Really, Mom Can’t Cook the Turkey- Now I Have To????
Many concierge aging families are healthy or a nearly normal family. But discovering they must care for a parent can force them into a tailspin. When the parent figure in the family begins to suffer the losses of aging, a filial crisis occurs.
What’s that-? That is accepting your parents in the here and now. When a Mom or Dad is no longer the north stars they were to the family, midlife adult children need to learn to balance parental love and duty with independence. These midlife kids must create a two-way relationship instead of the parent sending, love, money and nurture only one way. This can throw adult children in a nearly normal family into a parental panic.
Nurturing and care have always been a one-way street – ending with them. Were they selfish – no? That’s what good parents do- nurture their children through all the stages of life. However, this new stage takes a two-way street.
The Shock of Mom Not Caring For Them
The healthy nearly normal family is also thrown off balance by a shock to the system- someone has to replace the Queen or King bee. The person who took the lead role on the family stage has not shown up or forgets their lines. On the holidays, always at their parents, Mom doesn’t decorate the Christmas tree, the envelopes for big gifts for them are missing, forgets the words to the blessing on Chanukah, the recipe for Latkes or her famous Christmas sugar cookies.
Yikes-I Have to Take Over This Ritual ???
Now the adult kids must make the Christmas cookies, Latkes, lead the Chanukah prayers or host Christmas. Many are reluctant to step up to the plate, take over the work of a ritual- be the head of the family
At this giant pause in family play, the family system, even in the normal family must face the loss of control in the system because the parents or parent figures usually have that control. When they can no longer manage on their own, or function as the main gear or guide that moves the family system forward, even the normal spins out of control.
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5 Ways to Tame the Turbulence of Holiday Meltdown in Aging Families
During the busiest season for care management referrals-
Learn how!
- How to work with both dysfunctional and long-distance families who call during the holidays
- How to give hope to frantic children who call, after seeing their aging parent struggling with the rituals
- How to sell services to desperate adult child callers
- How to use GCM tools to contain Holiday chaos
- How to use financial forecasting to prepare for growth during the holidays
- Sidestep the Many Care Managers Who Do not know how to work with Dysfunctional Aging Families so the client chooses you
members during the holiday season and compare notes on a post-holiday call with you. Below is a list of red flags. If they see any red signals on Thanksgiving, Hanukkah or face them on Christmas-encourage them that is the time to do something about it by hiring a care manager. You can give them this is a checklist of some worrisome they may see.
aging family members for a long time. Family living at a distance usually understands that their parents are deteriorating with age and are savvy enough that they have researched options and already found you on the web ( a reason to have a great website).
f the above in writing. E-mail copies to everyone on the family disaster team including all adult siblings or create a closed facebook group hand share there.