Cathy Cress

Expert in Aging Life and Geriatric Care Management

Siblings With Special Needs Services From Childhood to Old Age

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Special needs siblings have services available from childhood to old age.

 

When in a young family, includes siblings who have special needs that child must be surrounded by brothers and sisters who support and understand those special needs.

 

The sibling with special needs is often the favorite in the family, due the parent’s worry and greater need to care for that sibling.

 

As siblings with special needs grow older, anticipating the parent’s death and the now middle-aged sibling’s future care, something called special needs trust can be established. This can help the other midlife siblings render the care the parent once gave.  Geriatric Care Manager’s are often involved with the care of the special needs sibling.

 

There is even a division of the National Association of Elder Law Attornies that focus’s in special needs and the elderly called the Elder Law Alliance

World’s Oldest Siblings in Sardnia- What’s Their Secret?

Centenarian siblings in the Mediterranean island of Sardinia were recognized this week by the Guinness World Records  as the world’s oldest living siblings. Fame came from the discovery of nine elderly siblings who have a combined age of 818. One sibling, Claudina, 99, keeps fit by walking to and from church every day, another sibling Adolfo, 89, still works in a bar in the village. Find out why Sardinia and its siblings live to such a ripe very old age in this Christian Science Monitor article that put them in the world news. 

To Deal With Sibling Squabbles_Parents _ Nuture Yourself

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If you have siblings with issues between them, look to yourself. Are you running on empty? Most young mothers I know don’t really nurture themselves. Between work, parenting and household chores, they never put themselves on their own to do list.

 

If you are a Mom or Dad of teenagers or young children and your kids are struggling with sibling rivalry, avoid a future sibling “I Hate You” story- 40 years from now by caring for yourself. Taking care of you as the caregiver is key to caring for others.

 

The catch phrase is to “balance work and family”. I am talking about balancing three things-work family and you –filling up your own self- before the other two plunge out of balance

Try joining-enrolling in activities that help you care of yourself will help your kids move through the shoals of sibling issues because you feel healthier. You might choose yoga, massage, journaling, meditation, a book club, or a gym membership. Mindfulness could be a practice you could investigate.

 

Keep a diary; just a few sentences a day to tell yourself what you did that day to care for yourself. Just taking a walk, getting your nails done or sitting alone for 15 minutes can count as self-care.

 

Don’t tell yourself you don’t have time. Caregivers of the elderly end up the hospital before the person they care for. That’s one caregiver taking care of one person. Mom’s care for multiple kids and at times sparing siblings.

 

Delegate household tasks to the whole family- give siblings chores like setting the table taking out the trash, starting basic meals. Forming a sibling team actually helps build healthy siblings relationships plus helps you – balance your needs and theirs.
Young children who have brother and sister problems, demand time and attention from the parental caregiver. Your first job is to care for them, but you cannot do that if you’re not emotionally strong and centered yourself.

 

Getting to that point means caring for the caregiver and using caregiver tools to make yourself the best mom, dad, step mom, or step dad you can be. You can help yourself overcome present and future sibling rivalry issues by making a list of activities to nurture yourself so you have all the energy and centeredness it takes to deal with sibling issues.

Being parent/ caregiver, who nurtures yourself, brings your nurturing skills with your young siblings, back into your life.

Parenting With a Broken leg-Parenting in General- Use Extended Family

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My daughter has 14-month-old twin siblings. She works for the SCAN Foundation at a job that take her to Washington DC frequently. Her husband has a demanding job administering the 3500 kids in the LA Jr Guards program  part of the LA Lifeguards, the largest Lifeguard service in the world.

 

Where does extended family come in? My son in law Dan just broke his leg. My husband Pete had been in LA down taking care of their twin siblings along with help from their part time nanny since July.

 

With the broken leg of this week, Pete will have to have a longer stay to care for our twin sibling’s grandsons and help Dan and Kali.

They will have aide. To the rescue will come extended family including me, several aunts from both side of the Murphy/ Peterson family and even teenage cousins, who are all coming down next week.

Added this is Dan’s Dad who took him to the doctor after the break, drove him home after the operation and brought dinner for everyone last night and took him to work today, broken leg and all- on crutches.

 

The moral is —it takes a village, as Hillary Clinton said. Raising siblings, kids, twins, multiples takes asking for help from extended family, which includes friends, aunts uncles, grandparent’ great grandparents. neighbors and godparents.

 

They can help with this heavy parent life, by picking up after school, shuttling to activities, driving to doctors appointments, running garage sales, home repair, broken legs and dinner for exhausted parents . You name it – you need them.

 

My first husband is at my older daughter’s home right now building a new fence, replacing doors, and helping with kids as she recently got divorced and needs his support. He builds film sets and so can do really fine carpentry.

 

I have said involve Dad’s more but my message here is also involve granddad’s more too- they are terrific.

 

Extended family can blow up like an air mattress. They can come in a crisis, like my son- in laws broken leg and my daughter’s divorce – take over or just help with tasks, and then deflate and fly back home.

 

You say – I have no close family- then ask friends or neighbors, people in your church, folks in any group you are in, like a twins group. Raising children, multiple siblings twins and multiples (like triplets or more) – takes that Hillary Clinton Village, whether you like Hillary Clinton or not-

Ask and ye shall receive- if you don’t ask- well you might be there with a broken legged husband and 14 month old twins ( who can both walk- fast on four chubby legs )

Is Your New Baby Causing Sibling Misery?

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Are you are a Gen X or Y parent expecting a baby? Want to avoid sibling rivalry with your other kids who feel wretchedly neglected?

One answer- do parental sibling marketing to each of your other children to blunt the jealousy of the new arrival.

Work hard to sell self-worth to older siblings before and after the birth. Encourage harmony among all the siblings, who are no longer that special baby and probably feel family nest is way too crowded.

Pay attention to the role the baby has taken in your family.

2012 parents Kaila and Taylor were consumed with their newborn on top of earning enough cash to pay the bills in this rotten economy. The overwhelmed parents had little time to make for their other two kids.

In fact teen Lucy felt like she was the least favorite child now that her parents ended her piano lessons due to the tight family budget. Having new baby Ella arrive as the star of the family, made Lucy and eight year old Jack feel like Neptune and Pluto compared to the shining Venus of Ella.

One critical parental step was needed – involve father’s more. Dad Taylor took that step by making more bottles, changing diapers and doing late night feedings for his new daughter. He attended all of Jack’s baseball games, exhausted and bleary, but always there as a cheering Dad.

His paternal involvement allowed Mom Kaila to spend more time with Lucy, who was careworn after she had to give up music lessons plus her Mom’s attention. Kaila found cheaper activities by calling her daughter’s guidance counselor for help. Lucy had shown an interest in working backstage at the high school theater, where her best girlfriend was the stage manager.

The high school counselor prompted Mom Kaila to ask Lucy to join the theater company and work backstage. Mom Kaila, who sewed, volunteered to help the seamstress make costumes for the theater group so that she and Lucy could interact more.

So with a new baby make sure you spread love evenly and show each sibling that he or she is special and important.

This parental marketing will pay off in big dividends in the here and now and future by preventing a sibling  “I Hate You” story many years down the line where the “baby “ remains the least favorite sibling decades later

 

 

 

 

 

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