Aging Archives ⋆ Cathy Cress

5 Steps to Take if Adult Kids Call After Thanksgiving Reporting A StepMonster at the Feast

November 12, 2018

A baby boomer daughter may spend Thanksgiving at her elderly Mom and stepdad’s home. The couple married late in life. If so -the 50’s daughter may join now midlife steps siblings at the celebration but decide the new Mom is a Stepmonster.

What if the elderly remarried couple, who are increasingly frail, have problems that everyone notices?

The turkey’s half cooked, Mom’s beautiful clothes are dirty and she has not been to the hairdresser in what looks like weeks.

Who helps Mom and calls an aging life or geriatric care manager?

Late-life remarriage can bring challenges to these through these newly minted stepparents and stepsiblings. Eldercare is one. If any group of stepsiblings disagrees about money spent Mom’s eldercare or resulting diminished inheritance, there can be hell to pay. Money becomes a big issue with adult siblings on both sides for aging parents who find a new love of their life.

Differing points of view can explode into a battle over money power and legal rights.

If you are an aging life or geriatric care are you ready to face these dilemmas when the adult daughter calls?

Not just remarriage in late life but elderly partners living together are showing up at Thanksgiving dinner. According to Pew Research, that the number of people over 50 who cohabit with a partner rather than marry jumped 75 percent from 2007 to 2016.

In fact the single greatest predictor that a marriage will fail is the presence of children from a previous marriage or relationship. It might surprise us. But the truth is that the divorce rate is 50% higher in remarriages with children than in those without according to a Psychology Today article called Stepmonster

Adult children can sabotage the new older partner when by noticing a decline in the elderly parents and calling a geriatric care manager to evaluate- when they really want the professional to be the bad guy and get rid of the new love or stepmonster.

Here are 5 steps you can take-

I evaluate capacity in the older parent – the elderly parent has a right to choose if they are mentally clear.

Suggest an elder law attorney

Evaluate the adult children’s point of view to tease out the real issues

Suggest a family meeting with a skilled facilitator or mediator

Refer to adult protective services if you suspect a sweetheart scam or undue influence on the part of the adult children

Join me in my new Webinar

5 Ways to Tame the Turbulence of Holiday Meltdown in Aging Families

During the busiest season for care management referrals-

You Will Learn:

How to give hope to frantic children who call, after seeing their aging parent struggling with the rituals
How to sell services during intake, to desperate adult child callers
How to use GCM tools to contain Holiday chaos
How to use financial forecasting to prepare for growth during the holidays
How to work with both dysfunctional and long-distance families who call during the holidays
- Sign Up

Why Does the Nearly Normal Aging Family Melt Down Over the Holidays

November 11, 2018

Many concierge aging families are healthy or a nearly normal family. But discovering they must care for a parent can force them into a tailspin. When the parent figure in the family begins to suffer the losses of aging, a filial crisis occurs.

What’s that-? That is accepting your parent in the here and now. When a Mom or Dad is no longer the north stars they were to the family, midlife adult children need to learn to learn to balance parental love and duty with independence. These midlife kids must create a two-way relationship instead of the parent sending, love, money and nurture only one way. This can throw adult children in a nearly normal family into a parental panic.

Nurturing and care have always been a one-way street – ending with them. Were they selfish – no? That’s what good parents do- nurture their children through all the stages of life. However, this new stage takes a two-way street.

The healthy nearly normal family is also thrown off balance by a shock to the system- someone has to replace the Queen or King bee. The person who took the lead role on the family stage has not shown up or forgets their lines. On the holidays they don’t decorate the Christmas tree, forget the words to the blessing on Chanukah, the recipe for Latkes or their famous Christmas sugar cookies.

Now the adult kids must make the Christmas cookies, Latkes, lead the Chanukah prayers or host Christmas. Many are reluctant to step up to the plate, take over the work of a ritual- be the head of the family

At this giant pause in family play, the family system, even in the normal family must face the loss of control in the system because the parents or parent figures usually have that control. When they can no longer manage on their own, or function as the main gear or guide that moves the family system forward, even the normal spins out of control.

Join me in my new Webinar

5 Ways to Tame the Turbulence of Holiday Meltdown in Aging Families

During the busiest season for care management referrals-

You Will Learn:

How to give hope to frantic children who call, after seeing their aging parent struggling with the rituals
How to sell services during intake, to desperate adult child callers
How to use GCM tools to contain Holiday chaos
How to use financial forecasting to prepare for growth during the holidays
How to work with both dysfunctional and long-distance families who call during the holiday

BY THE AUTHOR OF HANDBOOK OF GERIATRIC CARE MANAGEMENT

Take This Test -Can You Take A Dysfunctional Family Case Over the Holidays ?

November 8, 2018

Do You Have the Clinical Skills to Give Hope to The Dysfunctional Family Calling Desperately On the Holidays – What does it Take?

Do you know the right caseload mix so you have the intense time to handle these very heavy care families?
Do you have 5 years of geriatric care management practice, a master’s degree to understand and work with them???
Do you have the business model to realign your caseload for both light & Heavy cases?
Can you increase your staff to do it?
Do you know aging family dynamics or do you have a staff member who does?
Do you have care managers who can work with complex aging dysfunctional families?
Do You Know How to do a two call intake and complimentary consultation
Do You know how to make the sale to dysfunctional aging clients
Are you ready to be fired and have an account receivable problems that come with these cases?
Do you know how to answer the challenge the adult children face and the client’s needs at the same time
Do you know how to hold an impromptu family Dysfunctional meeting with adult children, over the hectic holiday to plan care for aging parents?
Do you understand the executive function loss that older woman experience when trying to plan a holiday ritual dinner that fails, upsetting their adult children?
Can you work with narcissistic entitled older clients who are very demanding
Can you take the demeaning, blaming attitude of narcissistic old and new monied clients
Do you know how to avoid the VIP Syndrome with Concierge Rich and Famous Dysfunctional Family To Learn More Clinical Skills Before the HolidaysJoin me in my new Free Webinar 5 Ways to Tame the Turbulence of Holiday Meltdown in Aging Families During the busiest season for care management referrals-
You Will Learn:
- How to give hope to frantic children who call, after seeing their aging parent struggling with the rituals
- How to sell services during intake, to desperate adult child callers
- How to use GCM tools to contain Holiday chaos
- How to use financial forecasting to prepare for growth during the holidays
- How to work with both dysfunctional and long-distance families who call during the holidays
  - Sign Up

4 Critical Tools a Care Manager Needs to Partner With A Private Duty Home Care Agency

November 6, 2018

The holidays are before us, the biggest referral season for care managers. Families see each other and realize the gravity of their parents or family members situation and call many more care managers. But you have to staff up with caregivers to meet the onslaught. You will need more great caregivers and if you are a stand-alone practice with no home care division, you need to partner with a gold standard private duty home care agency. Here are some must-have tools to make this happen so you get concierge care for new clients.
When a geriatric care manager without a private duty home care agency, partners with a private duty home care agency for staffing – they also partner with the agency staffing coordinator. That person feeds them the right food so they can grow. The tools to get the best care providers who meet the needs of each case.

1.First Tool
The GCM must create a relationship between themselves and the staffing coordinator, just like in marketing or love and marriage. No relationship – no referrals, a divorce or in you getting fired by the clients representative.
To sweeten that relationship, tell the staffing coordinator what you want – in writing. Create a form that is a care provider order – like a prescription, with exactly what you want for each client like:
Driver,
Speaks Mandarin
Lifting
Overnight
Can cook Thai food

2. Second Tool
Each time you change your care plan, send the care plan changes over to the staffing coordinator so they can train the care providers in the job changes.
Example problem new dairy allergy” solution “nondairy at meals” problem cataract surgery,” “do not allow to bend over for 2 days”

3. Third Tool
Before you partner with a PDHC, read the staff coordinator of description. Know what they presently do and then add what they need to do to partner with you. Make sure the director of the PDHC approves of this and the staffing coordinator buys into it. Working with you puts an extra layer of duties on the staffing coordinator. Will they do an exceptional job– because that is what you need.

4. Tool 4
Formalize your relationship with the staffing coordinator.
Define how you let them know your staffing care needs- a phone call, paper order or both are needed
How does the staffing coordinator let you know about staffing changes and problems?
How do you let them know about staffing issues example care provider late when you get there, not preparing non-dairy meals as you order in your care plan?
¬ Create a checklist of reasons staffing coordinator must contact you
¬ Example
¬ care providers is sick – replace
¬ care providers permanently replaced
¬ care provider having problems with a client you need to know
¬ How will they alert you in care providers receiving counseling and discipline?
¬ care provider having problems with family you need to know.

Remember you are only as strong as your weakest link. If the care provider does a poor job- your client’s family may fire you. This is why you need the staffing coordinator at the PDHC to do an extraordinary job. Use the finest tools to work with the private duty home care agency so you do lose your own case because of poor staffing from your partner home care agency.

Join me in my new Webinar

5 Ways to Tame the Turbulence of Holiday Meltdown in Aging Families

During the busiest season for care management referrals-

You Will Learn:

How to give hope to frantic children who call, after seeing their aging parent struggling with the rituals
How to sell services during intake, to desperate adult child callers
How to use GCM tools to contain Holiday chaos
How to use financial forecasting to prepare for growth during the holidays
How to work with both dysfunctional and long-distance families who call during the holidays
- Sign Up

What are 7 Spiritual Quality Of Life Activities for Elders in the Coming Holiday Season?

November 2, 2018

Spirituality can matter more as you age. Now that we are entering a season of high spiritual celebrations like Christmas, Hanukkah, Orthodox Christmas, Feast day – Our Lady of Guadalupe- this is the most important season to involve elders in spiritual communities. Religious communities offer socialization thus the quality of life to so many elders and can return joy their lives.

Leonie Nowitz, a geriatric care manager who has a deep interest in spirituality and writes about it often, once told me to look at spirituality as a question ” What is this all about”. As we age this question becomes primal, as we face death coming at a rapid pace. We wonder- do I go to heaven, to hell, or just energy or dust. Will I meet angels- my wife in heaven.?

Ms. Nowitz said that when you define religion, look at it as a filing cabinet with each drawer is a religion with it’s answer to spirituality ” “What Is this all About”. There is one for Jews, Protestants, Hindu’s Muslims, Quakers, The Environment- all religions and belief systems.

One assessment care managers can do is a Quality of Life assessment to find out where joy can be found again. If spirituality is something that would increase an elders quality of life, here are some activities that you may suggest to an older client or their family, especially on holidays when places of worship have their most spectacular music, smells, and bells and pageantry.

Spiritual Quality of Life Activities

If an older person appears isolated and is unable to attend their place a worship, especially on holidays, because of not driving or disability, and they wish to still join a congregation, contact the head of the religious group and ask if members could transport him or if they have a van service or arrange for members to transport them to services. If they cannot get out ask if the spiritual leader or congregation members would make home visits.
If an older person is not now a part of a religious group but what once was and has some interest in returning, holidays are the best times to reconnect.Contact the head of the religious group and ask him/her to make a home visit and the care manager follow-up with transportation arrangements if yes.
If an older client has had a recent close relative or friend die and wishes to return to a spiritual group she knew before, connect them, with the congregation they are familiar with for solace or grieving.
If an older person moves to a new area and is part of a religious group connect them to the same religion and place of worship in the new town and arrange transportation and a new member to greet them
If an older person has dementia if possible reconnect him her with his spiritual background through familiar prayer, music etc.
If an elder has dementia and can attend services without being disruptive, arrange for a caregiver to take them as they can still be drawn in by the ” Smells and Bells’
If you have a homebound client who wishes to return to a religious group, reconnect them by arranging, in their, spiritual music, religious icons (a rosary or image, for example), readings from a sacred text, watching a service on television, listening to one on the radio or via computer.

Find out more about helping elders and their families during the coming holidays

Join me in my new Webinar

5 Ways to Tame the Turbulence of Holiday Meltdown in Aging Families

During the busiest season for care management referrals-

You Will Learn:

How to give hope to frantic children who call, after seeing their aging parent struggling with the rituals
How to sell services during intake, to desperate adult child callers
How to use GCM tools to contain Holiday chaos
How to use financial forecasting to prepare for growth during the holidays
How to work with both dysfunctional and long-distance families who call during the holidays
- Sign Up

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