realistic parent-care plan.

5.Assess strengths and weaknesses of all of the potential caregivers

6. Help adult siblings resolve conflicts about care decisions.

7.Help siblings act together in the best interest of the parent

8.Decrease the tension between hometown and long distance siblings

9. Help the long-distance care provider deal with guilt and frustration that may result from their inability to provide more of the day-to-day care.

10.Locate aging resources ( both no -cost trough the older Americans Act) in your aging parents area quickly and without you having to do it

If you are a professional who wants to be Wonder Woman Check out this book .
Handbook of Geriatric Care Management, Fourth Edition

Have you Gotten a Gift for a Caregiver-The People Paid Little or Nothing But Are the Meaning of True Love??

 

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What can we do for family caregivers for valentine’s day? Valentine’s day is about love. Can we count the ways family care givers caring for an aging family members represent the heart and soulful  love of Valentines Day.

What can you give a caregiver on Valentine’s Day?

Loving gifts, including chocolate which we all covet but comes in handy to relieve stress and of course added to respite maybe  a few hours off, maybe on valentine’s day itself would be sweet gift.

Another gift is the simple act of thanking them for all they do at such a cost to themselves that they rarely voice . Here is another list of gifts including pampering  caregivers and a way to find the right spa  . AARP has its own terrific list with aromatherapy and bath essentials

 

If you have an aging parent caring for a spouse they can experience most fraught filled valentine’s day. The person who you gave all your heart to – at times for many decades- is there but not there in a way they can be a classic valentines love  . So, taking the couple out for dinner or  giving respite to the spouse and taking her to a special valentine’s brunch or event- so she can share the love you have for him or her. This can be a soulful warm gift for someone spending time with the love of their life who is not able to share the romantic day any more.

 

Can’t make a gift yourself and want an idea. Pinterest has a whole board of gifts for caregivers in including valentine . Amazon has a whole list and if have a prime membership you can order today and they will deliver it

Finally, AARP has a tech list for caregivers that has good ideas

Have You Sent A Valentine to Your Mom If She’s Your Financial Safety Net??

 

On Valentine’s Day it is not only grandchildren who should send valentines to Grandma but working mothers who should send heartfelt greetings to greeting. A recent study showed the majority of American households spend more than 10% of their household income on childcare — and a fifth of households more than a quarter of their income So if grandmothers offer childcare , they are the financial safety net for young grandchildren.

But grandmothers are not only that financial safety net but also an emotional safety net for siblings as kids. Younger siblings are happier and healthier when grandmother’s pitch in. Not only sibling get that boost from Grandma being there but Mom’s and Dads are less psychologically stressed if grandmother’s support their family taking over some of the multiple parental chores to raise young siblings.
And as Grandmother’s, AARP tells us what we know- it is sometimes the greatest joy of our lives and increases the quality of life of older people like nothing else can do
Even picking up after school, babysitting or helping in a garage sale make grandmothers a blessing. Making a missing baby book for the second third and fourth kid did who not get one, as parents were overwhelmed, is a huge support for parents and kids.

Grandmother’s help can be a key to making kids president. Both President Obama and President Clinton were raised in part by their grandmothers. Or take former Grandma in Chief, Michele Obama’s Mom, who watched over the Obama daughters as their parents raised healthy siblings while Mom and Dad and traveled the world.

So, working women with grandparent help send your Mom or Dad a card on Valentine’s Day and know we grandparents just adore those cards, handmade if possible, from those special Valentines who have our hearts- our grandchildren.

When they need your help as they age- remember what grandmother’s do for us. For now send a valentine.Perhaps later look for a great aging life or geriatric care manager 

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