Did your blended family mix like oil and water over the mother’s day? Did the steps and the halves then skip father’s day? Do your blood children have a strained relationship with your stepchildren? Do your half siblings hate their whole siblings? Had the whole family blown up on the 4th of July? How about a step, half blood family meeting
If your bloods halves and steps
in an endless war why the sibling mess?
If you are Generation X and your parents were divorced- you might point your finger at your baby boomer parents – how they approached marriage and family relationships. These changes were a domino effect cascading down on Generation X and Generation Y, leaving them leery of commitment and endless angry with siblings
If you are Generation X or Y kid who grew up with divorce- did you yourself get divorced?
If (bloods, steps and half’s) are heading down the road to writing their own sibling “I Hate You” story, make a summer resolution when the world seems to open.
If you are Gen X write a paragraph or two about the generational changes that occurred in your own family (like divorce or remarriage) that might have contributed to the strife between your own children -leading to sibling “I Hate You” stories.
If you are a baby boomer grandmother or grandfather watching your children grandchildren reel from divorce-, write a paragraph about how the generational values, both positive and negative, how they had an impact on your children and grandchildren and perhaps how you would like to change them.
A sibling family meeting can be organized by one of the siblings who seeks harmony instead of the sound of chalk on the blackboard. The steps you take can make steps, bloods and halves begin to reconcile so that Memorial Day, you might have everyone attend the event with a bit more harmony.
Consider unraveling your sibling tale with a sibling family meeting and make forgiveness part of the solution. .
Has sibling rivalry among your kids – made your summer hotter—answer- involve extended family? It does take a village.
Especially in summer, when kids are out of school, if Mom’s and Dad’s reach out to nearby family, parents can downgrade present and even future sibling rivalry and strife. This can be an investment in helping your kids avoid midlife brother and sister “ I Hate You” stories
Family, like aunts, uncles, grandparents, great-grandparents-or any blood or non-blood relative or close friends -can help you bear the heavy load of parenting. Especially engaging the support of older family members like grandparents (who today can be pretty vital sixty-year-olds) can be a great hand up with this heavy lift.
Extended family can help with one sibling while Mom or Dad pay special attention to another child. Family can pitch in by having one sibling spend a summer vacation week at their home, take them to special places, go camping with them. It does not have to be expensive –just one to one. If another sibling could go to a grandparent’s or another extended family member’s home that same week, this will go the distance for making siblings each feel special and reduce competition.
This extended family involvement will allow you share the burden of child rearing and pay equal attention to kids. In today’s’ strapped economy and single parent environment, this is a great bank to borrow from – thus reducing the added deficit of sibling rivalry.
Check out my latest You Tube on my Mom Loves You Best Channel- “How to have a sibling family meeting with young kids.” As a mother , dad grandmother or grandpa or even great grandparent= this can help you. After all isn’t summer when kids visit their grandparents . Learn how any family member can have a family meeting with children, solve disputes, decide as a team where to go on a day or just have fun building a sibling team.
1. Contentiousness – Old fights erupt; the siblings and parent get into arguments with one another about old issue
2. Anger – Siblings and family members express physical anger, emotional abuse, financial abuse
3. Distancing & cut off – Some siblings or parents have nothing to do with family and may not speak to parents or siblings for long periods of time.
4. Fusion – Siblings and family members, such the mother and eldest daughter, blend into one another, For example, the daughter’s sounds, acts, and has the same prejudices as the mother. . Think of the media’s portrayal of Lindsay Lohan and her mother.
5. Denial – Adult siblings do not see decline in a parent, do not face reality and do not take care of the parent if he or she needs care.
6. Triangulation – Tension between two family members or siblings causes one to enlist a third family member or sibling to avoid change For example, two adult sibling object to the cost of care of an aging parent. They gang up on the third adult sibling who thinks the cost of care is reasonable and justified.
7. Sense of Entitlement – Siblings who are accustomed to purchasing services they need not personally solving their own, children’s sibling or parents’ problems. This lack of engagement leaves them, unprepared and unwilling in getting involved in solving family tribulations.
8. Narcissism – One or more siblings has an “it’s all about me” attitude and
other siblings resent this. The self-absorbed sibling either does not participate
9. Needy Adult Siblings – These adult siblings feel starved for affection and often seek affection from professionals and other people in their lives for compensation for the care they didn’t receive as children.
10 . Substance and Other Abuse – The family and siblings have a history of drug, alcohol, and/or child abuse.
If this fits you you and your aging parent needs care may need to contact a geriatric care manager.